


An Oddity

by Wetbones



Category: Boruto: Naruto Next Generations, Naruto
Genre: Age Difference, Angst, Canon Universe, Eventual Romance, Explicit Language, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, No Underage Sex, Romance, Sexual Content, Slow Burn, Teacher-Student Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-18
Updated: 2020-02-02
Packaged: 2020-07-08 04:22:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 67,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19863421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wetbones/pseuds/Wetbones
Summary: How Boruto Uzumaki left Sasuke perplexed at every turn.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story IS NOT shota. 
> 
> The story begins roughly when Boruto is thirteen because the plot asks for it since it’s his current age in the manga/anime. 
> 
> But whatever happens between the two will happen later in the story when they are both older. 
> 
> However, if age gaps are not your cup of tea and make you uncomfortable then this story is probably not meant for you.

> _"I want in fact more of you."_
> 
> Franz Kafka, _Letters To Milena._

* * *

Sasuke Uchiha has never been a big talker— or a big listener, for the matter. He was more of an observer. 

People thought he was constantly bored and some may even have found him boring.

Maybe as a small kid, he babbled a lot, like a nestling, but all kids were this way.

Then it changed. 

He knew he wasn’t skilled with words. On his tongue, they were too sharp and calculated. Weapons like himself. 

Sasuke’s mouth wasn’t mean to be open often. Even his smiles were rare and tight.

On the road, he could go days without talking to anyone. The silence was a rare friend to him.

In it, hid his deepest lies.

* * *

  
They were meeting at Ichiraku shop when Naruto told him the news. 

"Hinata is pregnant." 

Sasuke had been away since the beginning of the year. He got back, roughly two hours ago.

His first step was always Kakashi’s office — the Hokage’s office, he had to remind himself —then Naruto wherever Naruto was. 

Sasuke glanced up at the pictures randomly hanging on the wall, near the kitchen. 

_The Queen of Gluttony_ , it read under Hinata Hyuga’s face. Or was it Hinata Uzumaki now?

She was smiling with joy next to a dozen giant empty bowls.

Sasuke was more surprised by Hinata’s ability to gulp down food in great quantity than by this announcement. 

Half of the kunoichi they went to the academy with, were already pregnant. It was a plague in the village. The war and its strange effects on people’s psyche could be the explanation. 

Naruto didn’t stop eating his ramen. His right leg kept shaking under the counter. Sasuke could perceive all the emotions running through him. 

He’s never been the best to dissimulate what was on his mind.

Naruto probably wanted to share the news with the entire world, shout at the top of his lungs, from the Hokage monument.

As if he was reading his mind, he finally looked up from the steaming bowl to meet Sasuke’s eyes.

"You’re the first person I told," he said, mouth full. "I’m going to be a dad, can you imagine?" 

Yes, I can, wanted to reply Sasuke. But he didn’t speak.

Naruto didn’t expect him to. His question wasn’t asking for an answer. 

Later, before parting way, Sasuke looked Naruto right in the eyes and told him, a hand on his shoulder, "Congratulations, loser".

Naruto rewarded him with the biggest smile. A glimpse of the boy he once was, not so long ago. 

* * *

Sasuke was near Suna when Hinata gave birth, six months later. 

* * *

"It’s a boy," Sakura told him. 

For the past hour, she has been lying on the sofa, an ankle crossed over the other. She has never looked so exhausted before.

Against all odds, Sakura contracted the pregnancy epidemic. 

Her belly was round and big, and for Sasuke, it felt like it would never cease growing. 

She was already eight-months pregnant and he couldn't stop looking at it with peculiar amazement. He could see the shape of her belly button through her shirt. There was another skeleton, someone, his child there.

Sakura couldn’t keep her hands off of from it. It has soon become a habit. She kept rubbing it. He was convinced she didn't even notice the motion anymore.

"Hinata stayed in labor for eighteen hours. It must have been a nightmare," she added.

Were eighteen hours supposed to be a lot? Sasuke didn’t know. 

Sakura spent the morning at the hospital, visiting Hinata. She kept babbling about this newborn. Sasuke didn't stop her. Something was soothing about her voice. Familiar.

Like the rocking of a rolling train.

Sasuke was tired, his eyelids heavy, yet not sleepy. 

The worst kind of tiredness.

"…All I can say is, he is already a loud baby. He is constantly crying. They named him Boruto…" Sasuke soaked in the sea of words. He opened a single eye. 

"Boruto?" He echoed with a hint of surprise. 

The name didn’t roll off easily on his tongue. Still, unfamiliar. The Bo part mostly, he was too used to the Na.

Naruto and Boruto.

Bolt. 

What a shitty choice.

"You know Naruto," laughed Sakura.

She titled her head back to fully look at him.

There was no smile on her lips anymore.

"You should visit Hinata. I’m sure Naruto would be thrilled to see you there." 

Sasuke stayed silent.

"Sasuke?" 

He let out a sigh. He feared those words. He guessed their secret meaning. There was always a secret meaning to search for in Sakura's words. It was tiresome. 

_You weren't here for his wedding, you can be there for the birth of his son._

"I can’t. I have work to finish." 

Sakura sat up all the way, her posture stiff.

Her hand started to rub her belly again. For an instant, it seemed like she was trying to protect the child— from him. 

Sasuke pretended to not see the frown of her mouth when he got up and left the room.

Sakura’s belly ceased growing after all, more early than they all anticipated. She gave birth to a girl, their daughter, Sarada, two days later. 

* * *

Sasuke was twenty-two.

Twenty plus two.

Now older than Itachi ever was and he still felt so young. Too young to die. He was back in Konoha after a year away. 

His mistake.

As he walked through the door of his apartment, Sasuke tried to act surprised when the light in the living room went on. Followed by Naruto and Sakura started shouting happily:

"Happy Birthday Sasuke!" 

His "surprise" birthday and what a surprise it was. 

Sasuke already heard Sakura mentioning it, three days ago to Ino, on the phone. He'd seriously reflected on the idea of asking her to cancel everything but chose not to. He knew she wouldn’t take it very well. Things were already complicated.

Strangely, the first thing Sasuke had noticed, may have been Hinata. 

Clearly out of place, she stood still, between Naruto and Sakura, hugging herself.

Sasuke ignored the fact that she was pregnant again. Nobody told him, but even her large wool sweater couldn’t hide the roundness of her belly. 

Hinata tried to smile at him but gave up quickly.  
Her lack of enthusiasm was evident. 

For the first time in his life, Sasuke felt as awkward, as Hinata Hyūga— Uzumaki—and it wasn't an easy task to accomplish.

Colorful paper streamers and balloons decorated the walls as if they were at a kid’s party. It was Sarada’s idea, he learned later. 

"Asshole, you could smile a little, at least," Naruto had whispered in his ear briefly while he passed an arm around his shoulder.

"Sakura was so excited about it. Stop acting like you're at a funeral." 

But for Sasuke, it was just that.

He let out a sigh. So he smiled —or tried to— and ate the dinner Sakura — most probably bought if he trusted the taste— apparently cooked for him. 

He blew the candles then forced himself to eat the extra sweet chocolate sprinkle cake with Sarada, now two years old, on his lap, singing repeatedly, with her plump arms in the air, "Happy birthday Dad!". 

Later, Naruto and Sakura started to joyfully drink the sake they were supposed to gift him — he didn’t care. 

He didn’t drink. It was never a habit of his.

Sasuke had forgotten how much noise Naruto and Sakura could make together. They toppled two glasses, which only made them laugh harder, faces red.

From afar, Sasuke sunk down on the empty couch, closed his eyes and tried to imagine how it would have been if there were three more people in this room. What would his father and mother think of him? And Itachi? Would they all be disappointed in him as he was? 

He briefly touched his forehead. A movement made him open his eyes. He looked down to see a small blond head, tripping and falling at his feet.  
Naruto and Hinata had brought their son with them. He was an irritable kid, always tugging on his mother’s sleeve, crying for attention. 

Then, Sasuke heard a gagging noise and the child was vomiting on the bottom of his pants. He frowned and moved his foot. 

The kid’s face was incredibly red and swollen and he looked as if about to cry. A second after, he opened his mouth and let out a wheezing noise. Sasuke's eyes went wide.

"Oi Naruto, there is something wrong with—" _Shit, what was the child’s name again?_ "—your kid." 

Hinata was the quickest to react. She rushed toward them, dropped to her knees and grabbed her son’s shin.

"Oh!" she covered her mouth with her hand. "Were there peanuts in the cake?" 

"I don’t know!" said Sakura. 

She got up, alarmed. 

"Is he all right?" 

Unsurprisingly, there had been peanuts in the cake. 

And to no one's surprise, Naruto forgot the medication at home.

The "party" was over. Naruto and Hinata rushed to the hospital, their son in their arms and Sakura with them. 

Sasuke put Sarada to sleep. While in the silence of the apartment, he cleaned the vomit from his pants and thought of buying a toy for Naruto’s kid to thank him. Him and his allergy to peanuts.

Sasuke took care of never spending his birthday in the village since. 

He had learned his lesson.

* * *

He left Konoha for ten years and it still felt too short.

* * *

Sarada.

At twelve, she only forged her first memory with her father.

A memory where he tried to stab her with his sword because he couldn’t recognize the face of his own daughter. 

* * *

Sasuke heard the voices first. An angry one. Screams and curses muffled by the front door. The Hokage’s household. Naruto’s house.

"He grew up not knowing how fun it’s supposed to be with a family, right? No wonder he doesn’t care!" 

Sasuke didn't want to listen but he did. "Closing" your ears, wasn’t as easy as closing your eyes. 

He almost expected to hear plates being broken. 

What the hell was happening here? Sasuke decided to come back, later. Later could be anytime but now was not the best time.

Thirteen minutes later and he was hovering outside the front door again. For an instant, he wondered if he should just leave and return tomorrow when things had been settled down—

No. 

He had no time to waste.

Sasuke rung the bell. The wait was shorter than he expected. A few seconds later and the door flung open.

A flash of black and yellow caught his eyes.

Standing in front of him, a boy, his fist in the air. Sasuke stopped the punch in a blink with a single movement of the hand. 

His eyes found the kid’s face.

It was as if someone drew Naruto but failed to get some of his characteristics well.

The eyes mostly. Bigger. Bluer. Under the porch's orange light, they were angry right now —and yet still too kind compared to Naruto’s sharp eyes. 

His hair, blond yes, but more tamed, less wild and bright.

The shape of his face was Hinata’s. His features too, they were refined like his mother's, a reminder of her noble clan. The Hyūga. 

Finally, two marks on each cheek not three, Sasuke noticed.

Without a doubt, it was undeniably his friend’s son standing in front of him, in all his fury. He looked like the perfect spoiled child. Petulant and not a stain on his brand new clothes. What Naruto could have been if he had not been an orphan with a demon sealed inside him. 

At the sight of Sasuke, the boy stilled and his eyes grew wide. He seemed amazed to meet him and Sasuke ignored why.

He couldn't remember his name. 

He’s always been awful with names. 

And for that, Sasuke felt slightly guilty toward the kid but above all toward Naruto.

Naruto wouldn’t have forgotten Sarada. 

Boruto Uzumaki, he learned later when the boy presented himself. Sasuke made a promise to himself, he would not forget it again.

Hinata joined them and Boruto barked about beating some “old man”.

His father.

Sasuke’s eyes narrowed at him. He guessed well, the boy was a brat.

On his way to the Hokage office, he found Naruto’s old jacket, dirty and laying on the ground. His brows furrowed. He looked back at the house again. One of the windows on the second floor was wide open.

* * *

And when Boruto Uzumaki asked — almost pleaded— a few hours later to become Sasuke’s disciple with a surprising mix of reverence and nervousness, Sasuke didn’t think twice before accepting — provided that he mastered the Rasengan before, of course.

Which he did. Which Sasuke never doubted he would. 

He saw him fight, his movements were easy and quick. He wasn’t ordinary.

He never thought of taking a student before but it became evident that if not Naruto’s kid then who?

Naruto had not been very enchanted to hear the news. Sasuke suspected he wanted to train his son himself but he still agreed with a nod of the head. And so Boruto Uzumaki became Sasuke Uchiha’s disciple.

* * *

"Ah. Boruto Uzumaki, a pretty interesting case. You’ll see," told him Kakashi once, with an enigmatic smile, and he had not been wrong.

An interesting case indeed he was.

Sasuke gave his old scratched headband to Boruto. One of his most precious possessions. It has always been a reminder of the shinobi path, the nindo, he chose to follow and Boruto could use this reminder, now. 

The boy was a wanter, hungry for more power, and Sasuke knew too well how easy it was to stray from the path when someone searched to fulfill the greed inside. 

He wondered what his thirteen-year-old self would have thought of that. He would have probably hated Boruto, the same way he had hated anyone who showed the slightest potential to be better than him. 

* * *

For a long time, Boruto used to wear his pants cuffed up, almost to his knees, as if he was ready to face a flood and clean the floor with a squeegee. 

Sasuke told him once while seeing him flip more than necessary the bottom of his pant leg, that it was quite an "odd" thing to do — he didn’t want to say ugly but Boruto guessed anyway. 

And the following day, Boruto started wearing his pants straight. He stopped cuffing them from that day on. Just like that. 

It helped Sasuke understand something important. He had to be careful with his words because Boruto gave a lot of weight to Sasuke’s opinion of him.

"I want to be you," Boruto admitted soon after. 

Sasuke looked at him quizzically. What did _being you_ signified?

Boruto swept back the hair falling half into his eyes. It fell back the second after. 

"I want to be like you I mean." 

It didn’t help Sasuke understand.

"Why?" 

"Because you’re cool! You’re the strongest shinobi alive. I want to protect the village and the Hokage like you do. I want to be the Shadow Hokage!"

"Shadow Hokage?" repeated Sasuke, his brows raised.

His brows lifted. Boruto took a chocolate bar from his bag, he started to play with it but didn’t open it.

"That’s what people call you. You didn’t know?" 

No, he didn’t.

Sasuke couldn’t fathom why someone — and Naruto’s son of all people— would strive to lead an existence like his.

* * *

Some days, Sarada would stay with them.

Accompanied by Chocho— the Akimichi girl with whom his daughter was joined at the hip— or Mitsuki —Orochimaru’s offspring— she would watch them train with attentive eyes from afar. 

Sasuke didn't mind and if Boruto did, he never voiced his opposition. 

Was she here to see her father or her teammate? Sasuke didn’t know. 

One week, in particular, Boruto struggled to get a jutsu right. He failed, even after hours of trying.

He got mad, sweated, complained, then kicked some trees.

Sasuke wasn’t worried. It happened sometime even to the most highly-skilled. There was always something to make us stumble on the road — nothing to be alarmed of. 

Only, Boruto didn’t share his opinion. 

His eternal insecurities got the best of him.

After their session, the third day, Boruto kept his head tilted down and adverted his eyes away every time Sasuke tried to speak with him. It was unusual enough, for Sasuke to notice. 

It reminded him of the beginning when Boruto had to learn how to hold his gaze longer than a few seconds.

"Dad is going to take another student. He is already regretting his decision with you," said Sarada to Boruto while they walked the road home.

A few meters behind them, Sasuke heard everything. 

His eyebrows rose high on his forehead. 

What was she talking about? 

Before he could ask, Sarada shut him up with a look. Her eyes were sparkling with malice. She winked then returned her attention to Boruto.

Ah.

Chocho tried to hold a laugh behind her hands.

" Sarada…" Sasuke started.

His tentative was inefficient. 

Boruto’s shoulders fell and his steps got slower, each passing second.

"I’m sorry, at least you’ve tried," added Sarada.

Boruto didn't say a word.

"Isn’t destiny cruel? Did you show him the Gemaki card you finally managed to get? You know, the one with his face?" 

Her voice was intentionally loud, to let Boruto know her father was hearing everything.

"Are you going to tear down your posters now?" 

Chocho didn’t bother anymore. She chuckled without restraint.

"Sarada, stop," warned Sasuke.

Too late. Boruto snapped. He gave her the middle finger then ran away, leaving them all behind. Sasuke could only watch him disappear in the night.

"Are you satisfied with yourself?" 

He said as he joined his daughter. Sarada shrugged at him, a hand on her waist.

"I was only joking with him." 

"You were being mean." 

"Mean?" she raised an eyebrow.

"Boruto is the touchy one," said Chocho while taking a bag of chips from her bag.

"Yes, Dad. Chocho is right. He needs to grow up. He literally worships you. He probably sleeps with your card under his pillow and stares at your face every night before he sleeps." 

Chocho and Sarada busted out laughing, loud and ruthless like only teenagers can be.

Sasuke thought of a boy, angry because he wanted to impress a certain someone so badly. He thought of his father and Itachi and how long it has been since they’ve both crossed his mind.

A day, maybe.

* * *

"Just to be clear, I don’t have posters of you in my room," Boruto told him, the following day when it was only the two of them.

"No shit." 

* * *

One day, Sasuke returned home late from a mission. He expected Sakura to be asleep. She was not. 

He stilled silently at the front door. She didn’t notice him. 

With a voice muffled by the closed door of the living room, Sasuke overheard her speak on the phone, "I think all those years on the road alone made him worse, Ino. He is so far, even when he is here. He just shuts down..."

There had been tears in her voice. 

Sasuke left the house. He slept at an hotel and returned the morning after, pretending he just came back.

At the doorway, Sakura gave him a sweet smile, flowers, kissed each of his cheeks, and Sasuke couldn’t help but resent her. 

Naruto too. 

And more than anyone, himself. 

"You should give Sakura a chance," Naruto had whispered to him, Hinata hanging on his arm. "It would make her happy.”

They were nineteen. Sasuke gave her a chance, because he owed her, but above everyone Naruto. And one of Naruto Uzumaki's main goal in life has always been to make Sakura happy. 

"Take Sakura with you, next time you leave," had told him Naruto, while he bought paint for the walls of his new house. 

So, Sasuke agreed to take her on the road with him. She ended up pregnant. They ended up married. 

All because Naruto wanted to see Sakura smile. 

And now she was crying. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if there are typos, english is not my first language, neither my second for the matter.  
> The story is already fully written.   
> I will probably post a chapter once a week.   
> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Edit: I finally managed to find a beta. She proofread the entire fic, so thank you a thousand times darkpetalz!  
> You can’t imagine how much you helped me!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks, everyone for the feedback (kudos, bookmark or review)! I appreciate it. I uploaded two chapters this time because why not.

"I don’t know what you did to him but he can’t keep his mouth shut. Always bragging about you. _Sasuke-San_ _did this_ and _Sasuke-San said that_ ," Naruto complained. "Even Hinata is starting to get annoyed and you know how patient she usually is."

Slouching in his chair, Naruto pushed his plate to the side, the other hand on his stomach. 

How he managed to eat everything in exactly seven minutes was still a mystery for Sasuke. Naruto’s lunch break never lasted more than ten minutes.

"He really admires you."

Huh.

Sasuke let his eyes wander outside. He watched with disinterested eyes as the villagers walked along the street, in front of the shop. 

Naruto lifted his hand to ask for the check. 

"Don’t be jealous, it’s because he doesn’t know me," said Sasuke.

_If he did..._

If he truly knew Sasuke, all the ugliness inside, the last thing Boruto would seek was to resemble him. 

Naruto crossed his arms. He shook his head. 

" _I_ know you and _I_ admire you." 

"Yes, but you’re different, Naruto."

"How?"

The corner of Sasuke’s mouth lifted in a smile. How many times did they already have this same conversation? 

"You’re stupid, and we know your son, isn’t."

Naruto’s foot hit his leg under the table. 

It was painful. 

"You really don’t change, huh."

* * *

Grocery shopping was something couples must do together according to Sakura. 

Sasuke couldn’t tell if it was the grocery shopping bit or the couple bit that bothered him the most, in her logic. 

It never occurred to Sasuke before that yes, Sakura was right. They never went to the supermarket together before. 

She was the one who usually took care of this chore. Only when he was home and had enough time, Sasuke would grab meat and vegetables for dinner.

Was it a big deal? Not for him, but Sakura didn’t share his view. 

Sakura asked his personal opinion about each product "Do you prefer onions or scallions?" or "Should we take red eggs or white eggs?" and Sasuke could only shrug at her. 

To him, there was no real difference. 

Sasuke started to understand why he never went shopping with Sakura before. 

It was leaving him trapped with her for an hour, at least, without any escape. At some point, his brain disconnected. He simply hummed at each of her questions, pushing the cart, and letting her decide herself what type of chicken was better.

From the store’s entrance, Sasuke heard familiar voices. Close to the desk, he noticed Boruto, shoulder to shoulder with Shikamaru’s kid.  
They were giggling at something exposed on the counter.

"Boys!" greeted Sakura behind him.

The two turned their heads in the same startled motion.

"Oh hi," said Boruto.

He waved at them. Sasuke lifted his hand back. 

Then, Sakura joined the two. She started to chat with Shikamaru’s kid about the boy’s mother. 

From what Sasuke understood, Temari recently got back from a long trip to Suna.

While Sakura was busy, Sasuke arranged the pack of eggs. 

They were on the brink of dramatically falling from their place in the cart.

He felt eyes on him. 

Sasuke looked up, only to meet Boruto’s gaze. He was watching him and there was a strange curiosity on his face. 

Once caught, he smiled at Sasuke but his smile was too small to be real.

He jerked his eyes away, a moment after. Sasuke frowned. 

_What’s wrong with him?_

* * *

"What makes you happy?"

Sasuke took another sip of water. He wiped the corner of his mouth with the back of his hand and put back the bottle in his bag. The night just fell while they were taking a break from sparring.

"What kind of question is that?"

Boruto shrugged his shoulders.

"A simple one, in my opinion. Burgers make me happy. Himawari and mom too. Shikadai," Boruto paused an instant. "My dad sometimes. What about you?"

Sasuke lifted an eyebrow

"Why do you care?"

"I don’t—I…"

Boruto started to pick at the grass between his fingers.

"It’s just—" he started, looking down at his lap. "You always seem sad. I thought, maybe because you miss your family — you smile when Sarada is here but not too much— but I saw you at the market the other time with Sakura-San and..."

Boruto hesitated and watched Sasuke but he quickly leaped his eyes away. His face was now flushed red. His skin always blushed too easily. A shyness he must have inherited from his mother. 

"I don’t know. You seemed even more miserable."

There was apprehension on his face as if he was afraid of Sasuke’s reaction. 

Maybe he was right to fear his reaction. 

"You assume a lot of things, don’t you?"

Sasuke sat on the rock in front of him.

The blades of grass flew away from Boruto’s palms as he rubbed them together.

"Well, am I wrong?"

" _Well_ , maybe that’s how my face is," retorted drily Sasuke. "Sad."

Boruto shook his head.

"It’s not exactly your face. It’s something— behind your eyes."

His eyes. 

Sasuke wanted nothing to cover both of them completely right now. To not let any emotion from his face bled out. One was already hidden by his hair, it wouldn't be too hard to hide the second. 

They were acting against him.

"You don’t make sense," he said and it was a lie. 

Because he knew exactly what Boruto meant and he hated it. His sadness was his, he never hid it but no one had the right to find it. 

Boruto stood up. 

"Forget it, it was idiotic."

Indeed, it was. 

He scratched the nape of his neck. 

"Well, it’s late. We should end it for today. I need to head home before my mother starts to worry."

He didn’t wait for Sasuke’s answer and was gone after a quick "See you later".

Sasuke looked at his back while he walked away.

How did a thirteen years old kid manage to see what everyone else couldn’t?

* * *

Doors and Sasuke shared a privileged relationship. 

One of the most useful things out there. 

They needed to be closed. Not just the front door but all the door. Especially his bedroom’s door. 

Sasuke couldn’t sleep if the door was open, even ajar. It’s been the case since as long he can remember. An imperative condition. 

The door must be closed. 

Sakura liked to sleep with the door open. She didn’t feel comfortable when the door was closed. 

It was suffocating her, she had told him. 

Like a tomb, she had added. 

One of the many reasons why they’ve decided to have separate bedrooms, early on in their marriage. 

Sakura rarely crossed the limit that is Sasuke’s bedroom door. 

Sasuke has never been in hers. He didn’t even know what the walls looked like. He imagined them green like her eyes or beige like her skin. 

Tonight, Sakura did cross this limit. 

"I made you tea," she’d said. 

She hesitated in the doorway. Then, determination shining in her eyes, she joined him in the room. 

"Sarada is sleeping at Chocho’s house."

She leaned forward to put the steaming mug on his bedside. She lingered more than necessary. Through her silk nightgown, Sasuke could guess the shape of her small breasts. Her skin seemed soft tonight. 

Sakura knew what she was doing.

"Thanks," Sasuke replied. 

Their eyes met. Sakura leaned forward. Sasuke turned his head to the side. She ended up kissing his cheek. 

"Goodnight, Sakura. Don’t forget to close the door behind you."

Sakura didn’t answer Sasuke. She simply stared at him. Pain like a gaping wound on her face. She didn’t bother hiding it anymore —didn’t care.

When she left, she didn’t close the door behind her. 

* * *

Boruto was late. 

Fifteen minutes late.

Sasuke peeked at his watch again. Three minutes and he would go home. 

One minute and Boruto was here. 

He ran toward him.

"Sorry! There were a lot of people at the shop."

His breath short, a hand on his hip as if he had run for miles, Boruto gave Sasuke an apologetic smile. He lifted the paper bag he was holding.

"What is that?" asked Sasuke. 

Boruto kept smiling. 

"Dinner time. Have you eaten?"

"No."

"Great! I got you a burger."

With a frown, Sasuke stared down at the ball wrapped in paper that Boruto was now handing him. 

He didn’t take it. 

"I don’t eat that kind of food."

Boruto tilted his head to the side.

"What _kind of food_?"

"The greasy kind."

"Did you even try?" 

"Yes, I did."

"And?"

"Once was enough."

Boruto didn’t give up.

"I’m sure, it was the shop’s fault. Here, in Konoha, the burgers are awesome!"

Sasuke met Boruto’s encouraging expression.

"Come on. Trust me."

He finally conceded to take the burger from his hand.

Sasuke unwrapped it. A quick look. 

His eyebrows lifted. 

Without being the most avid consumer, Sasuke knew a burger wasn’t supposed to look like that. The meat was swallowed by a sea of red. There were maybe a dozen slices of tomato here. 

"I asked Sarada, apparently you like tomatoes," said Boruto.

He gestured at the burger. 

"So I asked for a double extra tomato and a lot of ketchup."

Sasuke made a face. 

_Ketchup._

Shit.

They sat on a bench and Boruto put the box of fries between them. 

Sasuke took his first bite. 

He forced himself to swallow. 

His distaste must have been evident because Boruto asked, the moment after:

"The food is cold, huh?"

"No, it’s not cold."

Sasuke wrapped the burger back in its paper and cleaned his fingers with a napkin. 

"What? You don’t like it?"

"No."

"Why?"

Sasuke shrugged his shoulders. 

"Too many tomatoes. The meat and bread are soggy."

"Oh."

For a moment, they stayed silent. Sasuke stared at Boruto’s profile while he dipped his fries into the sauce. Sasuke still didn’t understand why he was so eager to please him. 

"You don’t have to do this."

"Do what?"

"Go ask Sarada what I like. I will keep training you, no matter what. You don’t owe me anything."

Boruto stuffed the fries in his mouth. 

Sasuke’s words didn’t seem to affect him. 

"I just wanted to be sure that you didn’t have any allergies. I didn’t want you to die, or something, because of me."

"I don’t have allergies."

"Good to know."

Boruto waved his own burger. Already half-eaten. 

"Do you want the rest of mine? We could swap. There are no tomatoes in it."

"No, thanks."

With a sigh, Sasuke took back the tomato burger from the bag. Boruto grabbed his arm and tried to stop him. 

"Please, don’t force yourself."

"It’s fine. It would be a waste not to finish it."

Training with an empty stomach was not pleasant. 

Boruto stared at Sasuke with apprehension while he took another bite. 

"Is it better?"

There was hopefulness in his voice. 

"Not really."

The burger was thrown back in the bag. 

Maybe an empty stomach was better after reflection. 

Boruto’s expression turned sour, so Sasuke felt obligated to add:

"But the fries are okay. Thank you for the food."

"No problem."

Sasuke caught Boruto watching him from the corner of his eyes. 

"What?" he asked.

Boruto bit his lower lip. 

"Nothing."

Some people were good at lying and some shouldn’t even try. Boruto was part of the second category, sadly for him. 

He talked again. There was ketchup on his nose, Sasuke noticed.

"You’re leaving soon?"

Sasuke nodded. 

There was a silence then Boruto blurted out:

"Take me with you!"

It took Sasuke by surprise. He didn’t expect this. 

"My investigations usually take years Boruto. I’m not leaving for a few weeks. You know that."

"I do. But I still want to come."

Boruto stared at his hand, his eyebrows knitted together. At the curse inside his palm. Karma. His fist clenched around the greasy paper.

"I want to get stronger and I feel — No, I know— you’re the only one who can help me.”

His lips quirked in a small smile. 

"Plus, I need to learn the job."

Sasuke snorted. 

"You still want to steal my job?"

"Not steal, _share_. You could need my help."

"Basically, an assistant."

" _Co-worker_ ," corrected Boruto.

"Well, you need to ask your father."

"I already did."

"You asked him, before me?"

"Well, yes. I knew you would agree."

"And?"

"He said no, but mom is on my side, and I can be pretty convincing."

Sasuke didn’t doubt that. Boruto’s obstinacy had no limits.

Eventually, Naruto conceded four days later.

Boruto had been thrilled. 

Sasuke wondered if he truly understood what it meant and what was waiting for him. 

* * *

"Did you want to have a son?" Sarada asked him, the week they were due to leave Boruto and him. Sasuke had been staying with her during her daily training.

"Why are you asking that?"

"I don’t know," she touched her glasses. "Do you wish Boruto was your son?"

Sasuke blinked at her. How did he manage to fail so hard?

"No. Of course, not."

He wouldn't trade Sarada for anyone and even less for Boruto Uzumaki who had the word "loud" written all over him.

"I know I was not able to help you a lot while I was in the village—" he started but Sarada quickly cut him.

"It’s fine."

She took a deep breath.

"Boruto. He needs you more than I do."

They spend the rest of the afternoon together and Sarada didn't bring the subject back up.

Before parting, Sasuke embraced her.

"I’m proud of you, you know that," he said to her. 

"Yes, Dad."

She looked away with embarrassment and pushed him gently back. Sasuke smiled at her reaction.

"If you need anything, call me or go find Lord Seventh, he will know how to contact me."

"I know."

* * *

Since he was a kid, Sasuke always packed his things the day he was meant to leave for a mission. 

He couldn’t help it. Habits were the hardest to fight.

Sometimes Sasuke felt like that's all he was, a combination of habits. Mostly bad. 

The morning of his departure Sakura joined him in his bedroom. This time she didn’t hesitate. 

She handed him a file. He didn’t take it, too busy folding shirts. 

"What is that?" he had asked. 

He got no answer. 

She threw the file on the bed.

"I can’t wait years for you anymore —I won’t— and hope for things to get better, once you come back. They are never better. It’s always worse."

_You’re always worse._

Divorce.

Sasuke knew this was the moment where he should have apologized and promised to be a better man. 

A few words would have been enough to make Sakura change her mind. She would have forgiven him in a heartbeat if Sasuke had wanted her to. A kiss, a palm on the cheek. 

All that was needed. 

The thing is, he didn’t want her to forgive him. 

There were no screams, no fight, only silence. 

A reflection of their marriage.

Sasuke turned his back to her and opened a drawer to retrieve socks. 

"If this is what you want."

"No. This is what _you_ want."

The tears ran free on Sakura’s face, sliding from her nose to her chin. Sasuke stilled. He tried to wipe them but she left him without another word. 

Sasuke let her keep everything. This home, the money, even Sarada. Everything was hers. 

He won’t fight her, not even on this. 

* * *

"You’re late," said Boruto.

Sasuke ignored him. He kept walking.

"Why are you late?"

"Shut up, Boruto."

He did shut up. 

They crossed the Konoha gate, without a word. 

Sasuke had yet to learn how short Boruto’s silences were. They were not meant to last.


	3. Chapter 3

“I hate this place,” complained Boruto for what felt the hundredth time since they were here. 

Sasuke couldn't really disagree. 

He hated this place too and any similar places. 

They had no choice. 

Someone needed to do it and Sasuke was the only one who could.

Kaguya's Castle. They arrived, a week ago. 

Last time, he'd been interrupted by Kinshiki and Momoshiki and now, Sasuke was back.

All the days were the same. They kept roaming dark corridors and cold empty rooms, looking for parchments, anything. 

Sasuke decided from the start, it would be more efficient if they split in two during their explorations. Every day, they parted at dawn and past eight, they rejoined at their camp, the meeting point.

Sometimes, Sasuke wondered if someone ever lived here. There was no bed, no kitchen, no clothes. Only statues. 

What did these gods do every day, except pray and worship? Did they eat or sleep or did they just stand still, their eyes fixed constantly on idols and trees, worshipping their own kind?

"How did you not turn mad, alone?" Boruto asked him, one night, staring vacantly at nothing. "There is no one in those dimensions, expect you. No animals, no human. No one to talk to. Just you and these ugly statues and trees. It’s like a giant vault."

Sasuke didn't answer.

"This is insane. Do you ever imagine yourself getting stuck here?"

No. To be honest, he’d rather not imagine.

Boruto tucked his hands into his armpits.

"It’s freezing."

Sasuke lightened their small camping stove. He moved it closer to Boruto.

"Someone must do it. You’ll have to get used to it."

In fact, if he was honest with himself, Sasuke never got used to it — to these cold worlds. He accepted them, yes, but no, never got used to them. 

It was the last thing Boruto needed to hear right now. 

They’ve been traveling inside them for half a year already and yet, Boruto was still struggling to adapt. 

Was he disappointed, Sasuke wondered.

Were the roads what he expected to find?

Sasuke looked up at the intricate pattern of the curved ceiling. 

So high. So odd.

Kaguya’s giant statue was hovering over them, the fire illuminating all the lines and creases of her robe.

Her shadow was spilled all across the floor and Sasuke was sorely tempted to find another place to camp.

That night, the last thing Sasuke heard before drafting to sleep was:

"The stars aren’t this pretty on Earth."

It would be fine, after all. Perhaps, unlike him, Boruto would get used to it.

* * *

Every morning they would train.

They started with kenjutsu. 

The art of the sword. 

Orochimaru taught Sasuke everything about it, and now it was Sasuke’s turn to pass on his knowledge. 

He spent hours correcting Boruto’s grip, the way he planted his feet on the ground and held his hips and shoulders. 

He used his own feet to move his. 

Sasuke didn’t let him use the sword. 

No. 

He would ask Boruto to hold it and if his stance was wrong, he would take the sword back. 

Any mistake and the sword would reluctantly leave Boruto’s hands. 

Wrists too stiff. 

Forearm not high enough. 

Poor posture. 

And it was over. 

It took Boruto a week before Sasuke let him swing the weapon more than once and two years before he wielded his own sword. 

* * *

Boruto kept getting taller. Sasuke wondered if it had been once his case too. In the middle of one of Orochimaru’s repair, did he sprout too like weeds within a few months?

He was at this awkward phase all teenagers pass through. 

A tremulous time where they question everything and seem to be ready to explode at any time. 

Ticking bombs of fifteen with no peace of mind, lanky limbs and hunched shoulders.

Boruto didn’t change that much.

Only he slept more —or not at all according to the days— smiled less while his eyes hardened and his mouth became a foolish thing.

And Sasuke never once considered he would be the one having to endure this.

Without surprise, Boruto told him one day, he needed to go shopping. Sasuke looked at his bare ankles and wrists from clothes too short and agreed. It was starting to get ridiculous.

As expected of him, Boruto chose the fanciest shop with overpriced sportswear brands.

"Are you going to choose black clothes only?" Sasuke asked.

Boruto tilted his head. He unfolded a sweater and showed the back to Sasuke. 

“Huh? See. There are red and pink stripes on it.”

Boruto ignored his dubious glare and headed toward the cashier.

Not long after, their steps guided them to a less popular street. Boruto stilled again in front of a store. 

Whatever was in there, it had managed to catch his attention.

"I thought you were done," said Sasuke.

And his voice had the tint of hope that he was indeed done. 

Boruto ignored him. He pushed the door without waiting.

"Oi!" tried Sasuke.

His attempt was vain. 

Only the creaking noise of the badly oiled door answered him. So Sasuke followed him with a sigh into the dusty shop.

As a small bell chimed his entrance, Sasuke had to pause. The place seemed ready to crumble at any point. 

The wood ceiling was incredibly low and an old fan on the counter kept whirring noisily some burst of air.

Behind the counter, stood an old man with a hunched back and barely any teeth, his veiny hand clenched on a cane. He smiled at them and Sasuke answered him with a simple nod.

With a wary eye, he examined the small alley of clothes.

Despite the omnipresent musty smell, the coats sold here seemed all surprisingly clean and neat.

"Look!" shouted Boruto while pointing at one of the cloaks exposed near the door. "It’s almost like yours!"

Sasuke came closer. He grabbed the hem of the cloak between his fingers and studied it with attentive eyes.

"Indeed. It looks like mine."

That was the only confirmation Boruto needed. 

The second after, he was running in the shop, searching for a mirror. When he finally found one, he stood in front of it, the cloak on. 

Judging by his face, Boruto appreciated what the mirror was showing.

"Awesome," he whispered to himself.

He started to examine his side profile.

"Are you really going to buy the same cloak as me?"

Boruto too absorbed in his contemplation, only nodded absently.

Their eyes met in the mirror and Boruto’s smile vacillated.

" _Unless_ it bothers you?"

Dressed alike, they were probably going to end up looking like Maito Guy and Rock Lee. A laughable duo. 

Sasuke smirked.

"No." he squeezed his shoulder. "It suits you."

He didn’t wait and went to the old man.

And when Boruto protested and tried to pay for the cloak himself, Sasuke stopped him. "Consider it like a gift," he told Boruto once in the street and Boruto thanked him with the most suffocating embrace. 

* * *

A strange mark and a strange eye for a strange boy. Boruto was growing into a complicated mystery. A mystery with no secrets.

"Ultimately, the sky is our only roof," he’d told Sasuke on an autumn night spent in the wild when the air was crisp and the leaves brown.

Boruto had been many things in Sasuke’s mind. 

He soon became the boy who gazed at the stars and the moon.

"Do you know when you are going to die?"

Boruto was lying in his sleeping bag, his eyes fixated behind the canopy of trees.

A sleepless night for both and Sasuke didn't understand his question.

"What do you mean?"

"The time of your death. Do you know it?"

Sasuke frowned.

If there were one thing, he despised, it was irrationality.

"No," He said."Nobody knows that."

He didn’t mean to sound harsh but the words were still meaner than what he intended.

Boruto didn’t mind. He never minded. He raised his hand for an instant toward the sky. Sasuke thought he was pointing at something. If he was, he couldn't see what.

"I don’t think I will live long."

Boruto’s voice was unfazed like he was talking about some daily fact —a fact he accepted.

"You are not weak or sick," said Sasuke.

"Maybe not. It’s just a feeling."

Sasuke’s frown deepened. He didn't say a word. He never suspected one moment that his student was…

To him, he never seemed lacking the will to live. In front of his silence, Boruto looked in his direction. He caught his worried look and quickly laughed it off.

"Oh no, it’s not like that! I’m not thinking of— I’m not going to kill myself."

He paused.

"I don’t know. I just—"

Words were left unspoken. Boruto touched his right eyelid a brief instant. Sasuke felt uneasy, a strange feeling creeping inside him.

"And how are you going to die?" he asked, choosing his words carefully.

"I have no idea but…I will lose everything. That’s what Momoshiki said, remember?"

"Lose everything, huh?"

"Yeah," Boruto replied.

"How?"

"I don’t know."

So what exactly do you know, thought Sasuke. 

"You really believe that?" he asked. 

"Why wouldn’t I? He is a god after all."

A silence.

"It’s not going to happen," said Sasuke.

"How can you know?"

" _Because_ I won’t let it happen, and your father neither."

Boruto didn’t say anything for a while. He simply looked into Sasuke’s eyes and his gaze held a rare intensity. 

For the first time in a long time, Sasuke had to fight the urge of looking away. Then Boruto talked: 

"But what if you are both gone? What if I’m alone? How are you going to stop it? How are you going to save me?"

Sasuke stayed silent.

He didn't like this conversation at all. 

He wanted it to end. Fate, he never truly believed in it. 

Prophecies were utter lies to him. 

Boruto looked at the stars again and Sasuke did the same.

_What are you seeing, Boruto?_

In the map of the sky made of bright bodies and constellations, he tried to find something meaningful, some hidden secret. 

He couldn’t.

* * *

  
Autumn ended. A year passed. And Boruto never talked about his death again.   
  


* * *

Odd as it was, a bit after his sixteenth birthday, Boruto stopped using his name. 

It was first, Sasuke-San, sometimes Sasuke-Occhan which Sasuke hated with a particular passion, then Sasuke-Sensei. He tried _shishō_ during a few days but it felt wrong, Sasuke didn’t even think of answering him, every time he called him that. 

Sasuke remembered calling Kakashi by his name only but as a child, he’d never been the best example. He’d been an arrogant brat who couldn’t have cared less about honorifics and respect toward others.

Then, Boruto asked him one day if he could call him simply "Sasuke".

Sasuke didn’t think long before retorting "No". 

There was a familiarity in his name and he knew Boruto, more and more reckless, was seeking for it.

Boruto didn't take it very well. Though, he’d accepted Sasuke’s answer which was already surprising.

So overnight, from a day to the next, he stopped using his name.

No more "Sasuke-Sensei" or "Sasuke-San". It was "Hey", or "Oi". 

How easy it was to remove someone’s name from your daily life. Usually, when the person was gone except Sasuke was here. 

Boruto was dedicated to his pettiness, Sasuke could give him that.

* * *

When Sasuke looked at his missing arm, he thought of sacrifice and atonement.

After they took off the bandage for good, Sasuke had been left disgusted by the void, by the brutal lump made of flesh and scarred skin that ended a little before his elbow. 

Now, he couldn't care less. The void became fully part of him.

He was always hiding it anyway, with long-sleeved clothes. Not because of shame, no, but people could get uncomfortable or worse, pitiful.

The first time, he slept with Sakura, he expected the revulsion. 

If it was the case, she did a good job of counseling it. She didn't look at it —the same way he didn’t look at her face. 

She didn't say a word. She didn’t touch it. She never did.

Naruto had seen it too, back at the hospital after their fight, but Sasuke didn’t care. Naruto’s arm had been in the same state, a mirror of his, after all.

Yet, he never expected anyone to compliment him on it.

It was hot, the start of summer, and they have been walking all day long under the hard sun and cloudless sky. Sasuke had the urgent need to clean himself, to get rid of the dirt and sweat. 

He couldn’t stand his own skin anymore. 

They’ve found a river, near a mountain. The water was clear and cold. 

It was all they needed. 

Sasuke removed his travel cloak and linen shirt then washed his torso and neck with a wet cloth.

"Why don’t you have a prosthesis, like my father or Kawaki?" Boruto asked him as he swam near the river bank.

Sasuke flinched. 

He didn't mean to but he did.

"I don’t want to."

Still in the water, Boruto didn't avert his gaze from him. His eyes were squinted, almost shut, because of the sunlight and Sasuke wanted nothing right now but for the sunbeam to blind Boruto. 

_Stop staring_ , he wanted to shout at him.

Most people had the reflex to consciously look away when they meet a scar or something "sensitive” but no, Boruto always looked at it right in the eye, as if he was poking an infected wound with a stick.

Sasuke expected the "why” but it never came. 

Boruto stopped swimming to stand still in the water. He shaded his eyes with his hand. 

"Does it hurt?"

It did. Sasuke sometimes felt like his arm was only asleep. He could still feel some residual pain in his nerve, every once in a while. Or worse itching, especially in his absent fingers, like little jolts of electricity. How an arm he didn’t even have anymore could still itch?

"No, it doesn’t."

The truth, like many truths, would have been useless. 

Boruto’s eyes finally left his arm. 

"I think it suits you."

Sasuke couldn’t hide his surprise.

"What?"

"Yeah. I like it. Mismatched arms and mismatched eyes. They go well together. Don’t you think?"

Boruto smirked then added.

"It’s cool as fuck."

He immersed his head in the water before Sasuke had the chance to reply.

No, he never expected anyone to find something nice to say about his left arm.

* * *

"That was my first kiss" had confessed Boruto to him. 

Many wouldn't even call it a kiss. They had been on a mission, a B-rank one, a boring one. 

The one each shinobi was forced to take, to thrill the Daimyo. The one, Sasuke thought, he would never have to do again.

Naruto had sent them a message with the details. 

Neither, Boruto or he was excited about it but they were the quickest and the only ones available. After a variant of death’s threats because of land managing and juridical issues, some rich local lord was constrained to transfer his favorite prostitute to the city. He hired shinobis from Konoha to help him. 

A mission of two days at most.

She was painfully young, Sarada’s age, maybe a bit older. Eighteen at most.

She didn't talk much and didn’t seem to be interested in shinobi matters. She knew nothing about the last war. 

On her nails, she had drawn silly stars and her hair was dyed a vibrant blue. It was telling enough for Sasuke.

The day after, in the middle of the forest, as predicted, some assassins attacked them, Boruto got rid of them easily.

But their client got scared, she ran and almost fell in an abandoned pit.

She would be dead, if not for Boruto who managed to catch her in his arms before.

Adrenaline could make you do the weirdest thing. 

In the heat of the moment, she probably thought the most appropriate answer would be to bring her mouth to Boruto’s mouth.

She had kissed him, cheeks red and hair full of leaves.

One. 

Two. 

Three. 

Four seconds. 

That was it. 

Once done, she patted his cheek then turned away. 

Boruto just smiled awkwardly afterwards — not his typical smile, it was more tight—lipped lips and tensed face.

Naruto would've probably had a field day and teased Boruto to death if he was here. Sasuke felt mostly sorry for him. He knew too well the downside of unwanted attention.

Their mission over, they’ve found an onsen in the next village.

Boruto had taken to the habit of staying in Sasuke’s room after dinner.

He talked mostly about their missions, other times about the random things on his mind. Sasuke wished sometime Boruto was a boy who kept secrets. 

He was not. 

Not with him, at least. He spilled everything with disarming honesty, telling him every thought on his mind, even the most intimate. 

Yet, some days he would stay silent. 

From the ground, cross-legged, he would sharpen his kunai with care and patience. Sasuke understood pretty early, Boruto didn't handle solitude very well. He didn't like to be left alone and to his own surprise, Sasuke got accustomed to it.

In the first months, it would bother him to have this boy follow him everywhere, like a duckling behind his mother. 

Even the few times, where they had the rare luxury to have separated rooms —after all the nights spent outside in the wild, forced to share a space— Boruto wouldn't leave him alone. 

Similar to a wood splinter stuck in the finger, he was impossible to ignore, even when he wasn’t talking. 

Yet, he managed to force himself in and Sasuke learned not to care.

He had fallen asleep many times while Boruto was still in his room, sorting his things.

That was the thing with him, while the father was extraordinarily messy, the son had a surprising love for tidiness. He was the most fastidious. 

"That was my first kiss."

There has been no kunai or scrolls in Boruto’s hand. 

It was a night to talk then. 

Sasuke opened his eyes. He stared at the ceiling. 

There were tiny weepy cracks on it.

Sleep had almost taken over him till Boruto’s voice broke the silence.

Sasuke didn't reply. That’s how it went, he learned with time. Boruto needed nothing more than an attentive ear.

"I didn't expect this."

Boruto circled his knees with his arms.

And his mouth was closed. He only stared at Sasuke. 

So, that time, he expected him to reply.

 _Shit._

"Are you disappointed?" tried Sasuke.

"Maybe. Yes. I don’t know."

Another silence ensued. Boruto touched his own lips with his fingertips. 

"I imagined someone else. It was not her anymore, it felt good, but then I opened them and—"

He interrupted himself and there was something close to regret on his face.

Because of what? Having an unknown girl kiss him or letting these words slip from him? Probably both.

Before Sasuke could say more, Boruto rose on his feet, his eyes searching for the door.

"Sorry. I shouldn’t bother you with this nonsense."

Sasuke sighed. 

"You are giving too much importance to an event that doesn’t deserve it. It’s just a kiss."

It wasn’t the words to say aloud.

Boruto shook his head. 

"It doesn’t work like that."

Then he was gone. 

* * *

It was a calm afternoon, they were walking a road in the middle of the Stone Country with green bean fields seedlings all around them.

Sasuke stared at the sky. Boruto did the same.

The clouds were like giant balls of smoke above them.

Those were odd clouds. Each separated from the others and well-aligned like a pack of eggs. 

" A storm is near," Sasuke said. 

"Mammatus clouds," replied Boruto. "That’s their name."

Sasuke glared at him. 

"Does it matters what the clouds are called?"

"I think it does, yes." 

And Sasuke wanted to ask Boruto if he could call the clouds by their name why he wouldn’t call Sasuke by his. 

He didn’t say anything. They kept walking. 


	4. Chapter 4

In the past, one of Sasuke’s favorite pastimes had been to watch his brother train. 

Nothing had been more ravishing for his seven-year-old self than observe Itachi hit every target, his body moving fast and light. His feet flickering quick on the ground. 

When he grew up, after the massacre, Sasuke would have never admitted it, but he had been disappointed to not be able to watch someone as skilled as Itachi Uchiha train or fight anymore.

But Itachi had been his enemy so Sasuke couldn't have such thought. 

Itachi’s skills had killed their entire clan, they were not to be admired.

Then came Kakashi Hatake, Sasuke had underestimated him the first time they’ve met. In his mind, Kakashi had only been this lazy man addicted to erotica. 

Sasuke had even pitied him. How well his teacher had hidden his true self.

Even now, Sasuke couldn't forget how fast his heart had pounded while he watched Kakashi fight Zabuza. The fast movement, the hard fists, and thrusts, their bodies moving fast and clashing in a battle of steels and muscles. The fear but above all, the sheer excitement he experienced at seven, had come back full force.

He lost count of how many times he’d hidden in a tree, only to watch Kakashi train. Sasuke never told him but he was sure he knew all along.

The attack came from nowhere. They were investigating an underground laboratory when three nukenins from Suna jumped on them, most likely to rob them. One of them took Sasuke by surprise and threw him against a wall. 

In a heartbeat, Sasuke got up on his feet, ready to attack. 

He froze before, watching the scene in front of him unravel.

His sword drawn, Boruto attacked. It has been a while since Sasuke saw him truly fight —not just spar. He recognized his own swordplay in the way he was placing his feet. 

Sasuke took pleasure in guessing his next move. He was definitely faster than Sasuke ever was.

The thrill. The rush.

They were back. 

Boruto was deadly precise, left, right, left again.

He easily avoided the hit aimed at his head. Attacks after attacks, he fended them all off. There was no superfluous movement. Then, with his palm forward, a peaceful expression on his face and muscles tensed, he didn't wait long, he attacked. 

His movements were swift through the air. Head, chest, legs. He knew where to hit. The Jûken. The Hyūga's specialty. 

The fight was quickly over. The three men were unconscious on the ground and Boruto didn’t have a scratch.

"I would have appreciated a hand," he complained while Sasuke joined him.

He pushed the hair from his eyes. A drop of sweat rolled on his face. Sasuke followed its downfall with his eyes. Boruto wiped it with the hem of his T-shirt. Sasuke shrugged his shoulders.

"You seemed fine on your own."

Sasuke picked up a small detail that day. At seventeen, Boruto may have surpassed him. 

Finally. 

* * *

She was the one who approached him. 

She held this bored look with her cheek in her palm that bar’s regulars always have, especially when they were lonely, a Friday night.

The place was not crowded yet. Sasuke could hear her converse with the bartender as if they were old friends. 

Then she slipped over three seats, to the empty stool, next to Sasuke. 

Sasuke glanced at her. She wasn’t a beauty but her laugh was easy and her eyes blunt. 

There was no kindness, no shyness in them. 

They were black and slanted like his and they were watching him right now. 

Her hair was brown and short — shorter than his, and she didn’t wear any perfume. He liked that too. Perfume annoyed Sasuke. 

She looked older than him, in her forties. 

After a peek at Sasuke’s glass, the woman lifted her hand and ordered the same thing. A brandy.

An exception to the rule. Those time alone Sasuke would drink. Never more than three glasses. But alcohol helped. He didn’t like the taste but he could make himself drink. 

They barely talked, they both already knew what the other wanted.

There was no point pretending. At some point, she touched his shoulder, leaned in and said in his ear, her smile big, brushing his earlobe, "I like your mouth."

And Sasuke didn’t know if she meant the words or the lips. 

Then she got up, without a word, her purse in her hand, and Sasuke followed her. 

She brought him to her apartment. 

He didn’t even know her name. 

* * *

They’ve found each other in the street. Even in the night, Sasuke recognized right away his tall frame and golden head.

Lost in his thought, Boruto didn’t notice Sasuke. 

"Was the movie good?" 

Boruto halted and looked behind. 

His face relaxed as he realized it was only him. The only familiar face in this town. 

"Meh. The first one was better," he said. "I’m disappointed."

Sasuke peeked at his wristwatch. 

"What took you so long?"

It was almost midnight, Boruto should have been back hours ago. 

"I was bored and decided to watch another one."

"Was it better?"

Boruto thought for some time then he shook his head. 

"Not really."

Every time they stopped in a town, big enough to have one, Boruto would go to the nearest movie theater and watch whatever was aired. Always alone. 

A small break. From the missions and the training. From each other. 

Sasuke needed one too. 

Boruto lost in his movies and Sasuke lost between some stranger’s thighs. 

Each had their own way of wasting time. 

It didn’t take them long to reach their hotel. 

They got in the elevator, side by side. 

Boruto stared at him. Sasuke stared at the control panel. 

He often wondered if Boruto had doubts. Did he know what Sasuke did every time he went to the movie theater? Could he smell the alcohol on his breath?

Then, Boruto stepped closer. Their eyes met a brief instant, Sasuke didn’t draw back while Boruto lifted his hand. He dragged his thumb under his collar, below his right ear. His touch was hard. Unlike him. 

The doors opened. They didn’t get off. 

"You had lipstick here," Boruto said calmly. 

He didn’t sound surprised. 

He showed Sasuke his thumb, stained with a bit of red, as a proof that he wouldn’t have touched him if it wasn’t for the red. 

Sasuke refused to look at it. His face grew hot. He shouldn’t be embarrassed. There was no reproach in Boruto’s eyes. Sasuke’s acts weren’t his to judge. 

"Thanks," he mumbled. 

The doors closed shut.

The light flickered. They took too long. Sasuke pressed one of the buttons to open them again. 

Before getting out the elevator, Boruto gave him a tight smile. 

Sasuke already knew what he was going to say, next. 

Always the same words. 

"You should come with me, next time."

Always the same answer. 

"I’ll think about it."

_I’ll think about it._

Sasuke thought about it. Yes. And never went with him. 

* * *

Three letters. 

That was all he received from Sarada, in four years. 

The first one after a month away. 

A second one after four months away. 

The last one after a year away. 

That was three years ago. 

Nothing since. 

Each letter shorter than the other. 

There was no resentment in them, no anger. 

Her sentences were short and descriptive, like a report. 

She didn’t talk about her feelings, only of the missions she did and the things she saw. 

She mentioned the divorce in the first letter. A small line:

_Guess, it won’t really change anything._

In the last letter, she wrote: 

_I hope you’re happy now._

A harmless line, it seemed at the time. 

Through her silence, Sasuke had searched for other meanings in her words. 

Sasuke studied this last letter at least a hundred times. 

To understand what went wrong.

He found the bitterness, the sentence turning in his mind. It wasn’t a wish, no. She didn’t want him happy. It was a question, a _was it worth it?_

He could imagine her in the room, at her desk, her mouth frowned and hand hesitating. 

Her pen seemed to have applied more pressure to this single sentence as if she couldn’t hold back the anger. 

He wrote five letters, after this one. She didn’t answer any of them. He imagined them in the trash, unopened, so he stopped writing. 

Yet, his hawk kept dropping letters from Sarada. They were not for him. 

Boruto received one every three months among letters from his family. 

That day, a new one, the scroll big like always. 

Sasuke glanced while Boruto read its content. That was a pretty long scroll. Sasuke recognized Sarada wide and round handwriting.

He’s never been more jealous.

Boruto caught his stare, he rolled the scroll and put it carefully in his bag. 

A way to divert Sasuke’s attention, it seemed. He would probably read it later when Sasuke was asleep. 

“Sarada asks me to tell you hi,” he said, his gaze fixed on the ground. 

At each letter from her, Boruto would say the same thing. 

_"Sarada said, she misses you a lot. She can’t wait to see you again."_

_"Sarada hopes you’re fine."_

_"Sarada wishes you a happy birthday."_

By far, Boruto was the worst liar Sasuke ever met. 

* * *

Sasuke had fallen sick toward the beginning of winter. It had been days spent in a strange haze. He didn’t remember much.

There were in the Land of Iron. A vast hostile territory with frozen soil, dried by the cold. A land for wolves and samurais.

They took shelter from a snowstorm, in an old refuge in the midst of nowhere.

The cold managed to get to Sasuke’s lungs. A terrible infection.

His memories were mostly shattered moments. They twisted in his mind. 

He slept a lot, dreamt a lot — about his mother, Mikoto, mainly. The last time he caught a fever she had been here for him. He dreamt of her smile and the scent of her hair. He may have called her name a few times. He didn't remember.

He coughed a lot too while a hand rubbed circles on his back.

There were images, of Boruto while he took off his cloak recovered of snow— which later became another layer of blanket for Sasuke— a bag of food and medicine in his hand. Sasuke ignored how Boruto managed to get them but he did.

The storm died, the snow settled and he was still sick.

Other glimpses of the crackling fire, the whistling kettle, of Boruto, curled up like a cat on the worn-out mattress on the floor, at his bedside, not sleeping, only waiting and Sasuke couldn't remember what he was waiting for, probably for his fever to drop — or maybe it was his usual insomnia toying with him.

Sasuke couldn’t forget the shivers and the sheets soaked with sweat and how unpleasant it felt.

They fought at some point—he remembers that too— about the cloths dripping wet with snow that Boruto tried to put on his lower legs and forehead. Sasuke didn’t want them. They were too cold. He threw them on the ground. It was unreasonable but there was no logic left when sickness took over. 

Boruto won in the end.

Sasuke talked a lot, more than ever. 

What he said, he forgot. Something embarrassing. In his mind stayed the feeling mostly, not the words, and Boruto’s face in return, alternating between surprise and skepticism.

Boruto revealed himself to be considerate enough, he never brought up his feverish divagations or mentioned those few days where Sasuke had been mentally and physically at his weakest.

* * *

They rarely used trains, it was too expensive. If they used one every time they needed to reach a new town, half of Konoha’s money would go in buying them tickets.

Unfortunately for him, Boruto loved trains. He suggested plenty of times to just climb and stay on the roof. It may have worked in Konoha where he was the Hokage’s son, but Sasuke was not sure it would work elsewhere. It was only asking for big trouble. 

Beyond money matters, Sasuke preferred walking, there was always some people to help in the villages they crossed. 

Yet, this time there were only a few options left. 

The wintery weather was harsh, the land far, and his lungs were still not fully healed from pneumonia. 

Boruto was the one to persuade him that they should take a sleeping car train this time around.

Their wallets felt rather empty, after their stop at the booking counter, but “It was needed” repeated Boruto to him. 

No need to, Sasuke understood the first time. 

Two days by train instead of three weeks on foot. It was hard to resist. 

On the train, Boruto’s sheer anticipation was palpable. 

All compartments were made the same: wood walls with two benches facing each other, and a bed above each of them.

Inside theirs, a woman was already sitting, just beside the glass door.

She was a civilian, judging by her appearance. She didn’t look like a traveler either. Still young, her classic dark dress was creaseless, ironed and her shoes shiny. Her travel must be an occasional occurrence. 

Boruto stilled at the door to observe the stranger with surprise. He looked back and forth between her and the tickets he was holding in his hand.

"Excuse me. Are you spending the night here too?"

There were indeed only two beds, both already booked by them. She peeked up from the book she was reading. It took her a few seconds to grasp the meaning of Boruto’s question. 

"Oh no, my stop is at Suma. The train should reach the village in a couple of hours hopefully."

Boruto scratched the back of his neck briefly.

"Eh sorry. I got confused. Thanks!" 

As a way to justify his previous question, Boruto added, 

"It’s our first time on a night train."

At the “our”, her gaze leveled up. She met Sasuke’s eyes. 

He was placing their bags on the luggage rack. 

She averted her eyes away quickly. Sasuke didn’t mind, he was used to it. He knew his gaze to be unpleasant. 

“You have killer’s eyes,” Naruto often joked. 

"I’ve never used one, neither," the woman admitted. "The beds are so small! How do people not fall during the night?"

Boruto nodded with energy while Sasuke sat at his seat, the closest to the window. Boruto sat in front of him. 

"Are you shinobi?" Sasuke heard. 

"We are."

"My grandfather was a shinobi too!" she said with a childish excitation. 

She moved closer to them— to Sasuke whose she was sitting next to.

The faint smell of jasmine reached his nose while she moved her dark braid from a shoulder to another. 

He could feel her watching him through her eyelashes.

He looked outside. 

"Have you ever been to the land of rice?"

"No," answered Boruto and Sasuke said, "I have," at the same time. 

The woman’s lips curved in a smile. 

"Good, you may help me then."

She reached for the leather bag between them and took from it a small pile of folded papers tied by a twine string. 

"My brother gave me those maps, to help me with my travel," she explained while unfolding one to lay it on her lap. "But I can’t read them for the life of me! They are decades old!"

With a nod, Sasuke agreed to help her. 

He wasn’t a good teacher, he knew that. He only got lucky with Boruto and his sharp intellect. 

Sasuke always had a hard time explaining, even the simplest concept to others because of how evident most things were to him. He used shortcuts and lacked patience for simplification. He expected people to understand his words quickly. Most didn’t and it could be frustrating.

The woman kept nodding and whispering occasional “I see,” and Sasuke knew, deep down, she didn’t listen to a word of what he had said. It was evident by the look on her face. 

He didn’t point it out. The last thing he wanted was to repeat himself. If she didn’t listen the first time, it wasn’t his problem.

Boruto stopped participating, early on. Chin in his hand, all his attention was now focused on the passing landscape. 

Sasuke searched to meet his eyes but he kept looking outside. 

He didn’t insist and left him alone. 

After the map-reading lesson, the woman revealed the motivation behind her travel: a distant relative of hers just died and she needed to deal with inheritance issues. Sasuke didn’t have the kindness in him, to care. 

At some point, she got up, whispered “bathroom” with a sorry smile and left the compartment. 

Boruto stopped his observation of the landscape, once the sliding door got closed. 

"She is pretty," he said quietly. 

"I didn’t pay attention to her face."

"So you don’t think she is?"

Sasuke shrugged his shoulders.

"I’ve just told you, I have no opinion about the subject."

"All men would have noticed," said Boruto. 

"Guess, I’m not all men."

For the following seconds, Boruto kept his lips tightly closed then he blurted out: 

"I think she likes you."

Sasuke didn’t answer. He looked at the ceiling. A huff left his nose. 

"Trust me," started Boruto. "It’s the way she leans on you, positions her ears to your mouth, then answers you in a whisper. People do that when they are interested, it creates a feeling of intimacy. She expects you to reply with the same voice. She probably knows how to read a map, she just wanted you to stare at her thighs."

For a moment, Sasuke wondered if Boruto read Kakashi’s cheap seduction novels because he sounded awfully like them, right now. 

"Yes, because you are the biggest expert in the field now, Boruto."

With his palm turned upwards, Boruto added casually:

"No need to have a lot of experiences, I have eyes."

Experiences. 

Sasuke already knew it meant almost zero in Boruto’s case. 

Seventeen and all he has was a forced kiss. 

Instead of being in Konoha, and surrounded by people of his age, he spent a good bunch of his teenage years with him, wandering countries and sleeping in old refuge at best, exploring cold worlds in space at worst.

Boruto clasped his hands behind his head. 

"Plenty of women try to get your attention but you don’t notice it. They all use the same techniques. It’s not hard to notice a pattern."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

Right now, Sasuke didn’t have the energy to contradict him. Boruto was wrong, Sasuke noticed them. He just didn’t care and learned to ignore most of them. It had been the case since middle school. Their attention was everything but new. 

With the same nonchalance of an old friend sharing life advises, Boruto leaned forward and told Sasuke, their heads close, his voice low:

"I mean, you should take the occasion. Kiss her in the bathroom or something. It’s what people do, right?"

Sasuke regarded him, baffled. 

"I’m just trying to help you," said Boruto. 

"You think I need your help?"

His lips pursed together as he leaned back on his seat again.

"No, visibly, you don’t."

In his eyes, shone resentment. 

Sasuke kept watching him. 

"Are you jealous?"

"Of what?"

"That a thirty years old woman is more interested in me than you?"

"If you want the truth, not really," began Boruto while bringing his thumb to his mouth.

He bit the nail. 

The sound made Sasuke’s ears wince, like always. 

It was a particularly bad habit.

"She is pretty, don’t get me wrong, but definitely not my type. I don’t like her voice."

Sasuke gave him a surprised look. 

"Who cares about voices?"

It was a strange thing to look for. 

"I do. It’s important." 

Boruto looked outside. 

"I prefer deep and calm voices."

The moment after, the muffled sound of heels against the carpet of the corridor, was heard. They stopped talking about the subject. All that needed to be said had been said. 

_Not my type._

Hn.

Sasuke was starting to have a very precise idea of what Boruto’s type was. 

* * *

"I want to get drunk."

Sasuke didn’t bother answering. He kept walking while Boruto trailed behind him. Sasuke walked faster.

"Did you hear me?"

"No."

Boruto tugged on his sleeve. Sasuke glared down at his fingers. Boruto removed them. 

"Come on. In a few months, we are probably back to Konoha. If not now, when?"

Sasuke stilled in his step. Boruto bumped into him and almost tripped on his feet. 

He shook his head.

"You don’t choose to get drunk. That’s not how it works."

"I just want to try. It’s not like I want to visit a whorehouse or something." Boruto protested. "I’m still going to do it, even alone."

Sasuke sighed. 

_Naruto, why is your son so tiresome?_

He observed Boruto. 

His shoulders were broader than what they’ve once been. His face was different too, less soft. Thinner. 

He looked like everything but a child now. 

Maybe the boy was definitely gone. 

"I’m staying with you," conceded Sasuke. 

Boruto let out an exclamation of victory.

Around ten, they went to this miserable bar Boruto choose, and Boruto imbibed drink after drink with a sheer excitation. 

Sasuke didn't order anything, except a glass of water. 

His fist against his cheek, he simply observed his disciple with a raised eyebrow. 

Even the waitress pitied him. She gave Sasuke a sorry look each time she brought a new cup of saké at their table.

There was no one expect them in the place.

Boruto seemed eager to become a wreck and Sasuke could only watch the whole thing with disbelief.

After the first bottle, there was no cheerful laugh, no big movements and running in the street. 

No euphoria. 

Boruto’s eyes became glazed, he took his head in his hands, his words were not coherent anymore, his tongue heavy.

He tried to reach for his cup again but Sasuke stopped him swiftly before. 

That was enough. 

He lifted his hand to ask for the check.

Then that was it. It was over.

Boruto fell asleep right on the table, his face buried in his crossed arms.

Well, that was quick.

They would maybe have a few hours of sleep tonight, after all, though Sasuke with relish.

He touched Boruto’s shoulder.

"Come on, let’s go."

Boruto grunted a "Leave me alone."

He didn't even bother to open his eyes.

Under the gaze of the worried waitress, Sasuke had to shake Boruto a few more times before he conceded to stand up.

In the street, he seemed ready to collapse at any moment. Sasuke held his arm firmly all the way to prevent him from falling. 

"You—" Boruto started then stumbled. "Shit—You could carry me on your back."

"No."

Boruto laughed. 

"Too afraid to break it, huh?"

Sasuke made him walk faster.

At some point, Boruto refused to move. 

He bent forward, hands on his knees, and spat on the ground. He stayed like that for some time. 

He wasn’t laughing anymore.

Sasuke stepped back. He knew what was about to happen. A moment after, Boruto was puking his guts out. 

"Fuck," he said while wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. "I hate this."

Sasuke rubbed his back while he vomited once again. The smell of alcohol mixed with their dinner made Sasuke instantly nauseous. He turned his face away and pulled on Boruto’s arm. 

"Come on, we’re almost there."

From this instant, Boruto kept his mouth shut and followed Sasuke, docile, until they arrived at the bathhouse. 

The night clerk behind the reception desk gave them a look full of disapproval. Sasuke ignored him. He dragged Boruto to their room.

Neither of the two bothered to turn the light on.

"Take off your clothes," Sasuke said. 

Boruto shook his head. 

"I’m too tired."

"There is vomit on them."

Boruto stared down at himself. His nose wrinkled. He must have noticed the stains on his pants. He obeyed. 

With his mind intoxicated by alcohol, he struggled to accomplish this simple task that was undressing.

Sasuke didn't make a move to help him. His left arm ended up stuck.

It took him an annoyingly long time to finally get rid of his T-shirt. 

"Is it what you’re expected?" asked Sasuke. 

Even drunk, Boruto took care of folding his clothes. They still ended up in the laundry bag. 

"Hm?"

There was confusion on Boruto’s face.

Sasuke had to repeat his question.

"No," said Boruto. "I feel like shit."

"I hope you learned a lesson."

Boruto mumbled something that Sasuke didn’t get. It sounded awfully like an insult.

Sasuke left the room to take a shower. The water was steaming hot, to wash away this nauseating and heavy feeling associated with tiredness. It didn’t work. 

Later, he expected to find Boruto long asleep but he was not. 

As soon as Sasuke opened the door, he rushed into the bathroom. 

"I need to pee and brush my teeth!" he told him. 

He didn’t seem tired anymore. 

Sasuke sighed. 

He set the alarm clock for the both of them then slid inside his futon.

He closed his eyes, ready to sleep. A moment later, a ruffle of air made him open them.

Boruto was kneeling next to him, sitting on his heels. Waiting, it seemed. 

"What do you want?"

Boruto leaned in, stroked Sasuke’s hair back and kissed his forehead, casually, as if it was a perfectly normal thing to do.

Sasuke pushed Boruto’s face away. 

With a muffled voice, Sasuke’s palm still clamped over his mouth, he said:

"Thank you for helping me. I’m—Goodnight." 

Then he moved to his futon. 

Sasuke didn’t answer him. He turned on his side, his back to Boruto. 

"Do you hate me?" he heard. 

"Boruto, fucking sleep."

"—Hate myself too, more than you do."

Sasuke smushed his pillow against his ear and tightly shut his eyes. 

Three miserable hours of sleep, that was all he has left before the morning. 


	5. Chapter 5

"Did you dream last night?" had asked Boruto.

Sasuke had replied, "I did."

Because it was impossible not to. Even the dreamless nights were made of dreams. They were only forgotten in the morning. 

"What did you dream of?"

"I don’t remember."

For Sasuke, only the occasional nightmares stayed, drops of blood and fear burned in his mind. 

But the dreams, he would almost always forget them. He could only grasp their forms when the morning came — blurred and indistinct. 

Boruto looked at him, surprised. 

"You don’t? That’s weird, huh. I always remember mine."

Sasuke didn’t reply and Boruto pressed further. 

"Not even a glimpse?"

"No." 

A silence descended on them, both busy with their own thoughts.

Soon, a fear grazed the corner of his mind and made Sasuke ask: 

"Did I say something in my sleep?"

He would hate it if he did, to learn his mind would have slipped without any way to constrain it and how vulnerable it would have made him. 

It already happened when he was sick and it was unbearable enough. 

"No. But you’re not the kind to speak when asleep," replied Boruto.

"Good to know."

"Yeah.”

Boruto took another bite of the pear he was eating. 

"And the day before, what did you dream of?"

Sasuke stilled in his steps. He turned to face Boruto and regarded him with narrowed eyes. 

"Why do you suddenly care?"

Boruto held his gaze. 

"I like to hear about other’s dreams. It’s interesting. You never tell me yours."

Another bite then: 

"I don’t like mine."

At this confession, Sasuke’s face softened. 

"Do you have nightmares?"

"No, not nightmares. Dreams but they’re just weird."

Boruto thought for a while. Sasuke let him take his time.

"Nightmares are better, I feel," he said with a frown, sorting his words. "Because they wake you up, you know. It’s short. While dreams, the weird one...you can’t wake up and once you do, it’s the morning and you feel like shit."

"And what do you dream of?"

Boruto peeked at him. Sasuke could sense his hesitation. A hawk passed above them. He screeched, wild and high. They both looked up. Sasuke thought it was his. 

It wasn’t. 

Boruto shook his head. Sasuke darted his eyes on him again. 

"No. Don’t ask," said Boruto. "I don’t tell others about my dreams."

Astonished, Sasuke didn’t reply at first. 

If Boruto wanted to know his dreams then he should be ready to share his. 

"Then why do you ask about mine?"

"Because we’re different, you and I. But I can tell you one thing."

A secret smile lifted the corner of his mouth.

"I often dream of you."

Sasuke sighed and Boruto gave a loud laugh. 

One who remembers his dreams and one who couldn’t. 

One who could lie and one who couldn’t. 

That’s maybe where their fundamental differences laid. 

* * *

They left the thieves compound and Boruto threw the handle of his sword to the ground without a look for it. Rage guided his hand.

" _The best sword you will ever wield,_ my ass!"

He stormed out, running before Sasuke could reply. 

Sasuke looked down at the sword or what was left of it, a shattered blade laying in the grass. 

His anger was understandable. This one cost Boruto a small fortune and was still relatively new. 

Pretty sword with a chiseled handle but too stiff like its predecessor. They broke too easily under pressure, wind attacks were generally deadly for them. 

Sasuke kneeled and picked up the broken bits. Their next destination was the trash-bin. He sighed. 

If he trusted the past times it happened, Boruto should be in the worst mood for the rest of the day.

"Boruto," Sasuke had called later while they advanced between the trees.

Boruto barked a "What?" in return. 

He must have realized how loud his reply had been and took a deep breath. He forced a smile and repeated more calmly:

"Yes?"

"It’s just a sword," said Sasuke.

"I know."

"Stop acting this way then."

The smile left Boruto's lips. He glared at Sasuke. 

"It’s just money. It’s just steel. It’s the fucking third time."

They stopped their walk next to a big tree where the land was the flattest. 

In a lazy motion, Boruto dropped his bag. It hit the ground with a muffled noise. 

"Yours never break," he mumbled. 

Sasuke sighed. He grabbed the strap of his bag and took it off. 

"I feel like I’m repeating myself with you."

He paused till Boruto conceded to look in his direction, then said: 

"A sword doesn’t have to be pretty unless you want to hang it on the wall of your living room."

Boruto sat on the massive tree root. He crossed his arms and leaned his back against the trunk.

"What did kings and knights wield if not beautiful and strong weapons?"

"You’re not a knight, even less a king," replied Sasuke.

He joined Boruto and sat beside him. 

"That’s not what I meant," said Boruto. 

"You don’t have the privilege to have someone under your command who can design special weapons for you," began Sasuke. "You go to a shop, you choose a practical sword with the best blade, that’s it. No one cares what your sword looks like."

Boruto’s jaw clenched. He picked a stick laying here and stabbed the ground with it. 

"Do you think I’m shallow?"

"I’ve never said that."

Boruto stayed silent and Sasuke added:

"No, you’re just—"

His words made Boruto snap his head to the side. He looked at Sasuke and his anger was back. 

"I’m what?"

"You’re just young. You focus on pointless things that don’t necessarily need to be focused on. It’s not necessarily bad to be meticulous and picky, but sometimes it distracts you from the main picture."

In the ensuing silence, Boruto seemed to reflect on his words. 

"Yeah, I guess you’re right," he said. 

He tossed the stick and wiped his palm on his thighs. 

"Next time, I will choose the most hideous sword."

Sasuke rubbed his face and a sigh of despair escaped him. He had the impression Boruto, again, didn’t want to understand. 

"Your first criteria shouldn’t be the beauty of the weapon."

Boruto rolled his eyes. 

"I was joking."

"Still—"

A muffled noise interrupted Sasuke’s sentence. 

They both looked to their right, only to find an old man leaning on a nearby tree. 

He was breathing heavily, his face red and sweaty. 

He didn’t have any bag with him or any belonging that could have indicated he was a traveler. He didn’t seem to be a shinobi either judging by his clothes and posture. 

Sasuke wondered what was he doing in the middle of the woods. 

Boruto got up carefully. 

"Are you okay, grandpa?" he asked.

The man dismissed their worries with a wave of the hand.

"I only need a minute to catch my breath."

He wiped the sweat from his face with his sleeve and asked:

"Do you have water?"

His lips were crackled, he seemed dehydrated. How long has he been walking?

Sasuke handed him his bottle. He took it in a hurry. 

"What are you doing here?"

The old man drunk almost all the water. Then he crouched on the ground and poured what was left in the bottle cap. Only then, Sasuke noticed the tabby cat at his side. 

"I’m going home."

Boruto joined them and asked: 

"Where do you live?"

"Red River Town. It’s a few miles away from here."

Boruto lifted an eyebrow. 

"The town near the castle ruins?"

The man nodded. Sasuke and Boruto exchanged a dubious look. 

"We passed near it, maybe two hours ago," said Boruto. 

"Two hours ago?" echoed the old man. 

"Yeah."

His face turned white. 

"That’s impossible."

"You shouldn’t have crossed through the wood," said Sasuke. "You will end up at the border with the Bamboo Country if you keep walking north."

Now, there was distress in the old man’s eyes, grey and gnawed by cataract. There must have been brown, a long time ago. 

"Are you sure? No, Red River Town is this way!"

He pointed south with his index and mumbled things, both Boruto and Sasuke couldn’t get. 

Boruto took the map from his pocket. He shoved it in front of the stranger's face and forced him to look at it. 

"We came from the east. Trust us, it’s this way. You need to keep walking east, till you’re out of the wood. Then join the main road. You should have two intersections. The first intersection, take second right, for the second, take left. Then you walk maybe fifteen minutes, you will find a bridge—"

"Boruto," interrupted Sasuke to silence him. 

The confusion on the old man's face grew, his shoulders hunched. He looked suddenly older. Sasuke feared his memories to be failing.

"I will walk him home," he said. 

The old man rejected his help vehemently:

"Mah! I’m fine!"

"Those woods are big. Soon, it will be dark, if you lose yourself again, no one will help, you, or your cat."

The man thought for some time, his eyes darted on his pet. 

"Fine," he conceded through pursed lips. 

Boruto joined Sasuke while he picked up his bag from the ground, covered with dry leaves. He removed them one by one and Boruto whispered to him:

"I can come with you."

"No stay here and set up the camp. It won’t take long. I should be back before nightfall."

Boruto gave him a nod. He didn’t press further. 

"As you wish, _boss_."

"Come on, old man," said Sasuke afterward to the stranger with a nod of the head. "Let’s hurry."

What took Boruto and Sasuke fifteen minutes, took the old man an hour.

That was the time they’d needed to get out of the wood. 

Sasuke had to adjust his walking pace. Being slow wasn’t in his nature, he had to force each step. 

If he could, Sasuke would have carried the old fellow on his back, but he knew, it would have been, old or no, an insult to the man’s ego.

They stopped twice, one break after thirty minutes, the second one after they reached the main road. The man sat on a rock, the cat on his lap. 

Sasuke leaned his back against a tree and waited patiently for the old man to get his energy back. 

"What’s his name?" Sasuke asked. 

"The cat," replied the old man without a look in his direction. "My wife didn’t have the time to pick a name for him. We had him for a week, then she...she was gone. Poof as fast as that!"

He snapped his fingers. 

"He is soon ten years old and I still call him like that. But he answers to his name, you know. Look."

His hand stopped scratching the cat for an instant, he cleared his throat.

"The cat!" he called, using his deepest voice. 

They waited an instant, Nothing indicated the animal heard him. 

"Mah! He’s grumpy. He answers, habitually."

The old man leaned on his staff and got up, the cat jumped to the ground. 

"Try it."

"No, I’m fine," replied Sasuke. 

But the old man kept going:

"I'd hate to sound like a liar so try it."

Sasuke’s lips tightened. He peeked at the animal tearing at blades of grass. 

"Cat," he said almost inaudibly. 

He felt ridiculous. 

Against all odds, the cat stilled and turned his head in Sasuke's direction.

The old man smiled. 

"See. He is intelligent ."

Sasuke took a piece of dried fish from his bag. He crouched on the ground and waited for the pet to approach him. The animal sniffed the food then took it in his mouth. 

"You like cats?" asked the old man. 

Sasuke shrugged his shoulders. 

"You don’t look related."

"Who?"

Sasuke got up on his feet. 

"You and the boy."

"He is my apprentice."

"Ah."

"I had one too. His father was a businessman from the city. He thought he was good at nothing, gave me money and told me to teach him well. Never bothered to take him back. I took him in and he owns my shop now."

The break was over and they started to walk again.

"Apprentices are primordial," added the old man.

"You think so?"

"Of course. All we learn, the skills accumulated over a lifetime, it would be the worst crime to let it go."

Sasuke stayed silent. 

"Every carpenter does the same work but they all have different tips to give. 'Could be the way the wrist must be bend when you cut the wood or how to laminate a doorway. And I’m pretty sure it’s your case too. Maybe this particular twist of the wrist was taught from a master to a student, thousand of years ago, and your just a small part in the chain of transmission, but so essential because if you break it then all the pearls fell down and thousand years of knowledge die. Do you get me?"

"I do," replied Sasuke and the old man nodded, satisfied. 

Sasuke watched his hands. They were used, the index on the left hand, the one around the staff, was missing after the first knuckle. 

A moment before, Sasuke had found them wrinkled and old, yet he remarked now they didn’t suffer any shaking. They were stable like the hands of a young man. 

"Do you have a son?" 

"No," replied Sasuke.

The man was waiting for other words so Sasuke added "A daughter."

"Ha! So you’re just like me. How old is she?"

"Seventeen."

The old man made a face. 

"They’re not easy at this age. I pity you."

Sasuke wanted to tell him, he knew nothing of what his daughter was like at seventeen but he preferred to stay silent. 

"At least she is not a boy. At this age they’re like dogs in heat, you need to lock them up otherwise they run away. They don’t care about wood or miters. They only have one thing in mind."

He paused and looked Sasuke right in the eyes. 

"Girls!"

He spat it like it was a monstrous scourge, a beast to fear in the dark. 

"My apprentice would leave for days, and came late at dawn, after spending his night outside, with his friends. But he straightened out in the end. They all do. Don't worry."

"I don't."

They arrived at the bridge and the old man said:

"Yours is pretty as a picture. It must be a pain to keep him from sneaking out."

Sasuke tried to imagine Boruto sneaking out to meet girls at night. It wasn't an easy picture to visualize.

"No, he is not like that. He only cares about swords, right now."

"Swords, huh? Well, a good thing. He won’t get a girl pregnant because once they do it’s over for him and for her."

"Yeah," replied simply Sasuke.   
  
He thought of Sakura and how their life would have been different if they haven’t been so careless. 

They didn’t talk about the subject further. 

Approximately three hours later, they reached Red River Town. The sun has been set for a while already. 

Thankfully, the old man lived in a neighborhood close to the town’s gate.

Sasuke planned to leave him as soon as they entered the town but the man insisted and asked Sasuke to follow him.

He brought him to a small street, with old wooden buildings.

They were so ancient that Sasuke had believed those type of facade disappeared centuries ago. 

They stilled in front of a green door, crushed by the building's weight.

The man took a set of keys from his pocket but he didn’t do anything with it.

He stopped before and regarding Sasuke, he suddenly told him:

"You need to see the workshop!" 

"It’s not necessary."

"Come on."

The man ignored Sasuke’s reticence and walked them to the shop nearby. 

He struggled to open the metallic shutter alone, so Sasuke helped him. The terrific noise alone made his ears ring. 

The cat trailed behind them, tail in the air, while they both entered the shop. It was pitch black inside. 

"Now they use big machines, it’s easier."   
  


The man turned on the light. Sasuke looked around. 

The place was clean, there was wood dust on the floor but it was expected.

Many tools were hung on the wall. He couldn’t tell the purpose of each. 

The old man stared at them. Sasuke too. For a while, the silence reigned. 

"Half is from my time," he finally said. "They’re all his now."

He took his time to show Sasuke each machine. 

Sasuke didn’t know what reply was expected of him so he didn’t say anything. He only nodded. 

"Do you want to stay for dinner? My daughter's cooking is great. Plus she is pretty."

The old man gave Sasuke a wink. 

"Thank you but I’m fine," replied Sasuke. "I should get back now."

"Your loss."

The moment after, a big woman, wearing a night grown over her pajamas, appeared at the door. Sasuke noticed she was barefoot. She must have rushed outside to join them. 

"Dad!" she screamed. "Where were you?"

"I found him in the woods," answered Sasuke. 

The old man gave him an acrimonious look as if they somehow agreed to keep this information secret.

"The wood? Did you get lost again? You know you can’t leave the house without me."

"Yeah yeah, I know. Stop worrying!"

The daughter ignored her father. She faced Sasuke and bowed her head. 

"Thank you infinitely," she said. "Do you need a place to stay for the night?" 

"No," Sasuke replied shortly.

He gave an ultimate glance to the tools, gave his goodbye, then left the place.

Heading to the town’s gate, Sasuke reached for his sword, hanging at his belt, hidden by his cloak. 

His fingertips caressed the tilt distractedly. They say a sword holds the soul of its master. 

Like these tools on the wall, Sasuke knew now, his sword wasn’t his anymore.

He was only its keeper. 

Boruto will be the one to wield it one day and this one won’t break, Sasuke was sure of it. 

* * *

The road took them far away.

Their next stop wasn’t on any maps or Earth for the matter

Another Otsutsuki’s ruins to visit. 

The first days, Boruto and Sasuke didn’t find anything significant but they still had to search the land farther. Each house, each room could hide precious pieces of information.

Boruto’s dojutsu revealed itself to be precious in their exploration. He could detect chakra miles around. 

The air was different, here. It felt heavier. Harder to breathe. As if they reached the peak of a mountain, the atmospheric pressure was lower. 

When Sasuke first started his travel, it took him a few months to acclimate to it, some worlds revealed themselves to be worse than others. 

They could give him the worst headache. Their bodies didn’t have the time to adjust. 

Boruto and he could leave Earth during a summer day only to meet a wintery night behind the portal. Sasuke had no idea how nights and days worked here. 

In the beginning, he’d tried to write down and record the number of hours between sunrise and sunset. He soon stopped. It was useless. 

There was no pattern in those worlds, sunlight was completely aleatory from a day to another. Sometimes, Sasuke felt like these dimensions were alive, and their only goal was to make his life harder. 

He wished they would one day all crumble on themselves and take everything away.

They were chained to them, Boruto and he, because of the unique power of their eyes. The only one, between the ninja’s nations, who could access them. 

Toward the middle of the second week, as their investigation advanced, they decided to move their camp to the center of the village. 

It seemed to be a shrine but Sasuke wasn’t sure. There were faded murals recovering the walls. He couldn’t decipher them. Only horns or symbols of them. Nature took back what’s hers. There was more green than stone here. 

It smelled like humidity and mold. Sasuke could barely stand it, but it was one of the rare edifices with a roof still on. 

They ate, sitting up against the wall, on the ground. 

After dinner, Boruto told him:

"It’s New Year’s Eve," 

Sasuke frowned. 

"No, it’s not."

Boruto took a small calendar from his bag. 

He pointed with his finger the two last weeks of December. 

"See, eleven days passed since we crossed the portal which means I’m right."

He tapped the page to prove his point. 

Without asking, Sasuke took the calendar from his hand, in search of any mistakes. 

There wasn’t. 

"It’s really the New Year," he muttered under his breath. 

Boruto peeked at the watch at his wrist.

"In an hour, more precisely."

"It’s not even noon," informed Sasuke. 

He looked through the hole in the roof, at the sun shining brightly above them.

"I mean if we follow Konoha’s time of course. Here, I’m not sure how long their years are," replied Boruto. 

They choose to always follow Konoha’s time, it was easier that way. It explained why they had dinner in the middle of the day. 

Huh, New Year’s Eve…

During their first year of traveling together, Sasuke couldn’t really remember what Boruto and he did, around that time. It wouldn’t surprise him if someone told him, he had forgotten about it and Boruto at the time was still too polite around him to remind him. 

The second year, small glimpses of memory: bored blue eyes watching the distant fireworks from their hostel room window, chin resting on crossed arms. The faint sound of waves of laughter and drunk euphoria in the street. Later, Sasuke regretted not leaving his scrolls and maps, for a few hours, to take Boruto to the town and let him celebrate the New Year with the crowd.

On the third year, there were no countdown or fireworks, they spend the night in a remote farm. The place belonged to an elderly couple who was nice enough to shelter them in the cold. After dinner, at eight, all the lights have been turned off. The couple went to bed, regular as a clockwork, New Year’s Eve or no. Boruto and he spent the evening surrounded by horses in the barns. Boruto watched the starry sky and Sasuke slept. 

And now they were here…

In the middle of ruins, far away from any other humans. This New Year’s Eve, probably beat all the previous one, in terms of deplorability. It made their dinner, made of ration pills and cold fish can even more bitter.

Boruto closed his eyes and rested his head back against a moss covered patch on the wall. A halo of green around his face. 

He looked weary. A tiredness of the soul, Sasuke was too familiar with. Could sadness be contagious?

A question that often crossed his mind lately.

Sasuke’s gaze fell to the calendar still laying on the ground, near Boruto’s bag. He could see the corner of Himawari’s picture peeking from it. 

Out of everyone in Konoha, she was the one Boruto talked the most about. According to him, there was no one and nothing greater than his little sister. 

Had Itachi ever talked about him the same way Boruto talked about Himawari?

"I’m sorry," Sasuke said. 

The words left his mouth before he could hold them. 

Yet, Sasuke didn’t want them back. Boruto opened a single eye and observed him. 

"Huh, for what?"

"You should be in Konoha with your family and friends. Instead, you’re stuck here."

He didn’t say with me but it was as if he did.

Boruto’s lips pursed together. 

"I wanted to come, remember?"

There was a small stone between them. Boruto picked it up. He rubbed it against the ground, leaving white lines underneath. 

"I don’t hate being here," he started. "Okay, the place sucks badly. Yeah, let’s be honest."

Their shoulders brushed as Boruto started doodling. His eyes didn’t leave the ground ounce. 

"But what matters is the people you’re with, and not just during New Year’s Eve. Think about it, if I was in Konoha, you would spend it alone and…"

Boruto’s hand stopped for an instant. Sasuke didn’t miss the apprehension in his voice. Finally, Boruto met his gaze, for an instant only. 

"It’s good that I’m here. For you…For me too, I like traveling with you, you know."

He put the last details on the face he drew. 

Sasuke guessed the doodle was supposed to be him. The frown of the mouth and the eyes gave it away. 

It was hard to tell, Boruto’s drawing skills were awful. Sasuke took the stone from his fingers. 

"You shouldn’t worry about me. I already spent the majority of my life on my own. I’m used to it."

"Yeah, well, doesn’t mean it always has to be the case," replied Boruto. 

Sasuke didn’t answer him.

He simply traced a smile over the frown. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone,  
> I doubt I will be able to post the next chapter before September since I'm going on vacation and I don't think wi-fi will be available!


	6. Chapter 6

Same missions, same routine, only the roads were new. 

They reached Kiri late in the afternoon. If Sasuke thought Konoha had changed, it was nothing next to Kiri, the town became unrecognizable these last ten years. 

Who predicted Kiri, the infamous village of the Bloody Mist, would one day become a tourist dream? 

"What’s next?" asked Boruto.

He stuffed his mouth with another spoon of cake. "We only have to meet Ashi-San tomorrow, right?"

Sasuke nodded. He knew the man for quite a long time already. 

He always gave him the best intel of what was happening underground. _Ashi-San_ had _eyes_ everywhere.

Only a few bills were needed to make him talk. Sasuke knew he was reliable. For the last decade, he kept him updated about every suspicious activities. 

Boruto beamed at him. His black sunglasses slid down his nose. He caught them before they hit the ground. 

"Great! We have the whole evening for ourselves then."

The rest revealed itself to be their hotel room and Boruto telling him about his first trip to Kiri when he was still a kid at the Konoha Academy and how he battled the reformed Seven Swordsmen. 

Sasuke had already read the mission report and heard the story from Sarada, years ago, but he let Boruto talk. It seemed to be a story he liked to tell. 

The sun set and they laid down in their beds, with no clear intention, not even to sleep. 

Sasuke read a book about knots which he found poorly written and inaccurate from the start and Boruto watched music videos on TV with hardly any sound on because he couldn’t find the remote control. 

Sasuke was appreciative of the loss of it. 

Before going to sleep, Sasuke got up and unbuttoned his shirt. He spread it with care on the back of a chair. Boruto joined him and poked his left biceps. 

"You have a mole here."

Without even looking, Sasuke answered:

"I know."

He passed his undershirt over his head.

"We should go out."

"No."

"It will be short."

"What hour is it?"

Boruto glanced at his wristwatch. 

"Only eight."

Sasuke looked at the clock, hung on the wall. 

Of course, he was lying. 

"It’s midnight."

"Come on," said Boruto. "I know a place."

"What place?"

"Surprise."

Boruto’s "surprise" place was the public beach. Sasuke didn’t know what to expect but it didn’t surprise him. It was Kiri they were surrounded by the sea. 

The place was empty except for them. 

No wonder, no one would think of going bathing at almost one in the morning in early spring.

"Tada," said Boruto.

In a heartbeat, without a look at Sasuke, he took off his clothes. He was already wearing his swimming trunks underneath. He didn’t wait and ran to meet the crashing waves.

Sasuke sat, not very far from the swash. 

In the dark, he still couldn’t distinguish where the sand ended and where the water started. 

"You’re not coming?" yelled out Boruto.

In the moonlight, his silhouette was only a black shadow merging with the night.

"I don’t have trunks." 

"I took you a pair. It’s in the bag!"

"The water looks cold,” said Sasuke. 

Boruto didn’t hear him well.

"What did you say?" he screamed in return. 

Sasuke didn’t raise his voice and waited for Boruto to move closer to repeat his words. 

Boruto shook his head. 

"I promise you it’s not."

Fighting his initial reticence, after a bunch of minutes doing nothing except dig his feet in the sand and watch Boruto swim, Sasuke reached for the bag. He took out the pair of trunks Boruto mentioned. It was hard to decipher their color in the dark. They could be red or blue. Pink most likely. 

He took off his clothes and changed into the trunks before joining the sea, the moon above him. 

Surprisingly, Boruto wasn’t lying, the water felt almost warm. Or was it simply because the night air surrounding them was colder? 

As soon as Sasuke entered the water Boruto encircled his neck with his arms and jumped on his back. He made Sasuke lose his equilibrium. 

"I knew it," Boruto said. "Staying alone on the beach sucks."

Sasuke made a sound of annoyance with his tongue and pushed Boruto away. He hit the water with a splash and burst out laughing. He probably thought Sasuke was playing his game. 

"Can you swim?"

Sasuke nodded. 

"I need to be careful to not deviate from my course because of the imbalance between left and right though."

"Show me."

"No."

"We could race."

"No."

"What do you want to do then? You don’t want to swim, you don’t want to play. Are you just going to float like a stick?"

Sasuke didn’t answer. Boruto splashed water at him. 

"I’m sure I’m faster than you."

"I know."

Despite his arm, Sasuke could swim, yes, it didn’t mean he was as fast as someone with two arms. Boruto wasn’t laughing anymore. His eyes slid down on his body. He must have understood.

"I’m sorry," he said. 

"Why?"

"I shouldn’t have said that."

"It’s the truth. Don’t be sorry."

"Still."

Boruto looked down. He fidgeted with his hands and asked quietly: 

"Do you want us to leave? You don’t seem to be enjoying yourself."

"No."

His answer must have not been very clear. 

"No? You mean—"

"I don’t want to leave," clarified Sasuke. 

The smile returned on Boruto’s face. Sasuke found he missed it. 

Boruto nodded with energy.

"Okay, cool! Let’s stay here then."

Sasuke tipped his head back in the water, he could feel it entering his ears. He laid and against all odds...started to float on his back. 

Boruto didn’t hide his disappointment.

"So you’re really going to float, huh."

"Yes."

"That’s lame."

Sasuke ignored him. He closed his eyes. It happened fast. 

First, Boruto hands splayed on his face.

Second, he pushed it underneath the surface. Water and salt entered his throat. Boruto kept his head pushed down till Sasuke grabbed his arm and forced him to let go. He righted himself in the water and Boruto kept laughing as if there was nothing more hilarious than Sasuke blowing water out of his nose.

"You’re insane, Boruto," Sasuke tried to say between two coughs. 

It only made him cough even more.

Boruto shrugged his shoulders. His mouth was now tightly shut. Visibly, he didn’t appreciate being called insane. 

"I was just messing with you."

He swam away and left Sasuke alone. Sasuke felt the burn of humiliation. How easily, Boruto managed to get past his defense. 

With a sigh, he pushed back the hair, dripping of water, from his face. 

"You look sexy when you do that," joked Boruto from where he was. 

He touched his hair and mimicked Sasuke’s previous motion. He expected Sasuke to laugh but Sasuke didn’t. 

"Okay," he simply answered. 

Sasuke glanced at Boruto. He was swimming some laps. His wet hair, like seaweed, was plastered to his forehead. Sasuke imagined himself to be the same. It has its own charm if alga was your thing. 

Boruto caught Sasuke’s attention lingering on him. His eyes narrowed at him in suspicion. 

"What?" he asked.

"Nothing."

They stayed on their side, far from each other, for some time, peeking occasionally in the other direction.

Sasuke was the first to move. As soon as he started to chase him, Boruto, alert, swam away. He tried to join the beach. Then he got tired of swimming and ran despite the water density hindering him down. His mistake. Sasuke managed easily to grapple him before he could get out. His grip was tight from behind. Boruto couldn’t escape anymore. 

"Are you going to drown me?" he asked while rubbing his nose. 

His breathing was still short from the running, or maybe because Sasuke was crushing his torso with his forearm.

"You should have ran faster.”

"I did," Boruto said. "How did you managed to catch me? You were meters behind."

"Chakra."

"But you cheated!”

"There were no rules to start with."

Sasuke squeezed harder and Boruto let out a strangled noise.

"You’re going to break my ribs at this rate."

"Try to get out."

Boruto managed with a lot of twisting to turn inside Sasuke’s grip. He was facing him now. They were barely knee-deep in the water.

It was a strange situation. Their skins were flushed together, from ribs to hips. 

They looked like something they were not. 

Ultimately, Sasuke let go of him. 

He was willing to lose, everything over this, but Boruto didn’t move. 

His mouth quirked in a satisfied smile. "Sorry, I overestimated you. I expected you to know how to hold your breath."

"You took me by surprise."

"If you say so."

Boruto looked up and stared at his hair. Sasuke stared at Boruto being distracted by his hair. It was the occasion he was waiting for. 

In a smooth motion, Sasuke swept his legs and tripped him up. In his fall, Boruto grabbed his shoulders and took Sasuke with him. It didn’t matter. Sasuke had the upper hand. On his knees, before Boruto could get up, he pushed his head down in the water.

Revenge was maybe his longest acquaintance.

When Boruto got out of the water, gasping for air and coughing like he swallowed half of the sea, Sasuke told him "You know how it feels now."

When they grew tired of sinking each other, and the skin of their fingers wrinkled, they went back to the beach to settle on a low dune. 

Sasuke’s eyes were burning because of the salt and his nose and throat still tingled from all the water he swallowed. 

For a long moment, all he heard was his breathing, loud and fast. 

Then the sound of the waves filled his ears and only then Boruto said—maybe he talked before but Sasuke didn’t hear him :

"I’m going to miss you." 

Sasuke frowned. He turned his head. Boruto was laying down beside him. On his side, half of his face was covered with sand. His cheek, his forehead and his mouth probably. It was hard to tell in the night. 

Sasuke lifted a hand.

"Close your eyes," he said. 

Without questions, Boruto executed. 

Sasuke swept away the sand from his eyelids and eyebrows with his fingers. 

"I’m not gone."

Boruto opened his eyes, wide like an owl in the dark. Sasuke tried to find the blue in them. In the darkness, it was impossible.

"But you will be at some point and me too. Soon, we won’t be here anymore. Everything feels so short," Boruto said. 

He paused but didn’t seem to expect a reply. He started to dig in the sand, picked a sea shell and brought it closer to his eyes to examine it. 

"It won’t be the same after."

"After what?"

"In Konoha —once we’re back.”

"Why do you think that?"

"I just know."

The shell ended up laid out on Sasuke’s chest. Boruto kept searching for other shells. 

He studied them all carefully, front and back, then threw most of them back in the sand. 

Once his choices were made, he talked once again: 

"Do you never envy your past self, even if the past is not yet the past? It’s like you already know you will be jealous of yourself at some point in the future. You know you will think: those times were better. And those times are now.” 

His words made little sense. Sasuke looked down at the line of seashells that Boruto had aligned on him, between his ribs. 

Seven.

Some were broken, some not. Some big, some small. There were no common patterns between them. 

His actions didn’t make much more sense. 

"Your reasoning is odd."

 _You’re odd_ , Sasuke wanted to add but preferred not to. 

Nobody liked to be called strange. 

"Why?" asked Boruto. 

Sasuke stared distantly into the sky above them. It was still dark. A few hours left till dawn.

"You’re nostalgic of a time that hasn't ended yet. We’re still here. You’re wasting your thoughts."

"I expected you to get it."

Boruto sounded strangely disappointed. He turned his head in the opposite direction. 

Sasuke peeked at him

"Your hair is full of sand."

"Yours too."

Sasuke lifted his head from the ground and touched the back of it. 

Full of sand indeed. It didn’t surprise him. Water and sand attracted each other. 

The breeze from the sea blew on them, Boruto let out a: 

"Fuck, I’m cold,"

His lips were trembling. Sasuke could hear his teeth chattering too. 

Boruto still chuckled, for no particular reason.

"We should leave," said Sasuke. 

Because he was cold too. 

But Boruto shook his head, in search of warmth, he curled up on his side. 

"It’s fine," he mumbled.

He squeezed his hands between his knees and added: 

"I don’t want to leave."

"We will have to, at some point."

"Tsk, I know. Let’s just stay ten minutes more."

So they didn’t leave. They stayed on this cold beach, laying on the wet sand. 

One minute later and Boruto shifted to lie on his back. 

In his movement, his hand touched Sasuke’s belly.

Sasuke thought it was an incident but Boruto did it again. 

His gaze followed Boruto’s fingers moving up and down on his skin. 

The goosebumps and tingles rose again. He exhaled a shaky breath. 

Boruto stopped but his hand stayed here, splayed on his stomach. On his skin. 

He swallowed and wouldn’t look at Sasuke in the face. 

"You had sand here."

They both knew it was a lie.

"It’s gone."

"Thanks," Sasuke replied. 

And Boruto was still shivering. Sasuke too. 

For a while, they didn’t say anything. And Sasuke could hear his blood pulsating in his ears. The sound of waves too, he could hear them. It was strange how loud they were now, the moment before they brought him peace and now they were deafening. 

Like the thunder. He didn’t like it. This thing roaring inside him. It was a warning. 

They both looked at the sky. Not at each other.

Then, Boruto asked: 

"Are you disgusted?"

Sasuke got up with a sigh. The shells all fell down. The hand too.

He didn’t answer him. 

He went back to the sea. Boruto didn’t join him this time. 

Sasuke could float peacefully now, he was alone with no one to bother him. 

* * *

In the afternoon, the room was draped in a studious silence till Boruto let out a:

"I give up."

He slammed his pen on the desk, left his chair, stumbled, and landed on his bed with a squeezing noise. The edges of his blanket were stuck under the mattress and Boruto struggled to untuck them while he added:

"Just give it to Konoha. They will find a way to decipher it. For all we know, it could be a food recipe."

Sasuke rubbed his eyelids. 

They’ve been at it for two days straight, struggling to decode the scroll they’ve found, the week before inside the frozen casque buried in the sand of a frozen dimension. A desert covered by snow had been a strange sight. A month passed since Kiri. 

"If we send it to the village, we will be stuck here, weeks, waiting for them to answer. They have dozen of codes every day to break," said Sasuke. 

Boruto didn’t answer him. He laid flat on his stomach and tucked his arms under the pillow.

Sasuke glimpsed at him. 

He always slept this way, he had noticed. Rarely on his side, never on his back, always on his stomach.

"I’m going to take a nap," Boruto declared, his voice muffled as if it was something worth being declared.

"Okay," Sasuke answered back. 

Then he got back to deciphering the scroll. 

Soon, the silence of the room was once again interrupted by Boruto. Sasuke gritted his teeth together. 

"I’m thinking of watching a movie."

"I thought you wanted to sleep."

"Not now. After."

Sasuke ripped a blank page from his notebook and started to write down again the most common glyphs. The key was to repeat the process until he managed to find some sense. 

"Do you want to come with me?"

Without looking up, Sasuke replied shortly: 

"No."

There was a silence then a: 

"There is this one you may like." 

"I doubt it."

"You don’t even know what the movie is about."

Sasuke could feel Boruto’s eyes on him, still waiting for him to talk. He sighed and waved toward the desk. 

"I have to finish this."

"We can work on it later. You need a pause."

Sasuke looked over his shoulder, hand finally still, and regarded Boruto. 

"Maybe you’re right. I could use a pause."

And not from the deciphering, thought Sasuke. 

"So you’re coming?"

The hope in Boruto’s voice didn’t escape Sasuke. 

He rolled the pen between his fingers.

"No. I don’t watch movies.”

He scribbled again. A silence followed. Boruto’s mouth was finally shut.

This particular glyph was familiar. A vague memory. Eight years ago maybe. Sasuke needed to check his ancient notebooks to see if there was any record of it. 

"Sometimes, I hate you a little. I can’t help it," Boruto said. 

Sasuke snorted, unfazed. 

"Because I don’t like movies?"

"No, not because of movies."

Sasuke gazed at the desk for what felt an eternity, his fingers clasped around the pen. Suddenly he wanted to break it. The desk too. 

"Did I upset you?"

Sasuke ignored him, he should have ignored him from the start. The start being five years ago. 

He started to write again. 

"I’m sorry," said Boruto through a yawn but he sounded everything but sorry. 

Boruto was still dozing when Sasuke dressed up and left the room. The glyphs and scrolls were left neglected on the desk. 

He went for dinner and wandered around the city after. All small towns were made the same if someone needed to encounter people, all he needed was to stroll toward the center. 

An old fountain, probably dried by the municipality neglect, was standing in the middle of the square. Around it, there were scarce restaurants and shops. Half were already closed. 

Sasuke caught a crowded bar. From the street, he could hear the happy chatters fleeing it.

The man at the door asked him if he wanted to enter, Sasuke shook his head.

The idea was now dreadful to him. What he wished for, he wouldn’t find it here. 

It didn’t take Sasuke long to spot the movie theater. Movie’s posters were displayed above the establishment’s doors. For some time, he wondered which one Boruto would watch and which one Sasuke was supposed to like.

He didn’t know. He couldn’t tell. 

Under a tree, he sat on a bench nearby and waited. 

The sky above his head wore its pink complexion before Boruto appeared. He didn’t notice Sasuke.

For a shinobi, he spent too much time unaware of the others, around him, busy with his own thoughts, in his own world.

Boruto took off his earphone as if he couldn’t do both, read the movie’s summaries and listen to music. His mind was made up quickly. He was never the kind to waver over a choice

Boruto disappeared into the movie theaters and still, now, Sasuke couldn’t tell what he had chosen to watch. 

He thought of following Boruto, search in every room until he found him and sat beside him. He would tip his head, his eyes would find Sasuke and even in the dark, they would widen in surprise because for once Sasuke chose not to lie. And so wholly, all will be good between them again. 

Sasuke didn’t do any of that. 

He got up, thinking the movie must have already started then left the place. His steps were not planned, he was walking in the hope of getting lost. They carried him to an unknown place, a quiet neighborhood. The kind where past eight, families were already all gathered inside.

There was a phone box at the end of the street. Sasuke scrutinized the thing for a long time.

The first time, no one answered. The second time his call was hung up. The fourth time she did answer.

"Allo?" she asked carefully. 

Sasuke had feared he wouldn’t recognize her voice but she sounded the same as in his memories.

"Yeah, it’s me."

There was a silence at the end of the line. 

"Don’t hang up, please," Sasuke added. 

He heard a sigh. 

"Dad," Sarada said. 

Another silence fell on them. Maybe, she chose not to listen to his plea and would cut their conversation short. But, Sasuke could hear her breathing down the phone. 

Finally, she spoke again. 

"How is Boruto?"

"He is fine."

"I miss him. Is he with you?"

It was her way out, Sasuke knew it. He wouldn’t let her take it. 

"No."

He stared down at the ground in the phone box, there were old chewing gums, turned grey by time, all over. He quietly said: 

"I sent you letters. Why didn’t you answer them?"

"I did."

Another silence, then:

"But didn’t send them. It’s better if you didn’t read them."

"Why?"

"I don’t know. They were too mean, even for you. Every time it was time to write, it made me angry."

Sasuke switched the phone from his left ear to his right and repeated:

"Why?"

The "Why?" again was alien in his mouth. It was an unusual word for him.

" _Why_?" repeated Sarada drily. "Because I didn’t know what to write to you. I know nothing about you. We don’t know each other, I realized."

Sasuke shook his head energetically as if Sarada could see him.

"Don’t say that."

"But it’s true."

"Why are you calling, dad?"

Sasuke sighed. 

"I wanted to check on you, that’s all."

"I’m okay."

Sarada’s voice cracked and she blew her nose at the end of the line. Sasuke asked: 

"Are you crying?"

"No, why would I?" she replied. 

There was only one thing Sasuke could say anymore: 

"Sarada," he started. 

"What?"

Her voice was back to being annoyed. 

"I’m coming back to Konoha."

"If it’s for me, don’t bother."

"It’s not for you. We found a Ōtsutsuki scroll, his content is impossible to decipher and—It’s time to come back, don’t you think?"

A soft pause slid between them then Sarada said, 

"Fine."

"Fine," Sasuke repeated 

Then she hung up. 

Sasuke walked for some time. He found a park, closed, but the barrier was easy to climb.

A bench was vacant under a lamppost like it was waiting for him. Sasuke would take it over any smothered space shared with Boruto. Boruto was killing him he felt, and there was no air left anymore in Sasuke’s lungs. Even breathing became hard around him. 

Alone, he didn’t have those problems. 

Nothing could have disturbed his peace of mind. The road had been his sanctuary. 

And now his mind became relentless. It didn’t know rest.

Sasuke felt like he would never get it back. Sasuke loathed Boruto for that. 

There was a small bolt, ready to fall, escaping the wood. 

Sasuke mashed it with his index. It didn’t help. 

He laid on his back and closed his eyes. The stars, he didn’t want to look at them. It didn’t take him long to fall asleep. 

When the morning came, Sasuke awoke with the sun high in the sky. 

Some people passing by were staring at him with a curious gaze and frowned nose as if he was some reeking drunkard. 

His first confused thought was “Shit”. 

It was already eleven.

He dragged his feet till he reached the hotel. The lady behind the desk didn’t look up from the newspaper she was reading. 

"Chamber 2046? It was already paid and the key turned in."

Her nails stopped tapping the arm of her chair, then she asked, her annoyance evident:

"Did you forgot something? I can ask the maid."

"No," replied Sasuke. 

There was a small confection shop nearby. That’s where Sasuke found Boruto, sitting alone at a table outside, a book under his nose. 

_Aerodynamic and Propulsion: Level 6_ was written in white letters on the cover page. 

His bag and Sasuke’s bag were sitting together beside his leg 

He didn’t move when Sasuke approached him. 

Sasuke thought he didn’t notice him at first but Boruto’s attitude didn’t flicker a bit while Sasuke called his name. 

Boruto took a glimpse at him, an instant and said, in a jaded tone: 

"Next time, leave me a note or send me your hawk to tell me you will be spending the night outside."

He folded the corner of his page, closed his book and put it in his bag.

"You never did this before."

Instead of answering him, Sasuke asked:

"Did you enjoy the movie?"

His question was prompted more by the desire to cut this conversation short than by curiosity. 

"It was pure shit."

Boruto didn’t seem to want to extend on the subject and the reason for his dislike. 

He took out his straw, bit the end of it then raised his glass. 

"Do you want some?" He asked. 

All in a very casual way. 

Sasuke shook his head. 

"No."

"Take a sip. I’m sure you will like it."

Those words ringed familiar in Sasuke’s ears. The first time, he declined, the movie. This time he decided to pick the glass and drink. The glass of reconciliation, he wished.

A sip was enough. 

Sasuke didn’t know it was possible for a single glass to have that much sugar.

"So? Do you like it?" Boruto asked. 

"No."

"Why?"

"Do I really have to justify my taste?"

Boruto rested his cheek on his fist and his lips curled up in a smirk. 

"It’s too sweet isn’t it?"

Boruto snorted and Sasuke knew he did it on purpose. 

"It’s a milkshake. What did you expect? Salt?"

"We’re leaving," said Sasuke.

After retrieving his bag, Boruto got up. He stretched up his arms and said:

"Yeah, I know."

 _I know._

Two simple words, enough to electrify Sasuke. 

He reached a point where he couldn’t stand any of Boruto’s words and actions.

His casualness, always I-barely-care, the way he tugged his hands deep in his pocket while he stood.

The constant shrug of his shoulders. The way words flood out of his mouth without a thought.

His recklessness.

He took everything with ease, a smirk on his face. He talked. Casual. Laughed. Casual. Walked. Casual. Touched. Casual. 

The word consequence was foreign to Boruto. 

"No, you don’t know," let out Sasuke. 

_You know shit, Boruto_ , he wanted to scream. 

It wasn’t fair. All this resentment, Boruto didn’t deserve it but Sasuke couldn’t help it. 

"We’re leaving for Konoha."

Finally, Sasuke managed to get a reaction out of him. Sasuke watched the surprise bloom on his face with a strange delight. Boruto’s eyebrows furrowed and his mouth opened silently.

"My training—"

Sasuke cut him before he could finish. 

"Is over. I have nothing left to teach you."

Boruto fell silent. Finally.

He threw his cup still full in the trash. Something changed in his eyes.

"Are you not happy?" asked Sasuke. 

"I am."

"Then what’s the matter?"

Boruto shrugged his shoulders. 

"There is no matter."

A moment after, Boruto turned his back and walked away. 

Maybe Boruto thought, it would be only the both of them forever. 

What a silly dream.

* * *

At the end of their journey, a storm had forced them to take an unexpected stop in the Land of Rivers.

With such weather, almost all the lodgings have been filled up but they’ve managed, after hours of searching, to find an overpriced dusty room with half of the furniture missing for the two of them.

He expected Boruto to grumble because of the dust but he didn’t.

"We should reach Konoha in three days," Sasuke had informed.

They didn't say a word to each other after dinner. It was an odd day. The start of a storm where the air was at its heaviest, brewing, and Sasuke’s old scars ached the most. They sat on the tatami floor and watched the rain patter against the windows. 

"Sasuke.”

The name broke out of Boruto, all of sudden. His nervousness made him rush the syllables as if he wanted it to be done with it the quickest possible. 

"I’ve already told you not to call me that,” replied Sasuke. 

He followed the course of a flying cloth that must have escaped its drying rack. Lonely in the wind. How lucky.

Whatever Boruto wanted to say, Sasuke’s words must have assassinated it because he was now silent. 

Good.

With evasive eyes, Sasuke tore his gaze from the big window to fully regard Boruto.

Boruto stood his back straight and lifted his chin. 

No matter what mask Boruto was trying to wear, he couldn't hide the way his fingers were clenched around the tissue of his pants like a spasm.

"I can’t take care of your loneliness. You’re seeking something I can’t give you. You want to get rid of it and I have no interest in doing it."

Boruto didn’t say a word but Sasuke could hear his agitation and the unsaid words.

"Do you understand that?" Sasuke said. 

Through tight lips, Boruto replied, "I do". 

Sasuke looked at the outside again.

Then Boruto stood up. Too fast, he almost stumbled on his feet. An angry "fuck" resonated. 

"What are you doing?" Sasuke asked,

"I need to walk."

"It’s raining."

Boruto ignored him. He left with the door wide open behind him. Maybe he expected Sasuke to go after him. 

Sasuke watched him leave in the muggy street. 

Terrible idea. 

Boruto was walking, his hand in his pocket. He didn't seem to care about the rain swallowing him whole, making him wet and small. He looked miserable, like a scrawny cat who fell into a pond.

It was enough. Sasuke closed the curtains and went to sleep. Suddenly, the view, he couldn't stand it. 

He hated Boruto and hated himself even more.

The night fell and Boruto didn't return.

Later, when Sasuke opened his eyes, it was not to an empty futon. He saw a form in the dark. His heart missed a beat then realized it was only Boruto. 

In the opposite corner of the room, he was laying his face turned toward him. 

His eyes seemed open. 

Something in Sasuke stirred.

Boruto didn't make a move, he stayed motionless. He didn't look away. He just kept looking and looking. In the dimness of the night, his face seemed strange and unknown. Sasuke knew his eyes to be open. He just knew it.

His hair was dry like a cloud around his face, and the rain had stopped. 

How long had Boruto been here watching him? What was he seeing? Sasuke felt suddenly naked.

"You’re here," he said.

Boruto nodded.

"Yeah."

Then, with a sigh, he turned and faced the wall. 

Sasuke watched him. 

Sleepiness was now gone. 

* * *

It was hard to get out of the habit, especially when the habit was a person. It could take forever. 

Sasuke realized it when he caught himself talking with no one to answer him. 

They were back in Konoha, after four long years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back!


	7. Chapter 7

* * *

One of the first things Sasuke did, once he’d returned to the village, was to send a message to Sarada. His hawk flew high between the buildings and inside the metal tube, attached to the animal, those words :

_Give me a sign when you’re free._

He got no answer. 

* * *

The week before, Sasuke had booked a room in the first hotel he came across. As a kid, there had only been a single hotel, placed at the village’s gate. A despicable place, people used to say. Now, there were at least four establishments in the town center alone. Could a town with four hotels and skyscrapers still be considered a village?

“Any room?” had asked the short man behind the desk had asked. 

Any room meant, not the cheapest, not the most expensive. The one in the middle. 

“Yes,” Sasuke had replied.“For one person."

The man handed him a key and pointed at the stair at the end of the corridor.

“Second floor. Room 26.”

The floor made of wood was full of dark spots, eaten by humidity and the years. It creaked under his shoes. The door creaked too. The bed sometimes. The creaking room, full of unwanted noises. That’s what was _any room_ meant in this hotel. 

But the mattress was surprisingly good—could be why Sasuke didn’t leave and search for another place to settle. Could be he was too lazy. 

If Boruto had been with him, he would have looked at Sasuke with playfulness in his gaze, made the floorboard squeak purposefully under his feet, as if he was playing a wind instrument with pedals. Then, he would confess, “It’s kind of small, no?”.

Because it was polite enough, than to say, “It’s shit”, even if he thought it was, from the get-go. 

But Boruto was not here. 

* * *

Sasuke went to the old home. Not his. Never his. Sakura’s home. 

She opened the door. Sasuke stood there awkwardly. 

“Hello,” he said. 

She forced herself to ask,

“How are you?”.

Sasuke replied, “I’m fine.”

He tried to spot any differences that could have landed on her over the years. She looked the same or rather Sasuke had forgotten what she looked like four years ago. There has been no picture to remind him. 

Her eyes studied him the same. 

They didn’t say anything and Sakura moved from the doorframe. 

He still didn’t enter. 

The suitcase was already at her side. Smaller than what Sasuke expected it to be. 

He spent less than three months altogether in this house. There was no mug, no books or scrolls, nothing, expect some clothes. There has been so little of him, here. A wanderer that was what he was, even in his native village. 

“That’s all there is?”

“Yes.”

There was a silence then Sakura said through pursed lips, “You can check your old room if you don’t believe me.”

Sasuke shook his head. 

“It won’t be necessary.”

A thick layer of dust recovered the suitcase. Sakura most likely packed his things years ago, to hide them from her sight. She must have left them decaying, under a bed, waiting impatiently for the day, she could get rid of them — and the day has finally come. 

Sasuke lifted the suitcase from the ground and asked, “Is Sarada here?”. 

“No,” Sakura answered. 

“Can you give her this?”

She took the paper from his hand while Sasuke explained,

“It’s the number of the hotel I’m staying in.”

They exchanged a few other words, terribly meaningless, and then she closed the door before Sasuke had the time to say goodbye. 

* * *

“You’re a fucking asshole, you know that,” said Naruto as soon as Sasuke entered his office. 

Sasuke’s brows lifted high.

Right away, he noticed, Naruto’s desk was still a mess. Sasuke could picture perfectly Shikamaru’s exasperation, a pen rolling between his fingers, craving for a cigarette, coercing Naruto into sorting out his papers. Some things never changed. 

“You’ve been back for a week and you didn’t even think of me?” Naruto added.

He got up from his chair and crossed his arms over his chest. 

Sasuke shrugged his shoulders. 

“I was busy.”

“With the scroll?”

“Among other things, yes.”

“Did they find something?”

“Not yet. You would have known if they did.”

Naruto tried to keep the angry mask on, but a smile slipped before he could stop it. He touched his own hair and titled his head a bit to the side. 

“Your hair is a little shorter, no?”

“Huh maybe.”

“You don’t remember? It reached your back before.”

A snort left Sasuke. 

“You’re still the same idiot.”

Naruto beamed at him and hit Sasuke's shoulder with the back of his hand. 

“Four years. Fuck.” 

He plopped himself down on the nearest chair. 

“But you’re here now. Boruto too.”

Sasuke looked outside. Boruto was a subject he would rather avoid, with Naruto especially, of all people.

“It’s a little weird to have him back. He is stronger now and—” started Naruto. 

He paused. 

“Weirdly calm.”

“He was a kid, last time you saw him,” replied Sasuke. “It would have been a problem if he didn’t change.”

Naruto peeked at Sasuke from head to toes, an amused smile on his lips. 

“He stole your look.”

“Hn.”

“Your brooding too.”

Sasuke stayed silent. He just glared at Naruto which made his friend’s smile widen. 

“Can’t believe you’d let him do that.”

“I don’t mind, honestly.”

A silence fell on them. Both looked outside to regard Konoha. 

It was hard to admit sometimes, but Sasuke had missed the town terribly, its chaotic habitations made of heteroclitic architectures, colorful roofs, and electric cables.

“Is it the same for you?”

“What?”

“Does Sarada look that different?”

Sasuke didn’t say a word. Naruto must have understood the reason for his silence. 

“She didn’t change that much, you’ll see. She still wants to be Hokage, by the way.”

“That’s good to hear,” replied Sasuke. 

* * *

Later that evening, when Sasuke returned to his hotel, the concierge told him someone had left a missive for him:

_I have some free time tomorrow if you want to meet. Call me tonight, at 8 pm._

* * *

Something was wrong with Sarada. Sasuke noticed it pretty quickly. She barely touched her anmitsu when he brought her to the confectionary shop. 

Sasuke wanted to spend some time with her, catch up the years away. She changed a lot. Sasuke understood Naruto now. She was smaller and nicer in his memories. How much he missed. 

He thought she liked the place, she used to, maybe her taste changed. He spoke, told her about his travels, and yet she didn’t listen to most of his words. Lost in her thought, her full attention was elsewhere, in another place. Where? Sasuke didn’t know. 

He wished he knew but realized he ignored all the places where his attention could have been. More than anything, he wanted to learn them. 

Something needed to be done.

He thought of reaching for Sakura. She could help him get the answers he wanted. However, after reflection, it was perhaps not the best idea. It felt too easy, to ask Sakura, not Sarada. 

“What are you doing here?” Sarada asked, the following day, from the tree she was perched on when Sasuke had joined her at the training ground.

“I wanted to see you.”

She blinked at him.

“Did something happen?”

“No.”

“Are you sure? Is Mom—”

“Sakura is fine, Sarada.”

She jumped to join him on the ground.

“Oh.”

“I—” started Sasuke."I just wanted to check on you.”

The surprise on her face wounded Sasuke more than he was willing to admit. Sarada touched her glasses to adjust them.

“Well, I’m perfectly fine. Thank you.”

She didn't seem to understand his question or didn't want to.

“If there is something on your mind, you know you can tell me," Sasuke said, quietly.

He thought of squeezing her shoulder but it would have been too much.

Sarada’s full attention was already elsewhere as she repeated, a hint of irritation in her voice, "I’ve told you, I’m fine, Dad.”

She didn't wait longer and turned her back with a snort, kunai already in her hand. Sasuke walked away.

Damnit.

* * *

A few days after, Sasuke was here again, at the same training field. 

Sasuke caught sight of Boruto. He should have predicted it, Sarada and Boruto were good friends. Sasuke thought of turning heels but the shouting made him change his mind. 

Boruto was silent, head down, and Sarada looked angry at him. 

They were arguing. Sasuke wondered about what. He never saw them fight before. Bicker yes, not argue this way. 

“Sarada,” tried Boruto. “I just want—”

He caught her arm before she could leave. She yanked it. 

“Listen, you were clear enough. I don’t want to talk about it anymore.”

“But—”

“Please, leave me alone, Boruto. You’re not help—”

“What is happening?” interrupted Sasuke. 

The two looked at him, startled. 

Sarada’s lips thinned and she walked away, fist clenched. 

Boruto consciously avoided his eyes.

“Boruto,” insisted Sasuke. 

“I have to meet Mitsuki, I’m already late.”

He walked past him, shoulders hunched and face tight. 

Sasuke stayed and Sarada didn't stop her training for him. He studied her calmly. 

Her movements were imprecise. 

She was struggling and even missed some genin-level jutsu.

Sarada asked him the same questions she asked the day before “Is everything okay?" and Sasuke gave her the same answer “Yes, everything is fine”.

In silence, she regarded him for a while. She looked elsewhere, at the ground, and finally admitted.

"It’s nothing”.

So there was _something_. Sasuke had been right. An absurd pride filled him. 

He didn't say a word and waited for her to talk while they both sat on a tree trump.

Her cheeks were flushed red and her voice was raw when she confessed:

"It’s so stupid. Boruto he—"

She bit her lips and didn’t finish.

"He what?"

"He is not interested."

Sasuke’s brow furrowed.

"In what?"

"In me."

Sasuke blinked then blinked again, his lips parted, and every word, sentences, he wanted to say died on his tongue. 

His stomach twisted. The words turned in his minds and he couldn’t—refused to grasp their meanings. 

Shit.

How did he miss this?

There were hundreds of questions in his mind and he couldn’t ask any of them. The two of them together, golden head against black head was a nightmare, he never dreamed of. 

“Is it why you were fighting?” he managed to ask. 

Sarada nodded, ignoring every sign of his trouble. 

“I just—I didn’t have any expectations but still, I hoped after these years away, that he missed me like I missed him and maybe—“

Sasuke didn't say anything.

“He told me he loved me.”

And when Sarada smiled for the first time since he was back, her smile didn’t feel like a true smile. It was one that didn’t bear any illusions.

“He told me he loved me, the same way he loved Himawari.”

Sasuke’s heart broke a little more while her dark eyes got shiny again behind the thick glasses. He never hated himself more.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

She sniffed loudly and wiped her cheek with her palm. 

“Don’t be. It’s not your fault.”

In fact, Sasuke suspected it was.

With a creaking noise, Sarada ripped a big piece of bark from the trunk. She threw it away angrily.

“He loves someone else,” she said.

Sasuke should have stayed quiet, instead, he quietly asked:

“What makes you say that?”

A shrug.

“An intuition.”

Sarada stayed silent for a while.

“I’m sure it’s Sumire. She told me she liked him.”

Sasuke didn't know who Sumire was, Boruto never mentioned her. He didn't feel like asking.

It didn’t matter who was smitten with Boruto. 

“Maybe in a few years, when you are both older, he is going to realize he needs you after all,” said Sasuke. 

It was utter bullshit but Sarada needed something nice to hear, right now.

It didn't work.

“No.”

Her voice was sharp. She looked even angrier.

“I’m not waiting! If he doesn’t love me now, why would he love me later?”

She gave him a sidelong look.

”Did you ever get rejected, Dad?”

Sasuke was usually the one at the other end of the thread, the one who did the rejection. But at this moment, Sasuke wished he had his heart broken, at least once. It would have helped him find the right words. He was unable to say anything comforting. 

Sarada laughed to his surprise. She probably guessed his answer.

"Don’t make that face, it’s okay. You’re lucky though.”

Sarada smiled faintly and Sasuke already felt better.

* * *

The conversation he had with Sarada haunted Sasuke for the rest of the week. 

Once the scroll was decrypted, Sasuke should leave Konoha. Leave all the village behind. Take the road again and return in a few years. He dropped Boruto, fully trained, his mission was accomplished.

He wouldn't tell anyone, expect Naruto because Naruto was the Hokage, so of course, he had to know. Take the first train, his dusty suitcase with him, and put all the distance he could between him and this fucking mess. This fucking mess wearing the name Boruto.

An hour after, the idea of leaving revolted him. He couldn’t leave, not so soon. 

The worst realization hit Sasuke, he didn’t know what he wanted.

He was a coward in front of the impossible. Deciding. 

The Monday morning, Sasuke woke up to a strange noise at the window. It was impossible to ignore. The noise was heard again. 

The bed creaked when he got up. Sasuke seriously thought a bed slat was about to crack. 

He recognized quickly his hawk tapping the glass with its beak. 

Sasuke opened the window to let the animal in. 

He blinked, lost. There was no scroll attached to its feet. The tube was empty. 

“What are you doing here?” He muttered under his breath. 

Sasuke stroked the feathers of the animal’s head. 

“Oi,” was heard from the street out of sudden.

Sasuke recognized the voice right away. 

Boruto. 

He thought of returning to bed and pretend he didn’t hear anything. The idea of ignoring Boruto was not easy to accept. 

Sasuke stuck his head through the window and looked below. 

Boruto was standing here. Judging by the dimness outside and the empty street, it was still ridiculously early. 

Disconcerted, Sasuke stared at Boruto waiting for him to talk, break the silence between them. Sasuke wouldn’t do it. 

“Hi,” said finally Boruto. 

“How did you know I was here?”

Sasuke had to almost shout to be heard. He hated it. It wasn’t a conversation meant to be shouted. 

“Found your hawk at the dovecote and released it. All I had to do was follow it.”

There was a silence then: 

“Can we talk?”

“Boruto—“

“It will be short.”

“Fine,” conceded Sasuke. “Room 26.”

Soon, steps were heard in the hotel corridor.

Before Boruto could knock, Sasuke twisted the knob and opened the door, careful to be silent.

“I woke you up,” realized Boruto while his eyes took Sasuke in. 

He was considerate enough to whisper, not to wake the other clients. 

Sasuke could barely keep his eyes open. He didn’t have to look in the mirror to know the wrinkled sheet left creases on his face.

“It’s five in the morning. Maybe you don’t sleep but I do.”

Boruto gave Sasuke a sorry look and joined him inside. He gave the room a short glance. Miraculously, no floorboard winced under his feet. 

“Heh, it’s not a palace,” he said. 

“No, it’s not. Why are you here?”

“Sarada told you?" asked Boruto. 

Answering a question with a question, it made Sasuke furious. 

Boruto moved inside the room like it was his. He touched everything. From the curtains to Sasuke’s cloak, he ran his fingers idly on them. 

The same way, someone would have acted after entering a childhood house, left behind a long time ago, except Sasuke doubted Boruto ever rented this room before. 

It was not the room Boruto left behind.

Sasuke knew what he was after, fragments of him, to catch what he missed while they were both apart as if there were years separating them instead of weeks. 

“Yes,” Sasuke admitted. "She told me why you fought."

Boruto stilled to pick up a boar figurine made of ceramic standing on a dolly. The one who reminded Sasuke of a piggy bank. He knew Boruto must have found the thing ugly and that was probably why it caught his interest.

He couldn’t see Boruto’s face, only his back, but it was enough to see how tense he was. 

Sasuke wanted to know why Boruto wouldn’t give up on something he couldn’t have. How long left would it take? 

Boruto put the figurine back and turned to face him. His eyes lingered an instant on the open suitcase near the bed then he conceded to look Sasuke in the eyes. 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt her. I didn’t know she felt that way.”

What a mess. Sasuke passed a hand in his hair, and said with a sigh:

“It’s fine. It’s none of my business anyway.”

Boruto didn't seem convinced. 

“I don’t want you to hate me.”

“I don’t hate you.”

Because Sasuke couldn't hate him for something he has no control over. He couldn't hate him. 

He knew Boruto believed it to be the case. Sasuke did nothing to prove him wrong all this time. He should have told him that the one he despised was himself, not him, but he didn’t say anything. 

“You don’t huh?” repeated Boruto. 

He bit down a smile but failed to contain it. 

“Well, I don’t hate you neither.”

“Never thought you did.”

Boruto grinned, ear to ear, like Sasuke just offered him the entire world, all his previous anguish, gone.

It made Sasuke want to scream. 

“Do you want to spar with me today?” Boruto asked suddenly. 

The nervousness in his voice didn’t escape Sasuke.

“If I’m free, why not,” he replied casually.

“Noon?”

“Alright.”

“Cool.”

The smile didn’t leave Boruto’s lips. He stepped closer, only to pat Sasuke’s arm awkwardly. 

“Well, see you later.”

“Try to sleep, even a little.”

“Yeah, yeah,” mumbled Boruto before darting out of the room. 

Sasuke leaned against the doorframe and watched him leave.

Just like that, whatever had broken between them had been repaired.

Just like that, his mind was fixed, he would stay in Konoha a little more — just a little more. How pathetic he was. 

* * *

A month later, Sasuke walked into the assignment building, only to find Sarada and Kawaki, their hands joined together under the desk. 

Sasuke left without making his presence known. He didn’t want to embarrass her. 

She had moved on from Boruto quickly, as only the youth can. A good thing. 

He wished it was that easy for him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for reading (and all the kudos, plus bookmarks)! I must have rewritten this chapter at least three times, sorry for the small delay. Don't hesitate to tell me your impressions


	8. Chapter 8

* * *

It was hard to pinpoint the moment in Sasuke’s life when the first person he thought to seek for help became his apprentice. It may have happened on the road when he had been careless. 

"I should make you pay or something," Boruto mumbled, his breath short. He dropped a big carton on the floor and sat on the armrest of the couch he brought during his previous trip downstairs. "Fuck. I’m sweating so much.”

In a careless motion, Boruto took off his jacket and threw it behind him.

Sasuke pushed the window wider. It was particularly hot that day, he couldn’t deny it. He should buy a fan or invest in air conditioning.

"How many cartons are left?" Boruto asked.

He opened a bag of chips with a pop and managed to stuff half of it in his mouth.

"Sixteen," sighed Sasuke.

Boruto choked.

" _Sixteen?_ ”

"The apartment barely comes furnished," explained Sasuke.

"Why did you choose the highest floor then? The building doesn’t even have an elevator!"

Sasuke shrugged his shoulders. 

"It was the quickest available."

Indeed, Sasuke grew pretty tired of the impersonal and cold hotel rooms. On a whim, he decided to buy this apartment after spending another sleepless night in the squeaky bed. If he was honest with himself, he knew the bed was not the real cause. 

Boruto joined him at the window. He leaned his back against it with his elbows resting on the windowsill and took in the view behind him.

"At least the view is nice," he said

Sasuke stared at him. Indeed, the view was nice.

All Konoha and even a bit of the forest surrounding the village was visible.

They fell in a comforting silence only interrupted by the occasional crunchy noises of Boruto eating his snack.

"You look different," he said to Sasuke between two potato chips.

"Do I?"

Boruto nodded.

"Yeah, I don’t know, less tense."

Was he? Sasuke didn't know. Maybe. Relieved, for sure. He didn't realize how heavy was the mask was until he took it off. This dreadful feeling had disappeared every time he thought of home. 

He looked at the sky. A vivid red.

"See, you're even smiling," noticed Boruto. “Maybe you will show your teeth, for once."

And Sasuke didn’t even try to contradict him. His smile became a laugh.

The rest of the evening was spent gathering all the cartons inside the apartment. When done, Boruto dispelled his last clone and gave a circular look at the place. It was still bare and looked deserted. There were a few things that came with the apartment but they were sparse. A bed, a table, yellow curtains, half of the kitchen and that was it. 

"Do you need a hand to unpack and push the furniture?"

It was almost nine. Sasuke shook his head. 

"It can wait.”

"Oh okay."

A silence fell on them, Boruto stared at him in a curious way. 

“Well, I should leave,” he said.

To which Sasuke had nothing to reply so he only nodded. 

Boruto raised his hand quickly and did what he said. He left. 

Later during the night, Sasuke thought, maybe he should have bought dinner for them both. Boruto must have been hungry. 

Tomorrow, for lunch he would fix this wrong, he promised himself, and if it took them the full day, he will also buy dinner. 

The next morning, Boruto called to tell him he received an unexpected mission and couldn’t help him further.

* * *

“It’s crucial,” Boruto had told him. 

His index tapped the metallic plate of his headband while he added with a smile: 

“First official mission together. Can you believe it, coworker?”

Sasuke fought the urge to roll his eyes. 

“Stop saying, _coworker_. You make it sound like we’re working in an office.”

“Is _partner_ a better word?”

Sasuke glared at him. 

“No, it's not,” he said. “Or you could use my name like any normal person.”

Boruto thought for a bit —or pretended to, then replied: 

“No, I don’t think I will.”

* * *

The streets were awash with voices, plentiful and merged together. Faint music could be heard behind the chatters. 

Boruto and Sasuke exchanged a surprised look. 

Yesterday, this small village in the Land of Bears had been deadly quiet. The place was now unrecognizable as if all the villagers decided to leave their house like ants crawling from the ground. 

“Hey you!” yelled Boruto at a kid passing nearby.

The girl stopped and approached them, a cup of melted ice cream in her hand. She was about to stain her acidic green dress, Sasuke noticed.

“What’s happening here?” Boruto asked while handing her a tissue to clean up. “Is there some kind of celebration?”

“Yes, a wedding.”

“In the middle of the street? That’s lame.”

Sasuke gave Boruto a heavy look to silence him. It didn’t work. 

“What? Don’t people rent cool venues usually?”

“Some people opt for simple things.”

Sasuke didn’t say, Some people are poor, but he hoped Boruto would get it. 

The girl wiped the corner of her mouth then said in a high-pitched voice:

“It’s my aunt’s wedding. You can come if you want.”

Sasuke was about to decline but Boruto nodded and said, “Yeah, that would be awesome!” 

“Forget it,” Sasuke retorted right away. “We’re still hours away from Hoshigakure.”

“Come on, it could be fun. I just want to watch. We’ll leave after.”

They followed the girl. She brought them to the center of the small village. 

All the villagers were gathered here in this cobblestone square, in front of the main temple. 

“You can sit here,” she said, pointing out a stone bench. After that, she left them to join a group of other kids. 

They were the farthest away from the main attraction, the groom and the bride.

“Well, we can’t see shit,” Boruto realized with disappointment while he took off his cloak. 

“Indeed."

Boruto brought his thumb— why always the thumb?— to his mouth. Before he could bite the nail, Sasuke, for the sanity of his ears, caught his hand.

“Stop that,” he warned. 

“I can’t control it."

Boruto snatched his hand back and stood on his tiptoes, chin up, in hope of a better view. 

"I’ve never been to a wedding before," he admitted, eyes lost on the crowd. 

"Really?"

"Yeah."

They stayed quiet till Boruto looked down at him and asked:

"How was your marriage?"

"Not exceptional,” replied Sasuke, his voice monotone.

"No, I meant the ceremony."

"I was talking about the ceremony."

"Ah."

When he realized he couldn’t see much better because of all the people flooding the dance floor, Boruto finally sat down. He turned toward Sasuke. 

“It’s weird. We don’t have pictures of it in my family albums.”

“It’s normal. There was no one to take them.”

“Huh?”

“We signed both our family’s registers and that was it.”

“You didn’t have a reception or something?"

“No.”

“Why?”

“I couldn’t see the interest of it.”

Soon, a woman approached them. She asked Sasuke for a dance. He said no.

The little girl from earlier came back. She asked Boruto for a dance. He said yes. 

She barely reached his waist, but he still managed to make her twirl, to the tune of two songs.

"She is so cute! She looks like Hima, little," Boruto said once he was back on the bench beside Sasuke. 

Even when trying hard, Sasuke couldn’t see any resemblances with Boruto’s sister.

"Do you miss Sakura-San sometimes?"

How did the subject jump suddenly from Himawari Uzumaki to Sakura?

“Why this question?”

“I just wonder. We are at a wedding, you must think of her.”

"Not really.”

There was a silence then Boruto asked:

“Did you love her?”

“This, Boruto, is none of your business.”

One the most annoying thing about Boruto was his perpetual questions, they were never lonely, aways followed by another one. Infinite, Sasuke felt. He liked to press, often too far. 

“Can I ask you something?”

“No.”

Boruto ignored his answer. 

“Do you think you will ever find love again?”

Sasuke inhaled sharply. He was tempted to leave the bench now and the village too. 

“What are you doing?” he asked. 

Boruto shrugged. 

“We never talked about it, I’m just interested.”

“This conversation is over.”

“Why?”

Sasuke couldn’t answer him. It wasn’t something he was supposed to talk about. 

He only knew this subject carried a big cross in his mind. He stayed silent for a while, then admitted:

“It doesn’t interest me,” he admitted through pursed lips. 

“ _It_?”

“Love.”

Boruto’s eyebrows rose high on his forehead. 

“What?”

The astonishment on his face made it feel like Sasuke had just confessed his worst crime. 

“I don’t see the point of it,” he added.

For a while, Boruto’s mouth stayed tightly shut. He stared down at his shoes and there was a shadow on his face that wasn’t here before. Sasuke couldn’t tell who he was sad for, for him or himself. 

“Well, that sucks,” Boruto finally said."A life without love seems just awful.”

“You talk about it like you know what it is.”

“If you had asked, you would have known.”

“Know what?”

“That I’m in love,” said Boruto.

He said it with a smug expression on his face as if there was anything to be proud of. And maybe there was something to be proud of; the ability to feel and name it so easily. 

“Good for you,” replied Sasuke drily. 

“Did you even search for it?”

“No.”

"But why?" asked Boruto. 

"What’s the point? I’m better this way."

"Alone?"

Alone. 

It stung more than Sasuke was willing to admit. 

"Yes."

"Shit. It must not be easy to be that bitter. Love is not a curse, you know."

Boruto paused. He moved his head closer to his and whispered like he was offering Sasuke a secret knowledge:

“I don’t think, we, humans, are meant for loneliness.”

The corniness of his words made Sasuke want to fight him. 

“You shouldn’t apply your own opinion to the entirety of humanity, that’s incredibly arrogant.”

“You think I’m arrogant?” 

“When you think like that, yes.”

Boruto smiled wirily, his eyes back on the crowd. 

“Got it. Stay alone with your empty heart all you want,” said Boruto while getting up. 

He grabbed the strap of his bag and took it off, then let it rest on top of his folded cloak. 

“But I’m going to dance, meet people, then greet the groom and bride.”

“You don’t even know them,” Sasuke noted. 

“Well, it’s their wedding. It would be rude to not greet them. Isn’t that what people usually do?"

“I don’t know.”

“You’ve never been to a wedding either, have you?”

Sasuke blinked. For a while, he didn’t say anything then he admitted:

“No.”

“No wonder, with such thinking, I can understand why no one invites you.”

Boruto threw his jacket at Sasuke, mumbled “watch my stuff, please.” then left. 

With a certain disinterest, Sasuke watched when Boruto grabbed from behind the hand of a random girl, draped in a blue dress. She halted in surprise and was about to remove her hand, till her eyes found Boruto’s face. 

She smiled, visibly pleased, and Boruto smiled back while she wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her cheek to his shoulder. They started to dance, without any words, as simple as that. 

A few seconds, that’s all they’ve needed, nothing more. 

Sometimes, Sasuke wished his heart to be empty. 

* * *

Boruto possessed some disconcerting tastes. A reflection of who he was. 

He liked to wear a bolt — not the lightning bolt, but the fastener— as a necklace and tie a black rope around his ankle. Sasuke couldn’t remember ever seeing him without these two, even in his sleep.

There was something about this anklet that always managed to catch his eyes.

It has no reason to be here but here it was, hanging freely.

When Sasuke had first met Boruto, he had been quite reassured to notice Boruto didn’t inherit his father’s love for tacky color. No traces of orange on him. 

The boy was mostly wearing dark clothes.

Mostly was the word. 

How wrong he had been.

Sasuke had slowly discovered the truth, during their years spent together. It didn’t really come as a surprise. There were little clues hidden everywhere.

The outside of his track jacket was indeed black but the lining. Pink.

Soon, Sasuke had noticed, outside missions, most of the oversized t-shirt Boruto wore were a different shade of pink. 

Light pink. Dark pink. Dull pink. Regular pink. Red pink.

Salmon. 

He probably owned the whole color range.

Boruto from his own confession revealed at twelve, he used his first salary to buy himself fluorescent pink boxer shorts. 

Sasuke didn’t remember what he first bought as a Genin —probably foods and books— but it wasn’t for sure fluorescent pink boxer shorts. 

It sounded like the most hideous cloth someone could buy.

That’s when Sasuke understood that Boruto was even worse than Naruto. He just knew how to hide it behind the layers of black.

Although, Boruto always wore pink with effortless confidence. 

He didn’t care about other people’s opinions or what they could have assumed about him.

It was a part of him.

All of these were small details and Sasuke ignored why he had noticed them in the first place but they were pieces of the puzzle to understand who Boruto Uzumaki was.

* * *

They’ve been back for five months and Sasuke’s eyes couldn’t help but inevitably be attracted by the village gate.

Things were different now. He didn’t want to leave and it was something that should worry him. He wasn’t mean to stay here. His life was outside. 

Naruto had given Sasuke the biggest smile, full of teeth and eyes wrinkles when he entered the Hokage office carrying an Irichiraku bag. He had never looked so worn. All dreams come with a price, they said.

Maybe Sasuke was the same but he didn't know it, too used to see his face in the mirror every day.

“I guessed you were hungry,” he told Naruto while dropping the bag on the miraculous free square space that was not covered in paper and files.

“You guessed well!”

They ate, Naruto babbled between each bite as usual. Sasuke didn’t interrupt him.

He didn’t know how but the subject was soon on Boruto.

“He is not like himself lately. He seems off.” Naruto said.

Sasuke noticed a new wrinkle on his friend’s face, a line between his two eyebrows. He wished he could erase it.

With a sigh, he answered:

“He’s always been moody. Don’t worry. It’s probably because of the fight he had with Shikadai and Inojin.”

“They fought?”

Naruto seemed surprised.

“Yes. Two weeks ago. They are still not talking."

“Oh. I didn't know.”

An unusual silence invaded the room.

“Does Sarada tells you things?”

"No," answered Sasuke. 

Because it was the truth.

She did it once after he pressured her to, never did it before and never did it again. 

A smile appeared on Naruto’s lips. He raised his eyebrows slightly and in a voice that wanted to be casual, admitted: 

“Well, Himawari tells me everything.”

Right now, there was nothing Sasuke wanted to do more than hit Naruto in the face. 

“Good for you, Naruto. You’re lucky.”

“Aw come on, don’t be jealous. It’s balanced. Boruto tells me shit. Kawaki is barely better. So zero everywhere.”

Everything felt like a competition between them, at moments. 

Naruto started to play with his sticks. He began, his voice unusually hesitant:

“But Boruto, he tells you about that kind of stuff, right?”

“What stuff?”

Naruto gave him a quick sideways glance.

“You know. Friends...”

He paused. 

“Girls. That _stuff_.”

So that’s what "stuff” meant. Sasuke didn’t know what answer he could give to this question, especially when Naruto added:

“He never said anything to us. Does he have a girlfriend? Did he have one? Is there some girl he is crushing on?”

Sasuke could have said, No, he never told me anything, and this conversation would have been over but he chose to tell the truth.

“Sometimes, he talks about it, yes.”

At those words, Sasuke could see Naruto’s eyes lightening up and he felt his insides turn sour, not for Naruto but Boruto.

“Really? What does he say ?”

Every spoken word could be a betrayal to Boruto’s trust. Sasuke chose his answer carefully:

“In the past, he asked some questions.”

“And now?”

“No. Not anymore.”

Boruto’s mind had been settled for some time already, the cause of Sasuke's worst insomnia.

“I see,” said Naruto.

He smirked.

“Any girlfriends?”

“No, not that I am aware of.”

His words didn’t seem to be the one Naruto wanted to hear. The edges of his smile faltered a little

Sasuke wondered what Naruto imagined. Did he expect his son to be some secret lady killer?

“Oh. That’s weird no? I mean, he is eighteen. A year later and Hinata and I were married." 

“You were the exception, Naruto.”

“Most of our friends before their twenties were already married, you included,” countered Naruto.

He talked about it like it wasn’t their biggest mistake.

“There has been a war, times were different.”

Sasuke’s words didn't seem to satisfy Naruto.

He rubbed his chin with a sudden fond expression on his face.

"I remember being no older than twelve and babbling all days about Sakura. I used to be crazy about her since I was small like that.”

He placed his palm not very far from the ground. 

“He is not you,” retorted Sasuke.

It didn’t feel like the right thing to ask but he asked anyway:

“Do you think he is unhappy?”

Naruto sunk in his leather chair then laced his fingers behind his neck. He stared at the ceiling, reflecting on his words for a while.

“No. I think—He just doesn’t seem to care at all.”

“That’s what matter then.”

“Guess so.”

His mouth spoke before Sasuke could stop it,

“I wasn’t like that neither.”

It felt like revealing a piece of himself, buried very deep. Naruto stared at him in surprise for an instant then he laughed.

Sasuke’s lips tightened. He shouldn’t have expected better. 

“You were the exception, Sasuke,” Naruto mocked, echoing Sasuke’s words. 

Perhaps he was after all.

Sasuke stood up, ready to leave, but Naruto’s voice stopped him before.

“Come on, bastard, give me something. Did he even have his first kiss?"

There was hope on Naruto’s face and Sasuke hated it.

There was no way in hell he was answering this question. No.

But he thought of Naruto’s desperation, of Sarada and how Sasuke felt more and more a stranger in her life. She had been right. He contradicted her at the time but now, he wasn’t so sure...

Naruto was only trying to learn trivia about his son’s life and Boruto always refused him that simple thing.

Sasuke knew too well his pain. 

“Yes,” he let out.

“Really?”

“Why would I lie?”

“And?”

“And mind your business, idiot.”

“Come on.”

He was going to regret it later. He knew it.

Lying, again and again. 

“It was a princess.”

It was the prostitute with the starry nails but he didn’t want Naruto to have the wrong idea. 

Naruto laughed hard.

“No way! Was she pretty?”

“Yes.”

In fact, she was not exceptionally looking but Naruto seemed content with his answer.

That was what mattered. 

Past ten, in the street, before parting way, Naruto looked Sasuke right in the eyes and told him “Thank you, Sasuke. That's good that he has someone like you he can count on."

At simple sentence, fifteen words, and it was enough for the knock, in Sasuke’s stomach to twist a little more. 

Another sleepless night was waiting for him at home.

* * *

The first time Boruto slept at his apartment, Sasuke didn’t ask why he just opened the door and let him in.

Boruto had asked him if he could stay there for the night. Sasuke gave him the spare futon he kept in his closet and went back to his room. Boruto chose to sleep on the couch instead.

When the morning came, he left while Sasuke was still sleeping. A few days after, he told him about the particularly virulent fight he had with his father. Sasuke couldn't say he was surprised.

It happened again.

After the sixth night, Sasuke had started to call it a habit. 

He gave Boruto the key, each time before leaving the village, in case he needed a place to crash in. He knew Boruto slept in his bed when he was not here. His pillow and sheets always smelled different when he returned.

He should have minded. He did not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We reached half of the fic yay!


	9. Chapter 9

It happened fast — a period of chaos and noises. Too fast for Sasuke to grasp fully the scene unraveling. He spotted Boruto from afar, on his knees. Someone disappeared in a portal. 

"Boruto," Sasuke shouted. 

His own voice was only a distant noise. His ears were still ringing from the aftermath of the fight.

"Shit. I fear your headband took a blow," Boruto told him while Sasuke crouched at his side. 

Boruto was clinging to his face with his palm as if half of it would fall if he didn't hold it together. Maybe it was the case. Sasuke saw the blood leaking between his fingers and imagined the bones and all the horror underneath.

He tried to take Boruto’s hand away, carefully but Boruto didn’t let him. His grip was tight guided by irrational fear and pain.

"Let me see," demanded Sasuke.

He had to repeat himself a few times for Boruto to finally concede. 

"Is it bad?" he asked hoarsely.

Sasuke tried not to let his concern slip.

"Barely."

There was blood, a lot, but it was expected from a wound localized here, a cut from the eyebrow to the cheek, slashing precisely his eye in two. How did it happen? 

Boruto tried to open his right eye but his lashes were soaked in blood. 

Sasuke swept it away with his fingers. He tried to be kind but Boruto still winced.

"Sorry," he whispered. "Try again."

Boruto eyelids fluttered. He couldn’t open his eye fully. Sasuke still saw glimpses of blue. He couldn't tell if the cornea was intact. 

"It’s blurry. I can’t see shit," said Boruto.

His voice had grown alarmed. Panic was rising in him. Boruto tried to conceal it but his breathing was getting quicker. He repeated:

"I can’t see through this eye."

"Calm down, " Sasuke stroked his cheek to soothe him as he would deal with a feral dog. "That’s normal. Don’t worry. "

Somewhat, he managed to make even more a mess with the blood, smeared it everywhere on Boruto’s face. He wiped his hand on his pants and said, "It’s going to be okay."

And it was a lie. 

* * *

"What is it?"

Sasuke didn't answer. The whole day, he kept looking at the midday sky. The sun shined bright that day, not a single cloud to hide the blue of it.

Later, he would learn it was already too late.

"Oi, you could answer me," insisted Boruto.

A bandage still covered half of his face. Nine stitches. They said it would still take a few weeks to heal and would probably leave a scar. They said he lost half of his visual acuity in this eye. Sasuke couldn’t look at it without feeling sick.

He sighed.

"I just feel weird."

He joined Boruto on the ground where he was sitting cross-legged. They ate their lunch in silence or more precisely Boruto ate his lunch and Sasuke tried to. He couldn't. This gloomy feeling in his stomach, it was not leaving. Something was off.

Without warning, Boruto let himself fall back onto the grass, arms open. Sasuke shot him a disapproving look.

“We are still two days away from the village. We should take the road quickly.”

Boruto beamed at him.

“Chill, boss. The mission is over. Are you never tired?”

Sasuke chose not to tell him he wanted to be in Konoha a soon as possible.

“Are you going to take a nap?” he asked.

“ _Are you going to take a nap?_ ” mimicked Boruto in a poor imitation of him.

Sasuke simply glared at him. Boruto closed his eyes.

“Maybe.” He shrugged nonchalantly. “Maybe not. If I don’t open my eyes in two minutes then consider I’m sleeping.”

Two minutes passed, Boruto’s eyes were now open, all his attention focused on the dry leaf he was holding above his face. 

He tore it into tiny squares.

Guess, Sasuke had his answers.

"They should construct a big pool in Konoha like in Kiri," Boruto told him all of sudden.

“Konoha already has a pool.”

Boruto snorted. He threw the leaf or what was left of it on the ground and propped up himself on his elbows. He titled his head back and closed his eyes to bath in the sun. 

“Come on. You call this a pool? It’s small, old and smelly. I want a true pool, not one where children piss in the water all the time.”

Sasuke never visited Konoha’s pool so he couldn’t know if it was true or if Boruto was exaggerating. He probably was.

“I’m not the person in charge of the infrastructure at Konoha. You should convince your father, not me.”

“I guess." 

The minutes passed, Sasuke looked up at the clear sky again and Boruto didn't move.

"Ugh. It itches so much," Sasuke heard soon.

Boruto was trying to pass a finger under the tight bandage around his head. Sasuke caught him by the wrist.

"Stop it," he said." You’re not supposed to touch the wound."

Boruto made a grimace but complied.

"Goodbye, my beauty." He let out a sigh. "I’m going to look like Grandpa Kakashi now."

"It’s just a scar. Most shinobi have them."

"Not in the middle of the face…” mumbled Boruto. 

"Does it really matter? "

Ignoring Sasuke, Boruto smirked smugly.

"Well, at least, it will give me a mysterious vibe. Dad told me it was a badge of courage."

Sasuke sniffed and Boruto’s expression shifted to worried.

"You don’t think so?"

"I don’t think it matters. It’s stupid. Scars or not, you’re still the same."

"Hm.”

Boruto still didn’t look fully convinced. 

Soon Sasuke felt a pull on his belt. Surprised, he lowered down his attention and watched Boruto playing with the kunai hanging there.

The sunlight was licking every inch of his face.

Sasuke noticed the gentle sweep of his blond eyelashes. 

With his hair, a bright yellow in this light, he reminded Sasuke of a dandelion.

A pretty dandelion, Sasuke would have liked to keep in a pot at his bedside. 

Boruto noticed Sasuke’s gaze.

As if he was caught doing something he shouldn’t, he stopped right away doing whatever he was doing with the kunai. 

“Do you want me to sharpen them? Their blade is worn. My whetstone is in my bag,” he asked.

“You’re messed up. You know that?"

Boruto’s face dropped. Sasuke instantly regretted those words. 

He wished he could eat them back. He knew exactly what Boruto thought but it was too late.

“What’s up with this fixation on kunai?” Sasuke asked. 

“Hm?”

“You always want to sharpen them.”

Boruto started playing with the kunai again.

“It’s relaxing, that’s all,” he admitted, not really looking at him.

With an unreadable face, Boruto passed his finger from the blade to the tip slowly, making the weapons bump into each other in a metallic noise. He grabbed one and pulled, not enough for it to come off, but enough for Sasuke to feel the movement. 

“Be careful,” Sasuke warned, his voice low.

He got a tiny smile as an answer.

“Stop worrying. So do you want me to do it?”

“No. I need to buy new ones, anyway. They are starting to get old.”

“I could-“

“No.”

“But you are going to throw them anyway.”

“Still no.”

“Your loss.”

There were so many things Sasuke didn't understand about Boruto and this almost obsession was one of them.

“You should seriously consider working in TenTen shop. I’m sure you already have a fidelity card with a big picture of you on her wall with 'The client of the month', written underneath.”

Boruto laughed, loud and abrupt. Something clutched inside Sasuke’s chest. Boruto bumped his head against the side of his thigh as a lazy form of protest. 

“Is that so? All this training you’ve put me through, for what? Now, you want me to end up a salesman? In Tenten's shop? And it’s Client Of the Year for…”

His words were mingled, Sasuke couldn't understand half of it but he smiled anyway. 

Then Boruto’s hand came to rest on top of his leg. 

Nonchalantly. 

As if his hand belonged here. 

Perhaps it was the case, maybe his hand belonged here. Without looking at him, Boruto squeezed his knee. 

He smiled at him. Sasuke didn’t smile back. If Boruto’s hand drifted higher, Sasuke would not stop it and this simple thought frightened him.

They didn’t speak.

It was like that. Boruto always needed something from him to touch, like an anchor. 

A shoulder, a knee, an ankle, anything. Sasuke always gave him what he asked for. It was a sleepy head on his arm in the train, a foot touching his during the night, a leg over his lap sometimes. In what Sasuke gave, there was always something he took. The difference between taking and giving had blurred when it came to Boruto. 

There were moments Sasuke knew he would miss, later. 

How many smiles and stares did he have left? Before Boruto grew defeated?

He opened his mouth, ready to say something but Sasuke stopped suddenly, startled.

His chakra... How did he not notice it before? Getting closer. 

Naruto.

“Boruto.”

In a quick motion, they both looked behind them. 

“Dad?” Boruto said while sitting up."What are you doing here?”

Sasuke watched Naruto and he knew deep down something terrible had happened, by the small line of his mouth and the shadows on his face. 

All the years he knew him and he never saw him like that. Their eyes met a brief instant, then Naruto’s whole attention was focused again on Boruto. The latter stood up and joined his father in a hurry. Sasuke didn't move.

He already knew this conversation didn't involve him.

“You need to come back to the village, now,” he heard Naruto said.

Boruto frowned.

“Did something happen?”

There was a silence, too long to be meaningless. Sasuke chose to look at the ground, his jaw clenched. He was a coward. Deep down, he knew what was going to happen. He was not strong enough to watch.

Naruto struggled. He opened his mouth then closed it, lips shivering and head titled down. The following words cost him the little energy he had left.

“I’m sorry. I’m really sorry…”

He kept talking, his voice weaker and weaker, and Sasuke couldn't remember much after that. Only Boruto’s denial while his father was holding him.

* * *

It was a bright sunny day when Hinata Hyūga's funeral took place. A hot unbearable sunny day, the kind when dung-flies wouldn’t stop buzzing next to open windows. When people locked themselves in their air-conditioned house for days. The whole village was still here to pay their homage. She died like a true kunoichi, fighting till the end and utterly alone in her adversity.

_"To protect this boy."_

_"He was like a son to her."_

_"Poor Hokage-Sama."_

_"They told him, it was too dangerous but…"_ whispered old ladies while swabbing their faces with their handkerchiefs to get rid of the sweat.

Sasuke and Hinata didn’t know each other that much. He couldn’t remember the first time he met her. He always knew her, Sasuke felt. His entire childhood, she was here. Always in the same class, at the academy, never close. She was the girl who hid —behind walls, behind her fringe, behind big clothes.  
Silent and docile, like only children who have been screamed at too often can be. 

A moment stayed with him over the years, they had to work on a project together. They were still small. That day, she didn’t say a word. Her fingers didn’t stop fidgeting. Sasuke found her annoying, her voice was too low, he had to tilt his head to the side to hear her rare words, small like a trickle of water. 

He worked on his part alone then spent the rest of the afternoon looking outside. She was not a hard person to ignore. 

They got the best grade, Sasuke remembered that too. Hinata smiled —only a faint smile shaken by nervousness— face red when Iruka had congratulated them in front of the entire class.

Sasuke had taken the graded paper home with him, had hidden Hinata’s name, to make his father believe the work was his doing alone. 

He was a silly kid. There have been two different handwritings on the paper and his father had spotted the fraud right away. 

Hinata let him keep the paper even if Sasuke knew, she would have wanted her father to see it too. 

Later, Sasuke learned her education and his were the same. They both knew them too well, the unforgiving fathers, leaders of their clan, vigilant for any weaknesses. He heard later what the Hyūga's clan used to do to its weakling.

No, he barely knew Hinata but Sasuke knew she would be missed by a lot of people, people close to him. 

* * *

Two weeks after, Naruto gave him a mission. The world kept spinning. The Hokage was back, dead wife or no.

There was a light in Naruto Uzumaki that was now forever extinct and there was no fire on this earth that could revive it. 

He became apathetic. A word Sasuke would have never associated with him before. 

He asked Naruto, "How are you?”

“Fine.”

Naruto didn't look up from the file he was reading.

Liar.

“And your family?”

Naruto made a face. His lips tightened. He said darkly, "Himawari can’t even cook without bursting into tears. Her eyes are so puffy and red that she can barely open them in the morning. Kawaki keeps breaking stuff. He is probably going to run away soon and Boruto...I haven’t seen Boruto in a while, he is not leaving his room. Hanabi is staying with them.”

Grief. It was not hard to imagine it, eating all of them, deep, nibbling on their bones.

“You know, I’m here."

Naruto kept reading his paper. Nothing suggested he heard Sasuke. 

"Naruto—"

“I know. Thank you.”

Sasuke hesitated then asked: 

"Can I leave tonight?”

“Why not now?”

“I have something important to do.”

“As you wish.”

* * *

There was nothing lonelier than grief. An insufferable battle to fight alone. 

“I had to ring the bell at least twice. Himawari told me her brother didn't want to meet anybody. We gave her the food Mom and Aunt Ino cooked then she closed the door. Mitsuki and Shikadai tried yesterday and the day before and got the same answer from their aunt,” explained Sarada. "I don’t know what to do.”

She was not taking Boruto’s attitude very well. Sasuke sighed. 

Last time he saw Boruto was at the funeral, Boruto was too stuck in a bubble made of grief to notice anyone, squeezed between his sister and father, on a booth where all the Uzumaki and Kawaki were gathered.  
Boruto didn’t cry. Not once. He only watched the ground the entire time of the ceremony. 

“I will see what I can do," Sasuke said, walking at her side.

Sarada didn't look convinced. She gave him a skeptic look and Sasuke understood without words her question. If his closest friends didn't manage to reach him, why would Sasuke succeed where they failed?

He knew why but he was not going to admit it, especially not to her.

* * *

In front of the Uzumaki household, he almost expected Hinata to answer the door.

Kawaki did. 

He stood in front of him.

Kawaki was a complicated case. He wasn’t Naruto’s biological son. Neither Hinata’s, for the matter. He was a few years older than Boruto. They never adopted him but he lived under Naruto’s protection since the age of fourteen. He never left the house since. Kawaki became Naruto's disciple and Naruto stayed his guardian.  
A late shinobi. Yet, particularly talented with a strong will. His devotion to the Uzumaki's family had no limits.  
Naruto viewed him like his son and Boruto like his brother.

Kawaki looked terrible. Empty. They all did but he had to deal with demons who others were free of. Guilt.

He called Himawari and disappeared.

Exactly, what Sasuke feared. He stayed a few minutes alone, in front of an open door. He could enter the house now and search for Boruto but the idea seemed wrong.

“I don’t think he is ready to spar yet,” told him Himawari.

Like always, her voice was soft, yet firm. It reminded Sasuke of Hinata but the daughter possessed something the mother always lacked, confidence. She was the most terrible guard.

“I’m not here for that. I need to talk to him.”

She didn't move, arms hugging her chest, and looked at him with caution.

“Uchiha-San I don’t think it’s a good idea. He—He asked me to not let anyone bother him.”

“It’s important.”

“I—“

He didn’t let her finish, "It’s urgent like I said."

Sasuke waited for her hesitation to grow.

"Can’t it wait? "

"No."

"I’m sorry. Really. I can leave a message if you want.”

It was harder than what Sasuke had imagined.

"Himawari. Let me see him. "

She shook her head again and was about to push the door close but Sasuke didn't let her. 

“He asked me not to," she said. 

Sasuke took a step forward.

“So what? What if he decides to stay in his room forever? It’s been half a month already, are you going to let him bury himself?”

Doubt. He could still see it in her eyes. Sasuke took advantage.

“It’s going to be short.”

She didn't say anything.

“If Boruto wants me to leave, I will. I swear.”

With a sigh, she finally relented to let him in, her lips pursed together. Sasuke could see she was not pleased. 

“Thank you,” said Sasuke.

“Do you want me to call—?”

“No, I can find his room alone,” he said while closing the door behind him.

It has been long since Sasuke had been here, for the last time. The house didn't particularly change. 

Whatever was destroyed during the attack, had already been replaced. Same wall, different smell. 

It smelled like blood and flowers. Sasuke felt nauseous.

His step took him to one of the only closed-door upstairs. He knocked three times. He didn't get any answer. He still twisted the doorknob and entered the room.

A pause. He expected it but it didn't help make things better. The room was a total mess, clothes, and paper all across the floor and pile of dirty plates on the desk. The curtains were closed and the light was off. It was so unlike Boruto.

Here, in the middle of the bed, he was lying, under the cover, his back to Sasuke. He didn't move. Sasuke turned the light on.

“I told you to leave me alone, Hima," Boruto said, coldly.

“It’s not Himawari.”

Boruto glanced at him a brief instant. His face was blank, his eyes hollows. The bandage and stitches were now gone replaced by a long scar. The skin was still a little swollen and pink. 

Boruto looked at the wall again.

“What’s going on? Do I finally have a mission?”

“No.”

“Then what are you doing here?”

“I wanted to check on you,” Sasuke said.

“I’m alive. Here, checked, you can go.”

“Boruto.”

“What?”

“You don’t seem fine to me.”

“Maybe I’m not, doesn’t change anything. I want to be left alone.”

“Come on, at least look me in the eyes when you’re talking.”

Nothing. No sign Boruto was willing to move. He stayed immobile. Sasuke decided to sit on the border of the bed. Boruto pulled the sheet over his head.

He pleaded,"Please, leave.”

“No.”

“Leave.”

“Don’t count on it.”

“Please.”

“No.”

A "fuck”. Boruto was finally sitting up, making the blanket fly to the ground. He looked like shit. He looked angry —at Sasuke.

“You know me well enough, Boruto. I’m not moving,” Sasuke said.

A long sigh, Boruto buried his face in his hand. He didn’t say anything. 

“Why don’t you go take a shower first then let’s go for a walk, you and I.”

“Why are you doing this? I told you I wanted to be alone.”

“That’s not the solution.”

“I have no choice, do I?”

Sasuke shook his head.

“Will you leave me alone after that?”

“Yes.”

“Fine.”

So, Boruto dragged his feet to the bathroom.

Sasuke gathered most of his clothes into the laundry basket. He opened the window to get rid of the closed smell in the air, then cleaned the rest of the room as he could.

His attention was caught by the pictures near Boruto’s bed. He saw Sarada and Mitsuki with their sensei, Konohamaru. 

He saw Naruto and Hinata. Kawaki and Himawari. 

He saw himself too. There was no real picture of him, just an old tatty card with his face on laying here. He brushed the card with his index. He didn't even remember taking this picture. 

“I’m ready,”Boruto said.

He appeared in the door frame, hair still damp, wearing a simple t-shirt and sweatpants.

“Let’s go,” Sasuke replied.

Boruto didn't ask any questions. He walked beside him, his hand shoved in his pocket and Sasuke didn't mind the unusual silence. 

They arrived at the pier near the lake, a little before dawn. The Uchiha estate was not very far. Even now, Sasuke could feel his stomach twist. His mind drifted. He thought of his father, standing tall and straight with crossed arms, in front of the water.

And how small his body had looked while he laid on top of his motionless mother. Both dead with their throat sliced. 

“What are we doing here?” Boruto asked him.

Sasuke sat on the ground, his feet dangling above the water. It has been so long. He hated this place. The representation of his loneliest year.

“You know what happened to my clan, the Uchiha?”

Boruto hesitated. He sat beside him and admitted:

“I may have read some classified files in my father’s office.”

Sasuke snorted. 

Of course, he did. 

“What did you learn?” he asked.

The sun started to set and Boruto didn't say anything for a while. When he finally did, his voice was low and careful.

“Your brother, he slaughtered your family, your clan.”

Lies.

Yet, Sasuke didn't contradict him. It was not his role. Not now. 

Maybe after. 

“I lost them all when I was little.”

He watched the calm water for a time.

“I was so mad.”

“At your brother. "

Sasuke considered the question for a moment.

“No, not only. I hated him, yes, but I also hated everyone and everything. The sun shouldn’t shine brightly. How can they all be so indifferent and keep living their life, laugh, speak, as if nothing happened? I was jealous of everyone I met on the street because they probably still had their family while I didn't. I wanted to scream because the entire country should have been mourning like me, even if they didn't know a single Uchiha. The world stopped for me this night and I expected it to end for everyone else but it didn't. The world is not going to suddenly stop. The world is not going to wait for you Boruto.”

Boruto nodded and kept whispering “I know, I know.”

“It’s just,”

He breathed hard. He couldn't speak for a while.

“…It’s just I expect it to end, you know. I’m a fucking idiot. I keep telling myself that tomorrow, it will be better. But there is no tomorrow, there is no after. Death is forever. You die, and nothing can change that. All that is left are ashes. Yet, why am I still hoping? It’s like my brain can’t accept it. I still catch myself wishing for her to come back home from whatever journey she’s on. But she is not coming back. My mother is gone and I will live the rest of my life without—”

He didn’t finish his sentence.

“Fuck,” he whispered."She is dead.”

A painful realization. Boruto tried to stop his tears from falling but they kept running on his face. He eventually buried his face in the crook of his elbow.

“Shit,” he kept repeating.

Sasuke reached over and wiped his tears. Boruto let him.

“I can’t even remember the last thing she said to me,” Sasuke managed to understand.

Sasuke wanted to tell Boruto to trust time, somehow the only thing that could ease this vivid pain he was feeling in the depth of his chest. That right now, he felt like drowning in his own tears but a time would come when they would eventually stop. He wanted to tell him to never give up himself to absolute loneliness. Yet, those words felt vain at this moment. So he kept wiping his cheek. He held him like he would have held the lonely boy he once was. 

It was almost dark when Sasuke got up on his feet.

“I think I’m going to stay here a little longer,” said Boruto, his gaze lost in the water. 

His eyes were dry and Sasuke left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last Boruto chapter was great! I hope you all follow the manga.


	10. Chapter 10

After his mother’s death, Boruto started to show up at Sasuke’s door more often. 

Once a week, maybe. Sometimes more, sometimes less. He could stay days there and then reappear weeks after. 

Sasuke took up the habit of keeping his key under the doormat every night, just in case. 

Most of the time, Boruto came without explanations. Sasuke wondered if Boruto truly fought with Naruto each time. 

Maybe he couldn’t stand the idea of staying in the house where his mother had been killed. 

Sasuke didn’t know if Boruto told Naruto about his nocturnal whereabouts. Probably, not.

He didn’t ask. Sasuke didn't mind his presence. He shared enough space with Boruto during their travel to not care anymore or be uncomfortable.

No, it didn’t change anything.

His voice and his presence were already too familiar. 

Two months passed, Boruto’s scar thinned, and his smile didn’t grow back. 

Sasuke feared he would never see it again and it was an insupportable thought.

Boruto was laying at his usual place. Sasuke couldn’t tell when this couch became Boruto’s couch but it did —the television and the video games he brought were his too.

He had pushed the furniture, besides the open window to sunbath fully in the summery afternoon light, an arm thrown lazily over his face. His eyes were shut, so Sasuke watched him, from the table. 

The silence of the room was soon interrupted.

“I need to show you something,” said Boruto. 

Sasuke’s gaze jerked away quickly, his attention returned to the book he neglected minutes before. 

Boruto lifted his back from the couch while his hand reached into his back pocket. 

Sasuke recognized the thing, even from afar. A keychain. Boruto threw it for Sasuke to catch.

“Hima brought me this. Do you know where it is? She doesn’t,” asked Boruto. “You must, you’ve been everywhere.”

The keychain was a frame made of plastic glass, small enough to fit inside his palm. The photography of an open cave with a clear water pool laid inside it. The water looked almost green. 

Sasuke frowned. He thought for some time then answered: 

“Could be in the Land of Demons. Near the border with the Land of Swamps. There is a subterranean lake here.”

He gave Boruto the keychain back. 

“The Land of Demons huh?” echoed Boruto, the disappointment clear in his voice. “It’s the end of the world. Have you ever been there?"

"No."

Boruto held the picture above his face. He stared at it a little longer with a pensive expression and finally concluded,

"It must be a great place to be."

* * *

At the start, Sasuke had been reluctant to the idea. “It could be fun,” Naruto had told him in the street, the week before. “You can always leave if you're bored.”

The _no_ had been on the border of his lips once again but Sasuke had stopped himself before. Against all odds, he’d accepted because Naruto needed this. A distraction from the loss and the grief. Life was returning to normal and having a drink with friends was part of the normality even if they never did it before. 

Naruto and Sasuke were not the kinds to drink together every Tuesday night at the same bar. But tonight, they would with Shikamaru and Rock Lee. 

They all agreed to meet at eight. Sasuke thought Naruto would be late like always. There was always a last-minute request to keep him busy in the office, but tonight it wasn’t the case. At five minutes past eight, he was here with Shikamaru at his side.

Naruto smiled cheekily at him while he slid into a chair at the end of the table where Sasuke was already sitting. Lee joined them some minutes later. 

Tonight, any sorrow Naruto could have, he did everything to hide it. Not a slip. He talked and laughed and joked. That Naruto possessed this ability was a painful surprise for Sasuke. 

Even his smiles seemed reals — probably were— yet there was a frailty to their edges that wasn’t here before. They broke too easily, too much sadness was tucked in them. 

Naruto ordered himself a beer and one for Sasuke. Sasuke didn’t say anything even if he didn’t like the taste of it. 

To please Naruto, he forced himself to drink the frothy white foam and let Naruto finish the rest.

Lee was the first to leave, a little before ten.

“You don’t have to return home early, this time? Temari is not going to beat your ass?” joked Naruto. 

He was slouched lazily on the table, the side of his head resting on his stretched out arm. His sleeve was damp and full of crumbs, noticed Sasuke. It must have happened after Lee spilled half his glass. Naruto didn’t seem to care.

Shikamaru shook his head.

“She is not home. She left for Suna with Shikadai last week to visit Gaara." 

Naruto turned his head to look fully at Shikamaru. His brows furrowed. 

“Last week, you say?”

“Yeah.”

“You’re sure of that?”

“It’s my family so yeah I’m pretty sure of that.”

A snort escaped Naruto. 

“That’s funny.”

“What is funny?” asked Sasuke. 

He distractedly traced a circle with his fingertip on the table. 

Naruto regarded him. He put his leg on the chair next to his and said: 

“Because Boruto told me he spent the weekend at Shikamaru's house with Shikadai.”

Sasuke stilled.

Shit, he thought.  
The air around him grew thin. Sasuke knew exactly where Boruto spent the previous weekend.

With him.

“Ah,” let out Shikamaru. 

Naruto slammed his knuckles on the table. 

“He lied again. I can’t believe it.”

“He must have his reasons,” tried Shikamaru. 

Sasuke stared at the ceiling, at the door, anywhere expect Naruto’s sharp-eyed gaze.

“Tsk, as if it made things better. I don’t like liars.”

“You’re overreacting Naruto,” said Shikamaru. 

Naruto straightened in his chair. He glared at Shikamaru with narrowed eyes, the set of his shoulders furious, before he could say anything that he would regret later, Sasuke pushed back his chair. 

Both looked at him in surprise. Sasuke told Shikamaru, 

“I think he had enough for tonight.”

“No—” tried Naruto but Sasuke forced him to stand up. 

“You’re walking him home?” 

Sasuke nodded. Naruto followed him reluctantly. They went into the tiny street and Naruto pointed his finger straight in the air to tell Sasuke. 

“I’m not drunk.”

“I know. But it’s late. You’re working tomorrow. Me too.”

At the simple mention of work, Naruto made a face. He passed a hand over his face, and only then noticed the state of his shirt, damp and dirty. He scrunched his nose up and confessed, 

“I don’t want to go home. Hiashi —Hinata’s dad— is there, and if he sees me like this...He is going to think I’m drunk but I’m not—I’m not drunk!"

Sasuke sighed. 

"I believe you Naruto, once was enough.”

"Yeah, I’m just tired. I woke up at four in the morning today, you know. I bet even you, don’t wake up at four in the morning.”

“No, I don’t."

They walked through the night and at some point, Naruto asked Sasuke: 

“Where are we going, by the way?”

"To my apartment, you can sleep here.”

"Thank you,” answered simply Naruto. 

Naruto was a foreign thing in Sasuke’s living room. 

In reality, aside from Boruto and on a rare occasion Sarada, no one has put a foot here, except Sasuke. 

He tried to imagine what the place could have looked like in the eyes of a person who've never been here before, who hadn't seen the small changes and new pieces of furniture appearing throughout the weeks. 

His home was full of blank spaces, his things were sparse, not empty, no. Boruto used the word “free” and it was an odd choice to describe a place but Sasuke knew what he meant. He hated crammed places. In the less, there was something comfortable. 

“So, you live here?” Naruto asked. 

He scratched the nape of his neck. “It’s spacious. I like the decoration.”

It took a laugh out of Sasuke. 

“What decoration?”

Naruto waved at the armchair. 

“That plaid, right here. I like it.”

“Okay, Naruto. You like my plaid. What else do you like?”

“I’m trying to compliment your home, asshole.”

“Well, thank you, I’m touched,” said Sasuke. 

He took a futon from the closet and laid it on the ground. 

“Do you have a preference?” He asked.

“Huh?”

“Besides the wall? In the middle of the room? What do you prefer?”

“Besides the wall is fine.”

After giving Naruto a T-shirt and gym shorts for the night, Sasuke disappeared into his bedroom to undress as well. 

He looked outside the window, at the night sky and thought of Boruto. He was stationed at the border with Oto tonight. He could be sleeping right now but Sasuke doubted it was the case. 

Sasuke drifted back toward the living room. He found Naruto standing in front of the television. The screen was black and Naruto was not moving. 

"What are you doing, idiot?"

Sasuke stepped closer and only then, he realized, Naruto was not watching the television but the box-shaped device placed lower. 

A dreadful feeling spasmed inside him. He forgot all the things Boruto left behind. 

“No fucking way, Sasuke, you play with that?” asked Naruto, the confusion in his tone, evident. 

Sasuke shrugged his shoulders, his disinterest practiced enough to appear real. 

“Sometimes.”

Naruto shot him a dumbfounded look, so Sasuke added:   
“It can get boring when you're alone.”

“So you bought yourself a console and—”

Naruto paused to count all the games aligned neatly inside a storage unit. 

From best to worst, had said Boruto to him, the month before, while he organized them, sitting cross-legged on the ground. 

“Sixteen games. Fuck."

“I like them."

It was a lie. Sasuke watched Boruto play sometimes. He found the concept overall boring.

“I can’t believe it," said Naruto.

He shook his head while holding back another laugh.

Sasuke stared at his side profile. Right now, he thought of telling Naruto the truth.

I don't play, idiot. Boruto lied, he is spending most of his free time here _,_ Sasuke should tell Naruto right away.

Why would Sasuke hide it? He did nothing wrong, always pushed and pushed Boruto back, but the words wouldn’t leave him. He didn’t understand why. He kept silent. 

Then Naruto got on his futon and any hope for a confession at the moment died. 

“Do you want me to stay a little with you?” asked Sasuke as he sat on the armchair. 

“Yeah, why not.”

Naruto tucked his arm underneath his head, a small smile on the border of his lips. His eyes were lost on the ceiling. 

“You know when I was twelve, I’d wanted so badly to have a sleepover with you.”

“A sleepover?” echoed in surprise, Sasuke.

“Yeah. I thought it would be cool if I slept at your house and you slept at mine like Sakura did with Ino.”

Sasuke imagines the two of them, kids, spending time together after a mission at each other home. They never really had the opportunity to do it. It was a new regret. 

“You should have asked.”

“As if you would have accepted. You would have said no right away. You were such an asshole,” pointed out Naruto. “I pictured us destroying each other faces with pillows like in the movies.”

Sasuke laughed loud enough for Naruto to hear him. 

“It would have ended with a murder if you’d slept at my home,” he said. 

“Yours, of course. I would have won.”

“Tsk. Keep dreaming.”

There was the briefest of pause. 

“To tell you the truth, no one slept ever at my apartment before Hinata. She was the first person to do so,” Naruto admitted softly. “I bought new sheets and new plates just for her. They were purple I remember because she told me she liked lavender. Do you know how hard it is to find lavender plates? It took me days but she noticed the gesture. She noticed everything.”

A sniff was heard. 

“Can you turn off the light?” asked suddenly Naruto. “I feel sort of sleepy now. Sorry.”

Sasuke only nodded in return. 

“Goodnight Naruto,” was the last thing he said before returning to his bedroom.

* * *

It was late summer, the air was still warm with insect buzzing. The intense heat of the start of august faded away, to allow more tolerable temperature. Summer came with death and was about to leave, leaving nothing but a sour taste behind.

"You’re acting weird," Boruto had told him while walking backward, his jacket tied around his waist. Sasuke wondered how he managed to not constantly trip when his eyes were never on the road.

“You didn’t say a word since we left Konoha. What’s your problem?”

“Nothing.”

“Come on tell me.”

“Maybe I don’t want to,” said Sasuke in a flat voice. 

Surprise made Boruto still in his steps. They reached teeming sunflower fields. “Is it me?” 

“No,” replied right away Sasuke. 

“You’re lying.”

He shrugged his shoulders. His gaze wandered dismissively on Boruto. 

“Maybe.”

His casualness was crueler than any yes, knew Sasuke. 

The night fell on them while they interrupted their walk to set up their camp.

“So?” said Boruto, mouth full of rice.

Sasuke didn’t even bother up looking from his bowl. 

“So what?” he said. 

"What did I do?”

There was a line of ants, in front of Sasuke, trying to slide under a wet leaf on the ground. 

He observed them for a while before asking point-blank:

"Why did you lie to your father?"

“What do you mean?”

Sasuke stared at him right in the face. 

“You said you were sleeping at the Nara’s house.”

Boruto just held his gaze.

“I did.”

“Why?”

Boruto remained quiet. He chewed his nail, frowning deeply. A habit, Sasuke thought Boruto managed to fight. Visibly, not. 

“Boruto—”

"I don’t know,” cut Boruto. “I just can’t tell him because then he would ask questions.”

Sasuke said nothing. 

“Did you tell him the truth?” asked Boruto. 

“No.”

“Why?”

Only the silence answered Boruto. Sasuke’s silence was a lie indeed. He couldn’t tell Naruto because in a single admission, there were too many others left unsaid and Naruto could read all of them better than anyone. 

“See. You also chose to lie.” Boruto rose to his feet. “It’s not just me who is hiding.”

He drew closer to Sasuke. 

"I know you think you are unknowable but you aren't. Trust me.”

They looked at each other for a moment. With defiance like two enemies. And Sasuke was the only one fighting this battle. Boruto had never fought, only waiting patiently for his defeat. 

Boruto added, "I know your secrets too."

Sasuke’s brows lifted. All this confidence was almost laughable but right now, he didn’t want to laugh.

"Really?"

Boruto must have found the situation funny too because he smirked.

"Yeah.”

"And what are they?” asked Sasuke.

Boruto loomed over Sasuke. Too close.  
He mussed his hair then told him lowly,

“Let them stay secrets.”

At those words, his heart missed a beat and a chill ran through his spine.   
Something in those blue eyes, like a spark, was telling him Boruto was right. He knew the verity and right now, Sasuke strangely didn’t mind if he did.

Boruto returned to his place, beside his bag. He observed the dancing flames, the wood crackling underneath. 

“Maybe one day I will tell my father the truth, about you but now I can’t.”

His gaze left the fire to regard Sasuke. Their eyes met and for a while, neither of the two spoke. 

“But you, you already know. I love you, you know that.”

Those words Sasuke always feared them and Boruto spilled them so easily, with such a carefree manner that the only thing Sasuke wanted to do right now was to clamp his palm over Boruto’s mouth.

There was no one but the two of them in those woods but they should always be silent, even the trees shouldn’t listen to them. They weren’t meant to be said out loud.

Sasuke was suddenly afraid. He felt a surge to run. He needed to walk, be alone. He stood up. 

_Now, now, now._

“I—”

“Boruto, please stop,” Sasuke let out. 

He hated the sound of his own voice, how weak his plead was. 

Mouth shut, shadows crept on Boruto’s face. He bowed his head down, and something inside Sasuke stirred. 

All his anger dissipated, replaced by something worse. His feelings were overflowing, menacing to spill out. He wanted nothing else but to hold Boruto tight, against his heart and whisper in his ear, all the truths hidden inside to chase any anguish from his eyes. 

Sasuke never managed to face Boruto's sadness and this was his ultimate demise. 

“I can’t lie to you,” said Boruto.

"Stop it.”

"I’m sorry—"

"Just fucking stop talking."

"Okay."

Boruto tried to sound casual but his voice was too hoarse. Sasuke thought he was going to cry but he didn’t — he didn’t know what he would have done if he did.

* * *

When he returned from missions, Sasuke would come home to post it left in the most random place, across the apartment. Closet, fridge, bathroom mirror.

For half a year, Boruto and he didn’t cross paths. Always here when the other was away.

It was strange. 

They became two parallels lines and somehow, these small colorful post-its were the only words he received from him. A way to let Sasuke know that Boruto has been here. Both sharing the same space but not at the same time. 

_“There are some cans and noodles in the cupboard if you want.”_

_“You don’t have a lot of toothpaste and shampoo left. I bought new ones.”_

_“I doubt you care but the TV doesn’t work anymore.”_

_“The plants are dead. Found them like that.”_

_“ I took one of your jackets, sorry.”_

Around the start of spring, Boruto turned nineteen. Sasuke wasn’t here. He found another post-it once home. Boruto had drawn a cake with candles and stick it to the fridge. 

_His drawing skills got even worse_ , had thought Sasuke. 

Sasuke didn’t answer those notes.

He just gathered all of them to make a small pile, then lit them on fire.

And his inside twisted a little more each time he saw the paper and ink melt in the small flames.

* * *

Then the post-it suddenly stopped and Sasuke wondered if it was the beginning of the end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading once again!


	11. Chapter 11

* * *

The notes weren’t the only thing that came to an end. 

Boruto stopped coming. Sasuke knew it. He left the apartment, reappeared a week after and nothing would have changed. The curtains would be close, as he left them. The sheets would smell like him only. 

Everything was the same. 

All because he didn’t answer those small messages. In the past, Sasuke did worse. So much worse. Why did these post-its matter so much? What did he miss?

So many questions and he couldn’t find the answers. 

* * *

People rarely talked about those things. It existed. 

It was not forbidden. Sometimes, a joke or the son of a distant neighbor. Others but never himself.

It had been a flutter in his stomach at sixteen when Sasuke briefly met the pretty eyes of a stranger in the street. 

Or the broad back of a random worker that made his head spin a bit and look twice from the corner of his eyes.

Occasional whispers in the back of his mind.

He never acted on it —didn’t like to think of it.

It didn’t matter what Sasuke wanted and what he didn’t want. And it didn’t matter what he liked or didn't like.

It was pushed to the side. So many things pushed to the side and this was just one of them. Here to stack on the rest, waiting for other things to stack above it. A pile that should reach the sky now.

It never mattered. A complicated caprice. It wasn’t him. He’s never been capricious. 

There was nothing good in wasting time dissecting, torturing, himself. 

It didn’t come as a revelation, more a slow and painful acceptance along the years when Sasuke was sure he was destined to want what he would never have. For a long time, he had Sakura and only her. He should be satisified. 

She was his wife and he couldn’t stand her kisses. 

He has been jealous of her and the love she had for him. It seemed so simple and easy for her. Natural like love was supposed to be.

All Sasuke wanted was a pump from his heart to his veins, a shiver and heat in his cheeks. But his cheeks stayed pale and his heart quiet even when her mouth found his mouth.

When she said words of love to him, Sasuke could only answer “thank you”, because he was everything but ungrateful.

The caprice may have been more crucial than what he thought.

Even with Sakura gone, he didn’t give up. He kissed other women — knew other women. They only fed his ache.

Most of his life, Sasuke felt alone and strange until he wasn’t alone in his strangeness. 

He would have rather stayed alone. It was simpler.

It was furtive looks that made his heart stutter.

And all the whispers had become screams. So loud. 

* * *

The next time, Sasuke saw Boruto from afar. His back more precisely. Black track jacket and golden hair. He was in the middle of the street, his hands casually in his pocket, leaning on one leg. At his side, a girl. Sasuke remembered seeing her a few times in the village. She was a friend of Sarada. 

One part of him wished Boruto would ignore him and Sasuke would keep going with his day. The other part of him hoped he would turn his head to meet his eyes. 

Ultimately, Boruto didn’t turn his head and Sasuke walked in the opposite direction. It was for the better, he thought.

He crossed the street and only stopped when he felt someone’s presence at his back. Sasuke looked over his shoulder.

“Yo."

“Boruto."

Sasuke’s heart pounded harder. Eternal traitor.

“I sensed your chakra. I knew you were there,” informed Boruto.

A silence. His hair got a little longer since the last time, Sasuke noticed. 

“Long time no see," Boruto said as he crossed his arms over his chest.

“Indeed.”

“I tried to call you.” 

Sasuke glanced behind him. His friend was still waiting for him.

She had a pretty smile, he noticed. 

“My device doesn't work all the time. You know how it is.”

“Yeah.” 

Boruto’s voice was distant like he remembered some old memory. Whatever this memory was, Sasuke didn’t try to think of it. 

“I saw your messages,” Sasuke said.

Just to cut the silence. 

Boruto stared down at his feet. He avoided Sasuke’s gaze.

“The post-its?”

“Yes.”

“Yeah, I spent some time in your apartment while you were away. I hope you don’t mind.”

“No. It’s fine.”

Boruto peeked at him quickly than admitted: 

”I wasn’t supposed to return this week, but we finished the mission early. It was easier than we thought.”

Sasuke didn’t say anything and Boruto neither. He seemed older, Sasuke noticed. His smiles were smaller and his silences longer. 

Then Boruto proposed, like the idea just popped up in his mind, "We should go get dinner, you and I.”

He was nervous and Sasuke couldn’t remember the last time Boruto has been nervous around him. It stirred something inside him. All that distance that grew between them. 

"Your friend is waiting for you," Sasuke said.

“I’m sure Sumire would understand,” Boruto replied.

His eyes were on Sasuke and Sasuke only. He didn’t move, despite his words. He was waiting for another answer. 

A word was whispered in Sasuke’s heart. He didn’t listen to it.

“I’m already seeing someone.”

There was an uneasy silence. For a moment, they just stood there looking at each other. And then Boruto tried to smile. He failed to. 

"That’s good.”

He didn’t push back and Sasuke didn’t know how to feel about that. Relieved. Disappointed. He didn’t know anymore. 

Boruto filled the quietness again, "When are you leaving?”

“Soon.”

Boruto nodded, slowly and Sasuke didn’t return a question. 

Motionless, a moment after, he watched Boruto leave, to join his friend with the pretty smile. 

* * *

What are lovers that didn’t love called? That hasn't felt the heat of each other skin? 

Intimate in everything but the other. 

It was raining outside. Sasuke felt it would never stop raining. It rained all week and the week before, leaving the ground in a constant state of damp. 

The kind of persistent rain, fuzzy like mist that chills you to the bones. 

Sasuke left his apartment and water continued to drip from the gutters.

_Drip. Drop._

He ran into Boruto again in the town center, under a scaffolding to keep him dry. A cursed coincidence. 

He was swallowed by a black parka too big for him, his hood up. 

Even without seeing his face, Sasuke recognized the way he nonchalantly carried himself. 

Most shinobi always kept their shoulders square and their feet firmly planted on the ground, tense no matter the hour. Sasuke knew how deadly Boruto was during missions, but if he didn’t know him, Sasuke could have mistaken him for a civilian with his constant laid back demeanor. 

The lamppost suddenly flickered above them and shined its bright light to unveil the both of them. Sasuke frowned.

“I didn’t know you smoked.”

Boruto gazed at Sasuke then at the cigarette he was holding between his finger and thumb. He took another drag.

"I don’t,” he replied. "It’s relaxing, once in a while. Shikadai gave me a pack, last year.”

Indeed, his gestures didn’t have the confidence of a long-time smoker, noted Sasuke.

"You want one?" asked Boruto. 

"No."

"Do you mind?"

Sasuke shrugged his shoulders.

"No."

Boruto exhaled a cloud of smoke and despite Sasuke’s answer, he still crushed the cigarette out on the wall behind him.

"What are you doing here?" questioned Sasuke.

"I walked Sumire home. She lives on this street, just here."

He pointed with his pinky at the small wooden building behind Sasuke. 

"And you where are you going?”

“Buying food,” Sasuke answered. 

Boruto nodded. He took a mint from his pocket and put it on his tongue. 

“Enjoy your meal.”

“Come with me,” Sasuke said with a motion of the head. 

“I’ve already eaten."

“It doesn’t matter.”

Another moment of hesitation then Boruto trailed behind him reluctantly. 

“What are you going to eat?”

“The usual.”

Sasuke didn’t like to cook when he was alone. It was a waste of time, he felt. Boruto was worse. He was the kind to go hungry rather than to cook. 

Most of their meals together had been made of rice, or something bought outside. 

“I thought you were busy, tonight," Boruto said.

Sasuke stayed silent. 

They arrived at the food cart. The yellow light and white smoke recognizable from afar. 

The owner greeted both of them with enthusiasm. 

"Mah. You both disappeared for months, what happened?" he said. 

"Missions," answered Boruto. 

"Work," answered Sasuke. 

The man didn’t press further. 

Sasuke ordered an oden dish. 

Boruto ogled at the boiling pots. He leaned on Sasuke, his arm against his, and whispered in his ear, his gaze never leaving the food.

"Well, after some reflection, get me one.”

His breath smelled of mint and Sasuke’s head span a bit. He could only nod.

On a side street, they found a bench, miraculously dry, protected from the rain by a large foliage of a tree.

“Was the lady disappointing?” joked Boruto. 

He sat beside Sasuke and took-off the lid off his plastic bowl. His food was still steaming hot. 

“Come on. You can tell me. I’m your friend.”

“We’re not friends."

Always something different, then something more. Sasuke never considered Boruto a friend. 

“I’m seeing her after.”

“Oh okay.” 

Boruto didn’t say anything else. Sasuke found it strange. Since when Boruto was so silent?

“What are you thinking?” he asked. 

Boruto gave him a confused look as if he didn’t understand his words, as if Sasuke was speaking a foreign language.

“You’re not talking.”

“I just feel tired I guess. What I’m thinking, huh?” 

He stabbed a chunk of chicken with his chopstick.

“I feel food somehow tastes different when you use chopsticks or a fork, you know.”

Sasuke stared down at his bowl. A snort left Boruto.

“Yeah, it’s a stupid thought.”

“No, I don’t think it is.”

A silence fell on them once again. Sasuke hated it. All those silences. 

“You’re probably going to be late,” said Boruto all of sudden.

His eyes wouldn’t leave the ground. 

In the night, on this bench, Sasuke gazed at his profile. He tried to find all the things he missed. He never wanted Boruto as much as he wanted him at his moment. 

Their fingers somewhat brushed. The resolve on Boruto’s face strengthened.

“Go."

There was no hesitation in his voice, clear and crisp. Sasuke couldn’t read him anymore. 

_Go._

The word echoed in his mind.

 _This is it_ , he thought. 

The limit. The end. What he always feared. No matter how he felt. What Boruto knew, it was not enough anymore. 

“Boruto—“ 

He let out a breath. A heartbeat passed. Sasuke finally said:

“I'm sorry."

"For what?'

"I should have answered you."

"Why? What's the point?"

This time Boruto didn’t even try to put on a mask. He stood up, unfazed, and slid his hand deep in his pocket. 

“Have fun,” he told Sasuke. 

Then he was gone. 

* * *

Sasuke met her the week before he reached Konoha. After the Land of Rivers, they walked the same roads.

It was only the two of them. At first, she talked, he ignored her. She spoke again, he listened distractedly.

She buzzed with energy. Her eyelashes were always flickering fast. Her hands moved a lot. Her legs too were reckless. 

At the gate of the village, she gave him the name of the hotel she was staying in. 

“You could show me around, in Konoha,” she said. 

Sasuke threw the paper with her handwriting in his bag because it would have been rude to throw it in the trash while she was still here. 

Those ephemeral pleasures didn’t interest him anymore. He thought they would help him forget. It was a quest, already lost, on stranger’s bodies. All he could see was what they were lacking. They soon tired him out and left him filled with a sentiment of disillusionment afterward. 

But he needed this. Something else to occupy his mind with, even for a single night. Her eyes weren’t blue and her hair wasn’t blond. She was not him and that was all that mattered.

She was not from Konoha, only staying for a few days. It was better, he thought. He wouldn’t have to see her again. By tomorrow, she would be away. 

Tonight, she came. She removed her coat. Sat on the couch, the coat laid on her lap. Sasuke stared at her, and the couch. 

She got up. Smiled. 

“People must tell you this all the time but you’re very handsome.”

Sasuke glared at her. She leaned into him and tried to kiss him but he stepped back. 

His eyes were back on the couch. Terribly empty. She left her coat here and it felt wrong. He imagined Boruto sleeping here —as he did so often— splayed on his belly, an arm or a leg hanging from the couch.

“I changed my mind. I need you to leave.”

“What?”

There was an awkward silence.

“I already have someone.”

“Is this a joke?”

“No.”

Her face twisted. She looked hurt but she didn’t protest like Sasuke feared she would. 

Sasuke left the living room to open the front door. 

He waited patiently for her to leave. Maybe, he should walk her home but he didn’t have the motivation for it. 

She grabbed her umbrella still dripping with water, left on the ground next to the doorway, then she faced Sasuke.

“Don't fool yourself. You’re already guilty. We didn’t fuck but I’m here and it’s enough.”

Sasuke didn’t answer. He looked at a distant point over her head as if she wasn’t standing just in front of him. 

She left and Sasuke went to bed. 

* * *

Noises. Muffled. Behind the door. They had woken Sasuke up. 

It took Sasuke a few instants to register what was happening. 

There was a sparrow at his window. Boruto’s he recognized. 

Sasuke glanced at the electric alarm at his bedside, it was four in the morning. 

He opened his window to let the animal in and retrieve its message. 

Sasuke read the few written lines, then buried his face in his pillow with a sigh. Sometimes, he wondered if Boruto even slept at all.

When Sasuke opened his eyes again, the sun was up. He could see glimpses of it, filtered behind the closed curtain. Little beams of lights hitting the white sheets. 

The specks of dust whirled in the air. It must still be early.

He read the missive again, left during the night. Boruto wanted to meet him at the training ground. 

_To spar_ , was written on the paper.

Sasuke’s decision was not made. He stepped through the door and doubt was his compass.

A light fog moved outside in the early hours of the morning. Sasuke arrived at the training ground near the woods, his stomach was in a knot. This feeling. It was fear, he realized. He was scared of Boruto. What was he so afraid of?

Sasuke faced him, and his mind was still asking him to step back and leave. 

“Good morning,” Boruto told him.

He stood up on his feet. 

There were dark shadows under his eyes. Sasuke couldn’t help but notice them. He looked terrible. A yawn left him while he took off his jacket. He put it on the wood log he was sitting on, the moment before.

Sasuke put his cloak on top of Boruto’s jacket. 

“Like usual. Only taijutsu. No chakra,” he said. 

Boruto nodded while he lashed back the hair from his face. This gesture was familiar. Boruto always did it before training. 

Then he waited, his posture defensive, his muscles tense. 

Sasuke took his time to face him. 

They were equals, grew to be —or rather Sasuke trained Boruto through the years to be his. 

In the fresh morning hair, Sasuke was the first one to attack. His foot raised quick.

Boruto blocked his kick with his forearm. His eyes grew defiant as his palms turned into weapons. Sasuke knew how to counter them. 

They did it many times before. All of this was a routine. He knew by heart the way Boruto moved and struck.

Boruto’s hands became fists. 

His face had gone cold, like stone, containing a trace of anger that was unfamiliar to Sasuke. 

He could hear Boruto’s agitation. His breath quickened, his movements were unsteady. Impatient. It was unlike him. Usually, they were precise and sharp, not to waste energy. 

“Focus,” slammed Sasuke.

A branch broke under his feet. 

In an attempt to make Sasuke fall, Boruto tried to cleave his legs. Sasuke stepped back.

Boruto found an opening, his fist hit his plexus. 

The taste of blood filled Sasuke's mouth. It wasn’t supposed to hurt like that. His brows furrowed low. One of his chakra points was touched. He stared at Boruto in surprise. 

“Did you forgot the no chakra part?” 

Sasuke stopped an attack aimed at his head. He seized Boruto’s wrist and Sasuke could still feel the chakra humming in his fist. Lethal. 

“Boruto.”

Calling his name made something in Boruto snap. 

The distance between them was suddenly swallowed. With no clear tactic, he lunged forward and crashed into Sasuke’s chest. They were falling. 

A huff of breath left Sasuke while he landed on his back in the dust, Boruto’s weight on him. It was painful. 

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” he hissed.

Before Boruto could answer, in a swift motion, Sasuke rolled and pinned Boruto beneath him. He sat on him and dig his knees in Boruto’s shoulders to immobilize his arms. 

Boruto twisted hard, he resisted but struggled to move. “Let go of me.”

His face was flushed of anger and his chest rose and fell fast.

Sasuke didn’t move. 

“No.”

In silence, they regarded each other. Boruto glared at him with a coldness that made Sasuke falter. He never thought those eyes would one day look at him this way. 

“Calm down.”

Boruto panted, furious. 

“Let me go,” he repeated. 

A decision was made because suddenly Boruto needed to know. Sasuke admitted in a breath, 

“I couldn’t do it. Last night.”

A sound almost like a laugh left Boruto. 

“You think I care?” 

"I know you do."

"Then why did you do it, in the first place? Why did you tell me?”

Sasuke didn't answer him. His mouth opened to form the words but he didn't say them. Boruto exhaled slowly. 

“I wish it would go away but it doesn’t. It’s here and you—“

His voice broke. He moved suddenly, made Sasuke almost fall from him. His shoulders were free. Sasuke thought Boruto was going to hit him. 

He didn’t — or rather not the way Sasuke thought he would.

Boruto grabbed his neck with both hands. His head rose till his mouth landed on Sasuke’s mouth. 

There was nothing pleasant about it. It wasn’t a kiss, no, but an act much more violent. His teeth hurt. His lips too.

Sasuke made a sound and Boruto let go of his mouth. He still kept his fingers around Sasuke like a cage.

Their faces were touching. Sasuke’s eyelids fluttered. There was a hot breath in his mouth.

“You’re killing me,” Boruto finished. 

Sasuke pulled violently away. He stepped backward and sat up. 

Fuck.

Boruto didn’t move. He stayed laying on the ground, he wasn’t looking at him anymore, only at the sky, unapologetic. 

For a while, silence reigned between them. Sasuke should leave, run the farthest away, but at the moment, it would feel like abandoning Boruto. So he stayed, sitting on the dusty ground, at his side. 

There was something close to resignation in Boruto. All his anger was gone. From his still body to his weary gaze lost, above them, in the clear morning sky.

The kind of resignation that Sasuke met in soldiers resting after a hard battle. It was a terrible sight.

“You will find a way to make it go away. It will pass. Nothing is eternal.”

Boruto shook his head, like a child who refused to hear. He pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes and said: 

“I can’t.”

“You will.”

The truth was there was no peace to what they were feeling. But they could try. At the very least.

* * *

Life went strangely back to normal. He’s been back for a week already.

Sasuke spent it busy with the interrogation section. His Sharingan could be the most useful tool to make prisoners talk. The mind was more breakable than any bones.

Sasuke expected Boruto to ignore him again. But it didn’t happen.

Between them, it wasn’t silence. It was closer to indifference. A few words here and there when they met.

Some jokes even but with no real smile, just a faint smirk. Boruto looked at Sasuke like he wasn’t seeing him, his eyes were away. 

Sasuke couldn’t tell if his attitude was a calculated act or genuine. 

He missed the road. The years away. It was easier outside. 

He asked Naruto if he could leave Konoha. Naruto told him he was free to do whatever he wanted. Sasuke didn’t know what to do with that. 

Leaving or staying. How long would it take before Boruto forgot him? A year, maybe two, before they could be in each other presence without feeling their very blood flow into their heart.

“You should make new friends,” told him Sarada when she visited. Sasuke ignored what pushed her to give him such advice. He didn’t answer Sarada, thinking she was terribly naive.

Shikamaru came to his apartment too or rather at his door. He didn’t enter further. It wasn’t planned. He came on a Tuesday evening. 

“Naruto gave me your address. He wanted to know if you wanted to come and join us at the bar,” he said, leaning on the doorframe. 

Sasuke shook his head. 

“I don’t.”

He expected Shikamaru to leave after this simple but harsh answer but he didn’t. Silently, he studied Sasuke for a moment.

“Are you okay?”

“Why?”

“Well don’t take it the wrong way, Sasuke, but you look like shit.”

“Thanks for your concern. Anything else?”

“I will tell Naruto you’re sick. He will understand.”

“I’m not sick.”

Shikamaru lifted his hand and turned heels. 

“Take care.”

* * *

“I’m going to date Sumire,” Boruto told him during a mission while wiping the blood from his sword. 

There was no hesitation in his voice. He wasn’t asking for advice, only relaying information. 

Sasuke stilled in his steps. Boruto waited for him. 

“Sumire Kakei?”

She was a kunoichi of the leaf, the girl with the pretty smile, he remembered her now. 

Boruto nodded. 

“She is nice and helped me a lot during missions. She works with the tech department.”

He didn’t say anything further. 

“Alright,” replied Sasuke. 

Because what else could he say?

It was none of his business who Boruto dated. 

So, Boruto went out with Sumire and didn’t spare Sasuke any details, later on. Sasuke couldn’t find the words to tell him to stop. He kept quiet. Even when Boruto spoke about her long hair and how shiny her teeth were, how her mouth tasted like cherry balm. 

Both, Sumire and Boruto had kind eyes. 

They were meant to be, in a way. 

A part of him knew Boruto was doing it on purpose, only to hurt him the way Sasuke was hurting him. 

Perhaps, he was not the only one who could be vindictive. A common point, Sasuke wished they didn’t share.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hate this chapter so much 💀💀


	12. Chapter 12

A kiss. Why the mouth differed so much from the cheek? 

Sasuke didn’t remember seeing his parent kissing. They probably did but not in front of him. 

Once her mother pecked her father on the cheek, to thank him. For what, Sasuke couldn’t remember exactly. A gift probably. His mother had turned a bright pink and his father stiffened but he kept his expressionless facade. 

Parents like his didn’t kiss in front of their children. 

Sasuke saw people kiss in the street. At nine, Sasuke found them gross. At ten, he saw a man kiss another man in a garden behind a fence. He only guessed their silhouettes while walking by. His brows had furrowed and his stomach dropped.

There was a lot of question in Sasuke’s head that haunted him when he was young. He didn’t have them anymore, he was too old for that. One of them had been, what a kiss would feel like. He didn’t care about girls or boys. He was just curious about kisses. 

He was sixteen. They were camping for the night, Suigetsu asked him, the fire between them, "Have you ever fucked a girl, Sasuke?" 

Sasuke answered a simple "No”.

He saw no reason to lie.

"And kissed one?"

"Neither."

"I see."

Suigetsu didn’t mock him. Sasuke didn’t tell him he already kissed someone, twice, and it wasn’t a girl.  
It didn’t matter. Suigetsu was the kind to guy to say shit like “All girls are soft," as if it was in that the whole difference between men and women. Men were sharp and women were soft. Women smelled good and men didn’t. Sasuke doubted it worked this way. 

Karin was beside him. 

"I could kiss you," she said in his ear. 

And she was only joking. But Sasuke could see the longing in her eyes, evident and clear, so he said: 

"You could."

So Karin took off her glasses, put her hands on his shoulders, and kissed Sasuke. No one had kissed him on the lips this way. In fact, no one had kissed Sasuke for years, on the lips or anywhere else. There was no one for that.

Karin was everything but soft. Even when she kissed. 

"So?" 

"Hm," replied Sasuke.

He thought about this moment for a while. Finally, Sasuke had the answer to his question and he couldn’t help but feel disappointed. He should be feeling more. He wasted so much time on nothing. He was sixteen when he concluded he didn’t like kisses. 

Sasuke was nineteen when Sakura started to kiss him and Sasuke had hoped they would grow to be like his parents, the kind to not kiss often. They grew to be worse. 

After Boruto kissed him, Sasuke started to wonder if all those years, he has been mistaken about kisses.

* * *

If we had asked him beforehand, Sasuke would have said a phone was useless and he didn’t need it. His hawk could do the job perfectly well. 

If we asked him now, Sasuke would say the same thing, a phone was useless and he still didn’t need it. But Shikamaru and Naruto had forced him to carry one, eight years ago. 

It was not that Sasuke didn’t like phones but it was hard — especially when most of his nights were spent camping outside in the wild— to find an electrical outlet. The battery was always down. With birds, he didn’t have to worry about such things.

Sometimes, Naruto would call him, even if Sasuke was in Konoha. 

Boruto too. If they were lucky, Sasuke would have thought of charging the device. Most of the time, the phone didn’t even leave his bag. 

That night, at three minutes past midnight, the phone, plugged into the wall of the hotel room, rung. Sasuke put his ink brush down and peered at the screen. The number was Boruto’s. It was late. Sasuke didn’t want to deal with it— with him. 

He didn’t answer. 

Five minutes later, the phone was heard again. Sasuke grabbed the device and turned it off without a second thought. 

How much he would regret it later.

* * *

Sasuke tended to stay away from the Uzumaki’s house. 

Because he had no purpose being here. Because Boruto and Naruto were part of his life but this house was not. 

It was easier if he didn’t see Naruto and Boruto together. 

Two separate cases in his mind. The house was a link between them he'd rather avoid. 

But Naruto forced him to be here — or rather knock the door. It was past nine. 

The sun was almost set. 

“Sorry, Sasuke. I hope you weren’t busy,” Naruto said to him while he opened the door. 

“No. It’s fine.”

They settled on the porch. It was Naruto’s idea and Sasuke was glad for it. He’d rather not pass the door. 

Naruto leaned his back against the railing and asked:

“Do you want anything to drink?” 

“No.”

Sasuke handed him the file, stuffed with papers, he brought with him. Hours of observation had been needed to gather all the information he could about the Grass Country and its shinobi. This file was the result of a month of work. 

Naruto took his time to read each page, asking some questions here and here. 

“If you have something to do, you can leave.”

“I’m not in a hurry.”

Naruto peeked at him while turning a page. 

“I know Shikamaru and Sai will ask me to read the whole file at least twice before we hand it to the ANBU section tomorrow. I’d rather do this now.”

Voices were heard behind them. Sasuke glanced towards the street. 

Boruto was there. 

He was not inside like Sasuke though it would be. 

Boruto hadn’t tried to call him again since the midnight calls, two weeks ago. Naruto didn’t mention anything unusual and Boruto seemed fine so if something happened, it must have been nothing serious. 

Boruto was not alone. Sumire was with him. 

Sasuke thought of what they might do together. Would Boruto tell her the content of his dreams, the one he didn’t tell anyone, even Sasuke?

Maybe they conversed about video games and movies. It was not hard to imagine them head closes, whispering like they were confessing, staring into each other eyes. Kissing.

Or maybe it was better not to know. 

They passed near them. 

“Hi Dad,” said Boruto. 

At Sasuke, he raised his thumb. Sasuke didn’t know how to interpret his motion. Maybe he picked the wrong finger.

“Good evening,” said Sumire, her voice small. 

They entered the house. Her first.

His hand moving to her waist. 

The door closed and Sasuke caught Naruto’s gaze lingering on them. 

His brows furrowed, thoughtful, and his attention returned to the file. 

"Did you know about them?" he asked without looking up.

"Boruto mentioned it, yeah."

"And what do you think of it?"

Sasuke blinked. He struggled to find an appropriate answer then admitted: 

"Nothing. I don’t really have an opinion about the subject. I don’t know her and he seems pretty happy."

"Happy huh?"

"You don't think so?"

Naruto shrugged. 

"I don't know. That's why I'm asking you. You've always been better at reading him."

He didn’t say anything else. 

A dozen minutes later, Sasuke left. He tried to remember the last time he saw Boruto happy. 

* * *

Solitude was a deceptive comfort. Sasuke knew it too well. Reassuring at first, only to turn into a foe. 

There was him and him only. No one else. During the mornings, evenings and nights.

Throughout the years, Sasuke has been lonely, more than not, yet this particular month felt like one of the loneliest time of his life. 

Maybe because for a while, it was gone and now it was back. Loneliness always grew stronger, in between, while away. He should have never chased it. 

An unbearable path that Sasuke had — choose — to take back.

He crossed paths once with Sumire at the tech laboratory. Sasuke would have rather avoided this conversation but she sat next to him while he waited for his equipment to be fixed.

  
There was no escape. Sasuke feared she would mention Boruto but all she did was ask after Sarada, unaware of everything. Then a colleague called her name and she left. 

Sasuke thought about his deeds and all the things he has done that led them to this point in his life, envious of a teenage girl. 

* * *

"You still want to leave?" asked him casually Naruto, a Monday.

Sasuke stayed silent. 

"You asked me if you could leave Konoha, weeks ago, and I expected you to bring up the subject again but you didn't."

"Because there is nothing to say."

"Is your mind still not fixed?"

Sasuke didn't answer and Naruto sighed.

"Listen Sasuke, I need to know."

"You will."

* * *

Sasuke had not expected Boruto to ring the bell of his apartment again. The last time it happened was months ago. 

He opened the door and simply stared at him, in silence. 

“Did I wake you up?” Boruto asked. 

“Yes.”

“Sorry.”

Sasuke didn’t move from the doorstep. Boruto still didn’t get the message. 

“What are you doing here?”

His question startled Boruto. Maybe because Sasuke never asked this question before. 

“Can I come in, please?”

The “please” was new too, between them. 

He did come in. They stayed in the living room.

Boruto stared at the messy couch. 

“You were sleeping on the couch?” he asked with surprise. 

"Yes."

"Why? What happened to your bed?"

“Nothing. I was watching TV and fell asleep.”

“The TV is turned off.”

Sasuke didn’t reply to that. He only glared at him, annoyed. 

"Is the couch comfortable?"

"No."

"Told you."

Boruto pushed the cover and sat up. He took the pillow between his arms and rested his chin on it. Sasuke knew it to be still warm. 

“I was with Sumire, tonight,” he said. “We went to her apartment.”

Sasuke leaned against the wall. 

He rubbed his tired eyelids and waited for Boruto to keep going because there must be a reason why he was bothering him, at one in the morning. 

Boruto stretched his legs. Sasuke noticed the rope always around his ankle was missing. 

An odd absence. 

"We made love, you know. Not today. Yesterday, and the week before,” confessed Boruto. 

His words were viciously plain and Sasuke knew he was watching attentively his reaction. 

Sasuke didn’t want to wince. He failed. 

Ignorance would have been better. Images of interlaced bodies flooded his mind, he abhorred each of them. He hoped Boruto was lying but he knew he wasn’t. It was real.

Boruto had a knife in his hand and he perfectly knew how to twist it.

A disturbing curiosity pushed Sasuke to ask,

"How was it?"

Suddenly, he wanted to know everything. Every detail. 

Boruto shrugged his shoulders.

"It was okay."

He talked randomly about it like he would have talked of the last thing he had for dinner.

There was no smugness in his voice, the kind you would expect from boys who brag about “becoming men”. All Sasuke could hear was the boredom. 

A faint trace of pink decorated his throat. 

Lipstick, guessed Sasuke. 

Sasuke wanted nothing right now but to lift his sweater and look for other pink traces on his chest and wipe them all away. 

The colors of their mistakes. 

Red for him. 

Pink for Boruto. 

Of course, he didn’t do it. He stayed in his place. 

"What happened to your anklet? Did you lose it? " he asked instead.

Not expecting this question, Boruto’s brows raised high on his forehead. 

"My what?"

"The thing around your ankle."

"Oh, that's what it's called."

He glanced at his foot with confusion like he just remembered the disappearance of the rope.

"No. I cut it."

"Why? "

"Why do you care? It was stupid.”

"It wasn’t.”

"Don’t tell me you liked it? "

"Maybe I did."

"Huh? Well, I just didn’t feel like wearing it anymore."

Something in Sasuke’s chest stirred tightly. 

"I see," Sasuke began. ”You will not be able to hide forever, you know."

The air between them became sour. Boruto turned his head obstinately, face tight. He didn’t want to face the truth. 

You did this, thought Sasuke.

"Isn’t that what you’re doing?" replied finally Boruto." Hide. Even now?"

Sasuke couldn’t help but laugh, sharp and cold.

"I’m everything but an example, Boruto."

"But you are. You’ve always been mine."

The seriousness of his voice made Sasuke want to break something. Everything. 

He couldn’t bear the weight of Boruto’s mistakes, his were heavy enough.

And Sasuke had to carry them all. Those mistakes. Red like pink, they were his doing. 

Boruto walking in his footsteps, in everything, even in this. 

It was destroying him. 

"You don’t even like girls,” he let out.

Boruto played with a string dangling from the pillowcase.

"Maybe I do," he retorted and it was another way to say, _Maybe, you don’t know me as much as you think you do._

Boruto stayed silent then admitted, 

“It was disappointing. I’ve tried to call you before, but you didn’t answer like always. She—" 

He paused and bit his lips.

“Fuck. She didn’t deserve this. She must hate me now."

Sasuke tried to imagine how it went. How much it must have hurt for her when Boruto ended it. What reason did he give her?

Suddenly he wished to know nothing. 

“I’m sorry,” said Sasuke. 

And he truly meant it because Boruto’s life would have been easier if he was the kind to "make love" to girls and enjoy it. And then Boruto asked:

“Do you want me to leave?” 

Only the silence answered him. He nodded slightly to himself. Finally, he understood. 

He got up and put back the pillow on the couch, almost carefully as if the pillow was made of something fragile. 

“Yeah, I should go. Sorry for wasting your time.”

Boruto left and Sasuke did nothing to stop him.  
  
He laid back on the couch and muffled a scream against his pillow. 

* * *

Sasuke managed to get a hold on Sarada, the following day. He didn’t give her any details but she still agreed to spend time with him.

Ino Yamanaka gave him a stink eye when he crossed the door of her shop.

Since the divorce with Sakura, she didn’t miss an occasion to express her distaste for him. Sasuke couldn’t say he didn’t understand her.

Yet, today, she put an effort into dissimulating her animosity because of Sarada. 

"Long time, no see, Sasuke," Ino said while resting her elbows on the counter.

Sasuke answered with a simple nod. She sighed. 

Before disappearing in the back of the shop, Ino asked in a bored tone, 

“Same as usual, I assume.”

"Yes, please.”

Sarada shot him a questioning look but Sasuke ignored it. 

He paid and left the shop, the bouquet of white chrysanthemums under his arm, Sarada at his side.

"Where are we going?"

"You’ll see.”

It didn’t take them long to arrive. He entered the cemetery first, Sarada stayed behind the gate, hesitant. Sasuke wondered if she’s ever been to a cemetery before.

Finally, she joined him. He handed her the bouquet. She regarded it with narrowed eyes, as if the flowers contained the answer to her interrogation, before taking it from his hand.

"What are we doing here? "

Sasuke filled a bucket laying here with water and took a rag from his bag. 

He crouched and started to clean one of the tombstones.

"Choose any tombs," he told her. 

Sarada noticed the lonely dry flower decorating many of the tombs. She finally understood.

"Oh."

"You can throw out the dry one after.”

"Any tombs? "

"Yes."

"It doesn’t matter who I choose?"

"No."

With great care, she took the time to memorize each name engraved. There were many. She left a flower for the youngest one. 

A joined tombstone caught her attention. She read the names out loud, her fingers tracing the letters. 

"Mikoto. Fugaku. Those were your parents, right? "

"Your grandparents too," noted Sasuke 

He joined her and removed himself the old wilted flowers already present. He always left a flower for them. 

“Well, I didn’t know them.”

Sarada watched her father face carefully before laying the last flower on his parent grave.

"Do you truly do that each time? "

"Each time I’m back, yes.”

"I see. "

"You can clean one or two tombstones at the time. They don’t need a lot of work but someone has to do it.”

Sarada seemed to understand. 

“You’re leaving for good, aren’t you?”

Sasuke stayed silent. He kept rubbing the stone. 

“I thought your mission was over.”

“It’s never over.”

“That’s bullshit. What happened?”

“What does it change anyway?"

She stayed silent and Sasuke added:

"You’re not a kid. You don’t need me.”

Sasuke regretted those words as soon as they left his mouth. Sarada’s expression turned to hurt. 

"Sarada—"

“You're right, I don't need you. Mom has always been enough," she said, voice thin."I just don’t want you to leave the village for years again. That's all”

She crossed her arms, lifted her chin, and added:

"Twice was enough. It's too easy to abandon everything behind.”

* * *

They talked about it the next day at the Hokage's Office. Sasuke told Naruto about his day with Sarada. Naruto told him many things and Sasuke felt he had to give sometimes too. 

"That’s good. So you’re staying?"

"Yeah."

"I’m glad. Sarada is right you, you know. You can't leave."

"I thought you were okay with it."

"Never said I was. I won't force you to stay but I thought you understood."

"Understood what?"

"No matter what, Konoha stays your home."

"Okay, Naruto."

"You don't believe me?"

"No, frankly I don't."

* * *

It was night. What hour, Sasuke wasn’t sure. He had slept and dreamt of kisses, blue eyes, and limbs. The dream woke him up. He always remembered them, those dreams. He wished he didn’t. They left him ashamed and intoxicated. He took a shower and went back to bed.

Sasuke preferred not to look at the clock at his bedside. Another source of worry, counting the hours left was never good.

Sleep wouldn’t come again. He turned, turned again, closed his eyes very tight and prayed to be soon swept by unconsciousness.

An hour or a few minutes could have passed, in his dizziness, he couldn’t tell before a sharp noise was heard. 

Sasuke sat up. He recognized the sound of the door and lock. 

Already suspecting who it was, he pushed the blanket and left the room. The floor was cold under his bare feet. It made Sasuke shiver. 

There was only one person who had his spare key. Even in the dark, Sasuke still recognized the silhouette. Before he could ask anything, Boruto said: 

"Sorry, if I wake you up."

Once again, he was here. 

"I wasn’t sleeping."

"I thought you would be."

Sasuke didn’t know how to interpret his answer. 

Maybe Boruto planned to spend the night here in secret while Sasuke was asleep in his room, and leave, first thing in the morning. He preferred not to ask. 

"I didn’t know where to go," admitted Boruto.

Sasuke turned on the light. 

"What happened?" 

He took Boruto in. 

Sasuke wasn’t the kind to ask questions usually but this time he couldn’t stay silent. 

A bruise the size of a plum decorated Boruto’s swollen cheekbone. 

"I don’t want to talk about it."

For the first time, he used such words against Sasuke. No matter what, Boruto usually told him everything and it stung, more than Sasuke was willing to admit. He changed while Sasuke was away, more than he realized at first. Sasuke didn't know how to deal with that. 

He asked, his tongue heavy:

"Did Naruto...?"

He didn’t dare finish his sentence. Couldn’t. Boruto shook his head quickly. 

"No."

It didn’t seem he was lying. Shame filled Sasuke. He should have never considered it, even for a second. Naruto would never hit his own son, no matter how bad the situation was between them. 

Boruto’s reply came out as a sigh. 

“Kawaki.”

Of course, it’s Kawaki _,_ thought Sasuke. 

Shit. Was the situation so bad in the Uzumaki household?

Boruto still didn’t move from the front door as if he didn’t dare enter further, still unsure. 

Sasuke gave Boruto a nod of the head. Finally, Boruto took off his boots and followed Sasuke to the bathroom. 

“You can go back to sleep I’m fine.”

Boruto sat down on the edge of the bathtub. 

“I already told you I wasn’t sleeping.”

“So what were you doing? Jerking off?”

Sasuke glared at Boruto while opening the mirrored bathroom cabinet. 

“I was thinking,” he admitted while rummaging through it. 

“About what?”

“Things.”

Sasuke found the bottle of painkiller on the top shelf. He handed it to Boruto. 

Still sitting, Boruto slid closer to the sink to drink directly from the tap then asked: 

“What things?” 

This time, Sasuke didn’t answer him. The silence gave him away because Boruto smiled of his all-knowing smile.

Sasuke left him for a moment, only to grab an ice pack from the freezer in the kitchen. 

Once he returned, he wrapped the ice in a towel and held it to Boruto’s face. Boruto winced but he made no move to take the towel from Sasuke. 

“Does it hurt?” 

Boruto shook his head.

“Barely."

“You don’t have to pretend.”

"It’s just cold."

They both avoided each other gaze. Sasuke watched the white tiles decorating the wall. 

Boruto watched Sasuke’s shirt. He titled his head to the side while Sasuke moved his hand lower on his face. 

The ice started to melt while the silence between them stretched. 

"I feel like—" started Boruto. 

He paused to let out a breath.

Their eyes met. Boruto darted them away quickly away. 

"Like I lost something. Something very important and I don’t know how to get it back."

Boruto reached out for Sasuke. He traced signs on his thigh with his fingertip. Sasuke stayed still. 

"Something?" he echoed.

"Someone."

"Me, you mean."

"Maybe."

Sasuke sighed. 

"I don’t resent you, Boruto."

"You don't?"

"No."

”So you don’t care?”

”That’s not what I said. I care, yes, but I’m not mad.”

"You’re better than me then, because I can’t stand myself right now. Believe me."

Boruto, intense, regarded Sasuke.

"I thought she would help me but it didn’t work. It only made things worse."

Sasuke didn’t say anything. He only wiped the droplet of water sliding on Boruto's face from the melted ice.

"And maybe I wanted you to be jealous because it would mean you care but the truth is I wished it was you. When I was kissing her and at night...It should have been you."

Sasuke threw the towel in the sink. 

"I’m done. It’s still a bit swollen but you should be fine."

"Thanks," said Boruto.

And Boruto’s hand was still resting on Sasuke’s thigh, encircling it. His palm was warm and soft. 

He studied Sasuke. Intensely as if he was searching for something. 

And Sasuke realized he was staring back at Boruto, the same. His eyes then his mouth.

It was a turning point, he knew. Like standing on a cliff, close to the edge, looking down beneath. And something bigger than him or Boruto or anything he knew was pushing him. Making him trip and fall. He didn’t understand anything. But he knew there was no coming back. 

He leaned over, yielding out to an impulse almost natural, as if Sasuke kissed Boruto a hundred times before — in his mind he did— and this was only a random kiss between them. 

Boruto’s breath stuttered. Sasuke felt it more than he heard it. 

He’d always feared to like his lips, another proof, one Sasuke couldn’t deny. So many proofs. 

Boruto held his face with both hands and he was smiling. When he smiled Sasuke always wanted to kiss him. 

All his fears came true. He wanted Boruto, his tongue on his tongue, his belly on his, and all the pleasures. What was left to deny? 

Nothing. 

In this small bathroom, under the white neon light, Sasuke surrendered fully.

They kissed again. Sasuke only stopped to get his breath. He reached around Boruto's shoulder to make him stand up. He drew him closer. Boruto melted into him, like a wave meeting the shore, here to flood him. And he was shaking, ever so slightly. It moved something inside Sasuke. 

On a beach, for the first time, Sasuke had wanted Boruto when his hand had found his stomach and Boruto boldly had touched him for the first time, just above the navel. Leaving an indelible strain on him.

What was so frightening about it to fear it for years? 

He didn’t know anymore. 

Boruto took him in his arms tightly and pressed his face into his shoulder afterward as if he feared Sasuke would leave if he didn’t. 

In this moment, Boruto felt warm and solid. And Sasuke swore he could feel his quick heartbeat, echoing his. He would rather die than leave. 

It was a strange thing to do, hugging someone after kissing them but Sasuke liked it. Maybe that was the missing ingredient to enjoy kisses. A simple embrace. Or maybe because it was Boruto and that changed everything. 

Time flowed past before they let go. 

Sasuke pulled away and Boruto sat down again on the edge of the bathtub. 

Neither said anything. Sasuke felt he should talk, and for once Boruto seemed at a loss of words too, and Sasuke’s mouth was still tingling.

"Goodnight," he said simply.

On his way out, Sasuke heard a, “Sleep well.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay! I was pretty busy lately and this chapter required a lot of editing. Like always, thank you to all the old and new readers!


	13. Chapter 13

Sasuke was asked to investigate the exchange between a shinobi team from Kumo and the Daimyo of the Hidden Grass. Konoha suspected the latter to be behind the disappearance of two chūnin from the Leaf. The meeting took place in the Land of Rice secretly. 

He took Boruto with him. It was their first mission together in a while. Sasuke had been away for weeks and Boruto had been busy on his own road.

The morning following Boruto’s midnight visit, Sasuke had found an empty living room. 

Like always, a pile made of pillows and a folded blanket was put carefully at the end of the couch, Boruto already was gone.

They didn’t talk for a few days. Maybe Boruto was angry at him, maybe he had regrets. 

He called once to talk about his day, then stayed the night. They ate dinner, he played video games, lost each time, then went to sleep. 

As if everything was normal between them. Sasuke didn’t wish for normal anymore. Not once, had Boruto seemed mad. He talked and laughed with him. Maybe anger would have been better. Sasuke almost convinced himself that it has been a vivid dream. 

_Have you really been here, that night, Boruto?_ Sasuke had wanted to ask him.

But the bruise on his cheek had been a reminder of the truth. 

Sasuke left the village for a solo mission and when he came back, he joined Boruto in the Hokage’s office. Naruto gave them the mission order and a few hours to pack their bags and leave.

The Land of Rice was only reachable on foot. Five days were needed. 

After crossing the border of the Land of Fire, they set up camp in a field for the night. 

The air was thick. June was growing hotter. Sasuke wished it would rain. Not during the night, but tomorrow, it would make their travel easier. 

From time to time, Boruto would glance at him. Sasuke would catch his gaze instantly but Boruto would then advert his eyes away.

The following day, Sasuke woke up and found Boruto still drowsed. He let him sleep. 

He checked their stock of foods and water. It needed to be refilled soon. 

When he returned, Boruto was gone. His things were still here, except for his clothes. 

He returned an hour later, hands full of provision. Silently, he stocked a bunch of cans in his travel bag. 

“I went to the city. Our stock of food was low.”

“Yeah, I saw that.”

“I got you mackerel and ham,” he told Sasuke while holding both cans in each hand to show them to Sasuke. 

He shoved them against his chest. 

“Thanks,” said Sasuke. 

Boruto took something else from the bag. A carton lunchbox. He sat next to Sasuke on the tree trunk. 

“I didn’t know if you eat already,” he said. “It's for breakfast.”

Inside the box, a dozen of onigiri aligned next to each other. 

A smile reached Sasuke. 

Boruto shifted. His forehead met Sasuke’s shoulder. He let it rest here.

“What are you doing?”

“I have a rock in my shoe. Don’t move.”

Sasuke tilted his head, the blond hair prickled his chin. He could smell nothing but Boruto. Sasuke thought of kissing him again.

“Done.”

Boruto put his shoe back on and straightened his back. He picked a ball of rice, put it in Sasuke’s hand, picked another one for himself then they ate quickly, in silence.

* * *

They walked all day and it didn’t rain. The frantic rattles of the cicadas followed them all afternoon. 

“We could play a game,” Boruto had told him.

Sasuke didn’t reply, so Boruto naturally took it for yes.

"I’m going to point to something and you are going to tell me what it reminds you of."

Sasuke squinted at him. 

"Aren’t you too old to play games like that?"

Boruto ignored him. 

He looked around him a few seconds then grabbed something from the ground. "Okay. Here we go. A rock."

"Lee."

"What?"

"Rock Lee."

It took Boruto another second to understand.

"Ah. You mean Metal Lee’s dad?" 

"I mean Rock Lee."

"Huh."

Boruto pointed out something else.

“The grass now."

Instantly, Sasuke answered,

"Hopper."

Something in his answer must have been amusing because Boruto bit down a smile and Sasuke knew he was refraining himself from mocking him.

"Listen, that’s not how you’re supposed to play. It should evoke something in you. I’m not asking you to complete my sentences."

Sasuke raised an eyebrow.

"And what do you think the grass will evoke me?"

With a shrug, Boruto threw the rock in the air. Sasuke caught it.

"Use your imagination. Let’s try again.”

Sasuke thought for a while. He examined the rock attentively, a grey-brown, with tiny holes like a sponge. It looked like any rock. 

"I have no idea.”

Boruto shook his head.

"You really suck at this game,” he said.

They walked quietly. Sasuke thought the game was finally over. It wasn’t. 

“And—” Boruto touched his own lips. “—This. What does it remind you of?”

Sasuke’s eyes flickered to Boruto. His pulse jumped. An impulse made him answer,

“I don’t know.”

“No?”

A silence filled the air around them. Boruto looked at him. His eyes were deep and clear. Sasuke gave another answer: 

“A kiss.”

Boruto titled his head and smiled contentedly. 

“Maybe you aren’t a lost cause.”

* * *

They camped outside again for the third night in a row. The path grew rocky as they advanced in the Land of Stone. They found a cave near a forest, high above the trees. They had to climb to reach it. 

After dinner, Sasuke left the cave. He’d heard the distant sound of a river running when they arrived. 

He bathed his dusty skin in the stream and filled their gourd. 

It was almost full dark when he returned into the cave. 

He found Boruto sitting cross-legged on top of his sleeping bag. 

“Are you going to sleep?” he questioned. 

Sasuke ran his fingers through his wet hair, falling loose. He regarded Boruto and even if he didn’t understand the purpose of his question, he still answered: 

“Yeah. I’m a bit tired.”

“Okay.”

Sasuke dug himself into his sleeping bag. He stayed on his back. 

Boruto stood up and undressed for the night. The light hair running below his waist caught Sasuke’s attention, an instant only.   
  
He turned his head and stared at the cave’s wall.

Boruto’s breath grew steady and Sasuke was still not sleeping.   
  


* * *

They arrived at the main city two days after, and for this mission, Sasuke had to give up his usual look.

He used a light henge to shorten his dark hair and hide his rinnegan. And when he stared at himself in the mirror of the hotel room, a stranger stared back. It has been years since his two eyes have been the same. Dark like ink.

He wore what civilian tourists usually wore. A shirt under a dark jacket and cargo shorts had to do. 

The less he used chakra, the better their chance of not being revealed by a sensory type shinobi would be.

"Don’t laugh,” he quickly warned Boruto when he left the room with a camera around his neck and flip-flop to complete his appearance.

But Boruto hadn’t laughed. No, he only gave Sasuke a funny look and followed him, strangely silent. 

Sasuke didn’t tell Boruto how he’d barely recognized him without his usual scar, his cheeks, bare, and his hair, a dark brown instead of the blond, poking from the cap he was wearing.

They parted once they reached the main street with a nod.

Boruto went looking for the shinobi team while Sasuke followed the Daimyo.

The old man looked like a hairless mole wrapped in purple fabric. He lackadaisically greeted some people, stayed most of the time glued on his chair, next to the local lord, then a little before ten, he left with a prostitute.

And when Sasuke saw the two, starting to undress in a love motel’s room, with no suspicious chakra detected, he concluded it was enough.

A false alert. If there was a meeting, it didn’t take place tonight.

Sasuke didn’t wait longer and returned back the town center.

Not suprisingly, once reunited, Boruto informed him the Kumo’s team didn’t show up.

They walked together in the busy streets between the lantern lights and stalls, overflowing with foods and smoke. There were many people, families, and friends, of all ages. 

They bought Takoyaki and ate them against a wall, without a word.

Sasuke burned his tongue and he could feel Boruto’s eyes on him, peeking from the corner of his eyes. 

And the night was young, still full of possibilities and roads before dawn.

He didn’t feel like returning to his room. He was audacious tonight. The air was different. Filled with laughter and chatters. Electric and buzzing like only warm nights can be.

He could sense it and he had the intuition Boruto could too. 

At some point, Boruto grabbed his arm and told him "I’m tired. Let’s go,” but he didn’t particularly look tired. They left the crowd and maybe if it was another night, Sasuke would have told him "No".

The Kumo's team could still make an appearance. 

But this night, Sasuke decided to be irrational. He left the crowd with him. Maybe returning to their room wasn’t that bad.

And when alone, Boruto gently threaded their fingers together like it was the most normal thing to do, he didn’t stop him. He just squeezed his hand tighter in return.

He let Boruto drag him wherever he wanted to go and Sasuke didn’t say anything when they passed their own hotel —as if it was a random building and not the place they were supposed to spend the night at.

In silence and dark, they reached the limit of the village. They climbed the large steps made of stone.

The road led them to the highest height. 

For a moment, Sasuke liked to pretend tonight he wasn’t Sasuke Uchiha and the back of the person in front of him didn’t belong to Boruto Uzumaki, his former pupil, the son of his closest friend.

They were just two people living a simple life, together, and visiting this little coastal town for the annual summer festival.

But the hair escaping from the cap weren’t brown anymore, they slowly returned to their usual blond while the henge faded.

The fantasy shattered.

Sasuke’s hand slipped away. He stilled in his steps. What were they doing?

Boruto paused looked behind with an expression of surprise. All the lines and scar, across his cheeks, slashing his right eye, were back.

"What’s wrong?” he asked.

Everything, Sasuke wanted to answer.

“Boruto—”

Boruto smiled. So trusting. Then his hair turned brown again as if he could read Sasuke’s mind. 

He took firmly his hand in his once more and made Sasuke follow him.

They reached the top of the mountain surrounding the village. And when Boruto closed the distance between them and put his hand behind his neck, Sasuke forgot for a mere moment about the camera hanging on his chest until Boruto pulled it back.

"I hope it’s working,” he mumbled to himself.

Sasuke didn’t know, he’d never tried it. Not long after, he heard a _click_ , saw a flash, and assumed Boruto got his answer.

They looked at the town, it was on fire, all the lanterns in the street, veins of light and sparks.

Boruto snapped another picture and Sasuke went to sit in the grass, waiting for him to finish. He sighed. How silent it was here. He hadn’t realized how much he despised the crowd until he was far from it.

Then, Boruto kneeled in front of him and held his gaze. Even in the dark, Sasuke noticed how different his eyes were. There were green.

"Is it better for you?"

Sasuke despised himself for making him believe that. That he longed for someone else. Someone who wasn’t him —and nothing in the world could make him forgot that.

"No."

In the end, they were them and them only. His answer seemed to relieve Boruto. 

Sasuke focused on his chakra, made a hand sign, and finally put an end to the henge. His hair grew to their usual length while his right eye retrieved his usual appearance. Boruto watched him intensely. A Boruto with blond hair and blue eyes.

No more artifices. They were all gone.

"I prefer you like that,” said Boruto to Sasuke while taking off his cap.

He threw it on the ground and ruffled his hair. 

"Me too,” admitted Sasuke.

He laid on his back and threw his arm across his face.

A click was heard. Sasuke glanced out to see Boruto holding the camera in his direction. 

"What are you doing?"

"Taking a picture of you,” answered Boruto.

He took another one. 

"Why?"

"Because I want to."

Sasuke let out a sigh. He never liked having his picture taken. He turned his back to him. 

"Because I like your face and your nose."

The fact Boruto made a distinction between his nose and face was curious. It made Sasuke smile. 

Boruto looked behind his shoulder, a contrite expression on his face. 

"Sorry. I know you hate it when I say stuff like that."

It wasn’t Sasuke hated it. It was more complicated than that.

"I wish we could stay here forever,” Boruto added. 

And his attention was on the camera again.

He was holding the screen a few centimeters only from his face, browsing between pictures. The blue light coming from the camera was illuminating his face in a strange way. 

He laughed out loud suddenly. 

"You should come to see this. I don’t know who is the last shinobi who requested this camera for a cover, but he must have something for ladybugs. There are maybe fifty pictures of them."

Boruto moved closer to him. 

He laid beside Sasuke, head against head, to share the screen between them.

"Look. Pretty sure he is from the Aburame clan like Shino-Sensei. They’re the only weirdo, completely obsessed with insects. I heard they even have insects crawling out of their dick…"

Sasuke didn’t look at the camera. Something else caught his attention. He watched Boruto. His smile widening at each new picture. The way his eyes wrinkled every time he made another comment and laughed at his own joke. 

"Boruto?"

The moment after, Boruto burst out laughing again and something he couldn’t name filled Sasuke’s chest. 

Boruto was so close, Sasuke could feel the heat of his body. He could smell the faint scent of his sweat and something familiar. The smell of him that Sasuke found scattered all over his pillow and sheets when he returned and Boruto slept here. 

His thumb brushed Boruto’s hip but Boruto didn’t notice anything.

“What a fucking creep. I can't believe it.”

“Boruto," repeated Sasuke louder.

Finally, Boruto moved his eyes from the screen. 

"Hm?"

His head lolled to the side. Their gaze met. Their noses brushed. Sasuke felt a breath like a soft wind brushing his mouth. 

“Can you kiss me?” he said.

Boruto’s amused smile faded away. 

He turned away to look at the camera again, his expression almost distant. It was all a facade. 

A realization finally came upon Sasuke. Something he had somewhat forgotten. Boruto was shy.   
Sasuke thought he was playing some elaborate game while he was as clueless as him in all of this. They were two strangers navigating in a foreign land.

Sasuke moved closer as Boruto lay there.

He touched his throat softly, where the pulse was. His hand drifted higher across his jaw. Sasuke caressed his face. The camera was finally left to the side. 

Boruto’s fingers twined into his. 

Under the nightsky, he stared at Sasuke, and all Sasuke could see was the ache inside his gaze, devouring everything. He lingered on it. Were his eyes the same?

Sasuke brought their mouths together. His hand in his. His lips to his. 

They parted, soft and pliant under him. Boruto closed his eyes shut. 

And Sasuke never liked anything sweet but the sweetness of Boruto’s mouth, he drunk it from his throat till there was no breath left in his lungs. It was sloppy and warm. A warmth filling his inside, every empty space.

Boruto sighed in his mouth. His fingers dig in Sasuke’s ribs. 

He kissed Boruto twice, three. He tilted his head. Another kiss, tasted his tongue again. Then he stopped counting.

Their bodies were apart and the distance between them was suddenly unbearable. 

Minutes after, the wind started to rise, and the forever was over.

* * *

There was a storm outside. Thunderhead darkened the night sky. The last unlucky people were running to get home. Boruto and Sasuke were part of them. 

They entered their room in a hurry, their clothes sticking to their skin. Both looked like someone poured a bucket of water at them. 

“Fuck. I’m totally soaked,” said Boruto. 

His voice was euphoric and there was lightning in his eyes. The same electricity crackled in Sasuke’s bones. 

Boruto switched the light on. The room stayed dark. He glanced up at the lamp. Drops of water still glistened here and there in his hair.

“Huh? I think the rain shut off the power.”

He twisted the doorknob but before he could leave, Sasuke stopped him in his track:

“Where are you going?"

“Ask the reception if they have candles.”

“It won’t be necessary.”

Boruto gave him a curious look and Sasuke added:

“It’s already late.”

The door closed shut. Boruto leaned back on it. A smile spread across his lips. 

“Alright.”

In a charged silence, they looked at each other until Boruto said: 

“It’s nice here.”

Sasuke raised a brow, amused. He gave a circular look at the room. Nothing exceptional. It was practical and dull. Yellow walls. Two twins beds. A few other wooden furniture. A random landscape painting hanging on the wall that Sasuke swore he has already seen a dozen times before. Their bags laying in the corner. It looked like any hotel room they’ve rented before. 

“You’re nice too,” added Boruto. 

It took a laugh from Sasuke. 

“Is that so?”

“Yeah.”

With careful steps, he joined Sasuke. 

He didn’t say a word, didn’t give a look. He grabbed the hem of Sasuke’s jacket and took it off, sleeve after sleeve. 

“Your clothes are wet,” he said, answering a question Sasuke hadn’t asked. 

“Yours too.”

Boruto ignored him. 

He started to unbutton Sasuke’s shirt. The second button was the hardest task or maybe because his hands were fumbling. Sasuke helped him. 

Button after button, from top to bottom, the damp skin of his chest appeared and Boruto’s mouth found it instantly. His tongue too. The shirt fell to the ground. 

He was on his knees now. 

Boruto clung to him with a fervor that made Sasuke dizzy. 

Sasuke smoothed his hair.

“Boruto,” he said. 

And as if he knew what was on his mind, Boruto answered: 

"I’m not scared.”

Sasuke felt the warmth of his breath on his bare stomach while he talked. 

“You’re sure of that?”

“No.”

His tone was an, _it doesn’t matter._

Boruto stood up. He pulled off his shirt— and Sasuke liked the sight of him, of his lean chest. And the moment after his pants were gone too. Sasuke liked that sight too. 

Their bodies were pulling each other. 

Sasuke guided them to the bed, the one against the wall, ridiculously small for two.

Boruto moved his hands between them and now they were both naked, bare with nothing to hide them. They tangled tightly, under the wool blanket—and Sasuke didn’t even remember slipping under—blunt and not an inch or breath left between them. 

Sasuke had never been a person who dared to desire. Yet, he craved this —him. 

He didn’t know how to deal with the want inside. He never touched it before, always put it aside, hidden. And now, he could reach and take.

He only knew women. 

And Boruto’s body was different. Made of hard muscles, rougher, similar to his in many ways. 

He wanted. Too much. 

Sasuke wanted to be inside him and at the same time, he wanted Boruto inside him. In his passion, he craved to wear his skin like a second skin.

Boruto kissed his chin, while his hands brought their bodies closer than they already were. Seeking for more. 

He grew hard in his hand and Sasuke found he liked it, the feel of his palm sliding around his cock.  
It was not the only thing he liked.   
The way Boruto was shaking and the breathy curses that flew out of his mouth. 

There was no end. 

The room was dark and it was still raining. They explored each other’s bodies without a word. This time there was no shame in looking. In touching, kissing and licking.

Sasuke pressed their faces together.

Their noses bumped. Sasuke kissed Boruto deeply. Then his mouth left, replaced by his hand.

Underneath him, Boruto stared at him while his fingers crept around his jaw.

His hand held onto Boruto’s chin and his thumb drifted between his lips. He sucked on his fingers and Sasuke sucked on them too after him. 

At first, Sasuke chose to be careful but Boruto rejected his gentle touch. He didn’t want restraint. 

“I’m fine,” Boruto said to him, face flushed and voice weak, so Sasuke kept silent while his fingers thrust into him. 

For the last time, Sasuke asked Boruto if he wanted him to stop and a part of him had hoped he would say, “Yes” and upon second thought, they would dress up, stay wise, sleep in their own bed, and the morning, Sasuke would ask Boruto to forget everything. 

They would both pretend they did, swore a blood-oath and never talk about the subject ever again.  
Together, they would bury it in this hotel room, deep in the ground for no one, even them to find it. 

Another part found the idea unbearable, it would be a knife in the heart, an inevitable death, the most painful one. Stopping now of all moments. 

But Boruto had grabbed his neck, his jaw set. 

The silence painfully stretched.

_Please don’t do this._

Boruto closed his eyes tightly, shook his head sharply, and told Sasuke “No. Don’t stop”.

He repeated, his voice firm, “No” and wrapped his legs around Sasuke. While he said the word, as a seal, his hips lifted to push Sasuke deeper. 

And buried within him, every doubt Sasuke had withered like ashes. 

He moved. Moved again. Till there was nothing left of him. 

Sasuke heard tales of people vanishing out of love. Always thought they made no sense. Even tales should make sense and those didn’t. 

Why would people suddenly cease to exist because they yield to their emotions?

Sasuke knew now, those tales were right. He was meant to disappear tonight in the flesh. Everything that was him, his convictions, Boruto had taken it over time and when he became aware of it, it was already too late.

This was the final point. He wouldn’t fight to get anything back. The fight was already over.

Sasuke didn’t stop. Couldn’t. 

For all the time he couldn’t, in the dim light, he looked at Boruto.

At his eyelids, squeezed shut, at his eyebrows knitted together and his lips parted. 

And how his breath hitched at each thrust, deep within him.

Boruto seemed far away, not here, lost in his own world of pleasure. Sasuke found him beautiful in his loss. There was nothing better to see, he believed at the moment. 

He kissed Boruto’s face. Left bruises everywhere on his face with his lips. On his temple, his eyelids, and cheeks. 

  
This vision of their hips joined together, of Boruto arching into him, Sasuke thought of it many times.   
Maybe, it was all a dream. The unavowed ones. 

There was no end to his desire. 

He wanted. He needed—

His skin was too tight, his body too little to hold this pressure building inside his belly. This throbbing in his loins. Climbing and climbing. It was too much, yet not enough. 

It was the wet breath against his cheek, and the small breathless noises in his ear, and the hard mattress under them, and the shivers running on the arms around his neck or maybe Sasuke was the one shivering. He couldn’t tell. Tonight, it all became the same, their shivers. 

"Are you happy?” asked Boruto. 

His eyes were wide and full of a strange devotion. 

Sasuke leaned forward and wiped the sweat from his forehead, plastering his hair, with his mouth. 

There was too much skin and not enough time. He kissed his throat.

“I am.”

The hollow where the neck and shoulder met, Sasuke buried his face here. A place for his mouth to settle while he came back into Boruto. 

“I am,” he repeated.

He remembered them, the dreams now.

When it was over, they laid apart silently, their skin wet. 

“I don’t want to sleep,” told him Boruto. 

In his mouth, those words sounded almost like a plea. Sasuke turned his head to watch him. He drew his finger down his shoulder. 

“Me neither.”

Sasuke has never been more awake. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I'm late again. During the editing process, I ended up rewriting 1/3 of the chapter. 
> 
> Thanks again for all the comments and kudos I've got the last chapter! It boosted my motivation for sure.


	14. Chapter 14

The sharp threads of the bolt around Boruto’s neck had marked the skin of his face.

The pain woke Sasuke up. He slept with his head on Boruto the entire time. There was a red trace at the base of his throat too, where Sasuke laid his cheek, three small lines. It didn’t seem to bother Boruto. He was still sleeping, sprawled on most of the bed. 

He must be used to it. 

They miraculously managed to share the same bed, leaving the second one empty. 

The air was humid, heavy, his skin felt damp and sticky. In their sleep, the blankets had been pushed to the ground.

It was still too hot. Sasuke thought the rain would wash away the heat. He has been wrong.

The sheets too were a mess, half slipped off the bed. _This_ didn’t happen in their sleep. 

They didn’t open the window and the room still smelled of them, a proof of what happened. 

Sasuke could hear the sound of the street outside. He imagined the people brushing against the outer side of the mosquito net as they walked. Maybe it was better if the window stayed closed. The curtains too. 

The daylight was here to expose his crimes. The sun, a reproach. He said — did— things. Desire had crushed any shame. 

Sasuke imagined himself leaving right now. Dressing, after a quick shower, and leaving this hotel and country behind without a note. Konoha too would be forgotten. 

He stared at the ceiling and didn’t move from the bed. 

Eventually, Boruto blinked his eyes open. 

“What hour is it?” he asked.

“I don’t know.”

There was a clock, hung on the wall, across the room. Neither gave it a look. 

They stared at each other. 

It should have been an opportunity for kisses but the opportunity died. The air was too dense. 

Uncomfortable. 

Sasuke wondered if Boruto had remorse for what they’ve done. Of what Sasuke had done to him. 

Did he have regrets himself? He didn’t know. It was something close. He didn’t want to think of it. 

"How do you feel?" Sasuke asked finally. 

Boruto blushed or maybe it was just a trick of the light. He passed a hand in his hair. The sheet shifted while he sat up. Sasuke took care of staring at his face only.

" It—Fine. I’ve felt worse."

Sasuke felt deeply jealous of how serene he looked. He wasn’t exactly smiling but his energy was steady. There was no conflict in him. It would have been simpler if they shared the same dread. 

Boruto kept looking at him. Sasuke knew he wouldn’t find the answer he was seeking. Not now. 

He put his palm around Sasuke and his naked shoulder. Sasuke tensed. The knot in his chest tightened and Boruto kept his hand there, smiling at him.

Suddenly, there was too much of him.

Sasuke drew back. Their clothes were still littered on the floor. He picked up his, and before he could enter the bathroom to wash, he told Boruto:

“We need to check out before eleven.”

* * *

They walked, walked and walked. The road had been muddy once they left the city, but it didn’t take long before the sun dried the earth. They soon reached the cave, the one high in the mountain, close to the forest. Before dusk, they settled on the riverbank, their bodies exhausted from the heat and the miles. Both didn’t have enough strength left to reach the cave. Not a word was exchanged but they still decided to stay on the ground in a common agreement. 

They washed their bodies in the river, their back to each other. Boruto stayed the farthest away from Sasuke. He slept and ate, far from him too. 

After putting back the bar of soap in his bag, Boruto returned into the river. He advanced to an area where the water was less deep and sunk to his knees. His face and arms were tanned from the hard sun, and his hair turned blonder than before. 

“What are you doing?” Sasuke asked.

It was the first words to leave his mouth today. 

Boruto plunged both hands under the water surface. 

“Fishing catfish,” he replied, short and without a look.

Indeed, catfish tended to swim close to the bottom. Sasuke didn’t hide his skepticism. “Good luck with that.”

Boruto didn’t bother answering him.   
  


The air was chilling at dusk. Sasuke made a small fire with sage to keep the mosquitoes at bay.

No matter what he did, his attention always shifted to one point. 

All he could see were glimpses of the previous night. 

Every part of Boruto was a reminder of what Sasuke had wanted, his mouth, he had liked it more than anything else. The movement of his shoulder blades that Sasuke had memorized while he entered him, aching, the second time.

He couldn’t tell if he still desired them — desired him. If Boruto laid bare in front of him, would Sasuke take him again? No, probably not, he told himself. 

His desire was passed. This night has been a necessary evil to get Boruto out of his system. All he needed now was a little space and a little time and it would be over.   
  


As expected, Boruto failed to fish anything with his bare hands. He settled for canned mushrooms instead.

“I just wanted you to know that I liked it.”

He said it as an afterthought, his gaze lost on the horizon, to the west. 

“A lot, actually.”

Sasuke broke a stick in half and threw it into the fire.

“Can we not talk about it.”

“I mean,” Boruto started. “We will have to. Eventually.”

He distractedly pulled a layer of peeling skin from his upper arm, sunburned. 

“Why?” asked Sasuke. 

“What do you mean?”

“Why do we have to talk about it?”

Boruto blinked. This time, he seemed unable to answer him.

* * *

The silence returned between them. The sky was oddly grey for summer —full of clouds, when they finally arrived in Konoha in the early afternoon, a few days after. 

They met with Naruto. Sasuke meticulously avoided his gaze, during the entire meeting. There was not a lot to tell. The mission was a failure, nothing significant happened. He let Boruto do the talking and answer all the questions. Naruto quickly dismissed both of them, his attention already back on the computer screen. 

Once outside, Boruto turned away, ready to part without a look or a goodbye for Sasuke. 

“Where are you going?” asked Sasuke. 

Boruto looked at him, perplexed.

“Home.”

“We could grab a bite," offered Sasuke.

"Together?"

"Yes."

“You’re serious?”

“You think I'm joking?”

“Why now?” Boruto asked.

Sasuke shrugged his shoulders.

They bought curry in a small shop nearby that Boruto knew well, and went to his apartment. They ate here. Sasuke thought of the words he repeated the day before. Something like: We tried. After reflection, it’s not for me. I've mistaken my desire.

The words were caught in his throat. Maybe because he knew deep down, they were a lie.

Sasuke let Boruto shower first. 

In the meantime, he did his laundry. This was the shirt, Boruto unbuttoned, he thought and here was the underwear he yanked off. He put Boruto’s clothes in the washing machine too. The one, he wore today. 

They’ve never been in his room together, at the same time, Sasuke realized, after his shower. 

Boruto sat square-legged in the middle of the bed, as if it was his, waiting while Sasuke rummaged through his clothes. 

He found an old T-shirt belonging to Boruto. There were a few of his things, forgotten or left here, in his closet. 

Boruto sniffed the T-shirt. 

"Did you wear it?" he asked Sasuke while slipping on it.

"No," answered Sasuke and it was the truth. 

"Why?"

"Why would I wear your clothes?"

The travel tired out their limbs. They simply laid on the bed, on top of the sheets, with the fan turned on. 

Boruto had said, “I’m going to take a nap.” Sasuke had replied, “Me too”. 

And then he left the door of his room open which he never did usually. So naturally, Boruto joined him. 

Their bodies were carefully not touching, except for their hair. The bed only had one pillow that they were forced to share. 

Boruto was the one to break the silence of the room:

“It didn’t seem to disgust you during the moment. You told me it made you happy.”

Sasuke stayed silent. 

“I know it’s complicated for you. Maybe we rushed into things.”

“Maybe,” replied Sasuke. 

His answer, even if honest, seemed to wound Boruto. 

“Yeah well, it’s too late now. We can’t undo it. Better learn to live with it.”

Sasuke sensed a trace of anger, behind his words. Boruto must have expected Sasuke to contradict him. Probably, tell him: No, Boruto. Don't worry. That night was perfect. 

But Sasuke was not the kind to lie about that kind of thing. 

“Do you wish to undo it?” 

“No,” Boruto replied, right away. “But I know you want to.”

Sasuke looked outside through the window. 

“You don’t know what I want.”

“You’re right, I don’t. I thought I did but—“ 

Boruto didn’t finish his sentence. 

He closed his eyes and turned on his side with a sigh. 

They slept. 

Sasuke awoke to the sound of small steps. The light had changed. 

He must have slept more than he intended. 

He stared at Boruto’s back moving quietly around the room. He was already fully dressed, his cloak buttoned and his headband just tied. 

Sasuke shifted. Boruto noticed him. He walked toward the bed and knelt on the floor at his side. 

“I have to go,” he said, his voice only a whisper. 

As if he didn’t want to awake Sasuke more than he already was. 

Sasuke raised his arm and grabbed him. 

“Come back tomorrow.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

Boruto stared at him with this unsettling patience he always possessed, but his face was pale. He looked more brittle than ever. On the verge of breaking. 

Sasuke let go of his wrist. For an instant, Sasuke thought he would tell him: No. I’m never coming back. You got what you fucking wanted.

He would have understood in a way. But Boruto only nodded.

“Okay,” he told Sasuke. 

The rest of the day happened to be boring. Sasuke filled his report during the evening, skipped dinner and went to bed with an empty stomach. 

At dawn, the next morning, he went for a walk. He walked along the wood surrounding Konoha. A flock of crows appeared from the west. This place and the trees always helped him when he needed to think.

The end of his confusion and doubts. Sasuke grieved it in a way, this foggy limbo he had been in, for most of his life. 

Before there was a line, tangible but reassuring, like all lines were, where Sasuke could retreat behind but this wall was now in shambles, never to be build again. 

It would have been simpler if he disliked it. If the whole thing disgusted him and left him sure in his resolve. It would have been sad and pathetic. Women. Men. He was a ghost to all, unable to desire and feel. To connect with another human.

But the truth was out and absolute. 

Never has a woman left him this way, impatient and troubled in his desire. With a simple touch, all the screws came loose. None forced him to close his eyes shut under the warmth submerging his eyelids, head, and throat. Now, he knew. 

  
The sky went from white to blue. Sasuke walked to the Hokage tower to give his written report. Before leaving, Sasuke gave Naruto a visit. Without a word, he sat on the chair, placed between the door and a pile of cartons, against the wall. 

“Taking a break, huh?” Naruto asked with a quick smile in his direction. 

“You can say that.”

Sasuke focused on Naruto. 

Maybe it would have been easier if Sasuke fell in love with him. It would have made more sense. He was his age. It has always been simpler with Naruto. He didn’t need words. He was one of the rare people who didn’t ask for them because he wasn’t curious in nature. If Sasuke hid something, Naruto wouldn’t search for the trees, carved with holes, to find his secrets.

Younger, at seventeen, Sasuke thought it could be Naruto and his undying faith. He didn’t spare it a thought because there was no point in wasting time on what their life could be after the Valley of the End. 

Naruto has been a nuisance. A reluctant friend. 

Sasuke couldn’t remember exactly what else there was here. It was too far, from a much remoter past. He wouldn’t call it love. No, it was the cusp, a pull, something about to happen.

But Sasuke wounded him too much with his hatred and fists. Guilt burned everything, any sprout had been reduced to ashes. 

Being with him had made Sasuke want to tear his skin out, cut his other arm and sew it to him, to replace the one he had lost.

He kissed and fucked Sakura to appease this culpability. He almost wanted Naruto to watch them, this way Sasuke could tell him: See. Is it what you wanted? Are you happy now? I’ve granted all your wishes.

People talked about the war and what came before and what they all did to protect Konoha. A shared memory. And Sasuke could imagine them all thinking:

_Where were you, Uchiha, when the village got destroyed?_

_Where were you when our men got killed?_

And Sasuke knew exactly where he was, standing at the enemy side, willingly. Twice. Wishing for all of them to burn. 

Even there, Naruto had been the one to take his defense. Not just during the trial but even when a few civilians spoke ill of him.

Still now, Sasuke ignored what words they used. Naruto always refused to tell him. In the street, Sasuke had heard screams and ruffles. He looked back, only to see Naruto, his fist bloody in the air. Shikamaru and Kiba had to hold him back. The hero, future Hokage, hitting innocent villagers for a few careless words, that was what everyone saw and talked about. 

They were eighteen.

Sasuke left the village, the day after. Nobody detained him. He didn’t tell Naruto. 

It took years and miles before Sasuke could look into his eyes without feeling this weight in his stomach, choking him, and this desire to scream at him, You should have left me alone, to die. 

At least, if it would have been Naruto, Sasuke knew there was no chance. His love would have always been carefully hidden and distant. Never explored and touched. It would have eventually died. His life might have been different. 

But it wasn’t Naruto. It was his son and Sasuke knew of all he did, this would destroy him more than any punches or fireballs. 

“You’re already leaving?” Naruto asked.

“Hm.”

“Sasuke.”

“What?”

“Did you want to tell me something?”

“No.”

* * *

Sasuke expected Boruto to arrive at night, as he usually did. 

After lunch, he went grocery shopping. 

When he came back from the shop, he found Boruto sitting by the door. Why he didn’t wait for him inside, instead, Sasuke didn’t know.

“Hey,” Boruto said.

He hesitated then added with a little smile,

”I’m here.”

 _Like you wanted me to be_ , floated unsaid between them.

“You are.”

A beat. A sigh.

“Can you move from the floor, please? I need to open the door.”

“Oh yeah, sure.”

Boruto got up on his feet, then followed Sasuke inside. He expected Boruto to wait for him in the living room but he didn't. He stayed in the kitchen with him, while Sasuke put the groceries away.

It was three in the afternoon, Sasuke still opened the fridge and asked: 

“Do you want to eat?”

Boruto shook his head. 

“I’m not hungry.”

He sat at the small table. Despite his previous words, he sliced an entire cucumber and ate it with salt, waited a little more for Sasuke, while Sasuke washed and wiped the dishes. Then Boruto got bored and left the kitchen.

“They’re still dead,” he told Sasuke, later, from the corner of the living room where all the plants where gathered.

Boruto took a leaf turned brown between his index and thumb. It fell at his feet. 

There was something restrained in the way he slowly moved, today. 

Sasuke joined him. He crouched to pick up the leaf off the floor and threw it in the pot. 

“I watered them but it’s hopeless. I should buy new ones,” he said.

“Probably. The roots could still be alive though.”

“Maybe. How can you tell?”

”I have no idea.”

Both knew nothing of gardening. 

They observed the pots, side by side, silent as if they were at a funeral. What a waste.

Sasuke felt sad somewhat. He didn’t find enough time for them. They died because of his negligence and absence. All they needed was sun and water and Sasuke couldn’t even give them that. He knew Boruto liked them. 

Sasuke sat down on the couch.

“Come here,” he said.

Boruto peeked wearily at the empty place beside Sasuke, then at him. He shook his head, tugging the sleeves of his sweatshirt up over the elbows and down again. 

“No.”

“Why?”

Boruto didn't answer. He only looked at him and Sasuke found the dare in his clear eyes. 

“Are you nervous?” Sasuke asked, even if he already knew the answer.

He stood up and Boruto raised his face.

“Not really.”

He stayed immobile in his place, beside the dead plants. 

Now they were facing each other.

“This way, tomorrow, you won’t think it’s my fault,” added Boruto. 

Their chests met. Sasuke bent down to kiss his neck. 

“I never thought that way.”

He caressed the skin of his back, under his sweatshirt. Boruto stayed still. 

“Yes, you do. But perhaps you’re right. I wanted you long before you did.”

It was a strange way to see things. Sasuke couldn’t find the words to contradict him. Boruto didn’t say anything else, anyway.

Sasuke removed his clothes one piece at the time. Boruto let him with a peculiar languor, unlike him.

That was his way to reject any responsibility, Sasuke understood. It was not his hands who left them bare and provided the first caress. All the offenses came from Sasuke. 

The shape of his naked body was different in the broad light. To think, Sasuke rejected it, days ago. How could he? He never loved a body more than he loved his. 

Sasuke looked at it. Looked at him. He ran the flat of his palm down Boruto, from his shoulder to his waist with reverence.  
Boruto stayed motionless even when Sasuke pulled him in to brush his throat with his lips. 

Then Sasuke undressed as well. 

All of this, in utter silence, because there was nothing to say. 

They ended up on the couch. 

Sasuke draped Boruto with his skin. He touched his cheek to his and said:

“I’m sorry.”

For making Boruto think, he didn’t want him because he wanted him. He wanted him. 

He repeated it a few times and he needed it to be enough. Boruto clutched at his erection, he sunk down into Sasuke and sought his mouth, and maybe it would be enough. 

It was a strange thing, lovemaking in the broad daylight. Different. They closed the window but let the shutters open. 

At night it was like a muffled whisper. The dark could be a veil.

In the afternoon sunlight, there was something profoundly honest about it. 

Boruto stayed the night and the day after. 

* * *

They didn’t talk about it. It was better when words didn’t slide between them. June ended, July soon followed. 

No other thought was put on this change. Maybe because nothing changed in a way. This was just something new they did together. 

When he was here, Boruto moved from the couch to the bed for good. 

Outside Sasuke’s apartment, everything felt the same. Like before. Even when they were alone together, during missions, they acted like anyone would expect them to act. As if someone was watching them. 

Nobody was watching them but it was simpler to stay apart. They could easily forget themselves if they weren’t careful. 

Occasionally, when they were staying in a hotel room or inn for the night, hidden by four walls, Boruto would crawl next to him, like a scared kid, his bare feet cold like always, against his. 

Sasuke would hold him hard and then a few minutes after, Boruto would tear himself away. That was all there was, outside.   
  


Inside, they didn’t always sleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Nothing much to say, except you will notice I added a chapter to the fic (from 17 to 18), to fix the pacing.


	15. Chapter 15

Sasuke asked Sarada once if she still loved Boruto. They were walking in the busy streets of Konoha, buzzing with noises and people.

The minute before, Boruto was with them, then he said he had to meet Inojin and left. Sarada’s eyes were on him till he disappeared. 

She didn’t hear Sasuke’s question well, at first. So she touched her ear and asked him to repeat. 

When she finally understood, her eyes widened and a surprised laugh, similar to a cough, left her. She rarely talked about her private life, especially with Sasuke. 

“Tsk. I’d hoped you’ve forgotten this silly thing,” she told him. 

She took off her glasses and started to clean them with the hem of her shirt. It was a thing Sarada did, when she was nervous, had Sasuke noticed. 

“You don’t have to answer,” he said with a glance in her direction.

Now, he regretted his question. He didn’t want to know. 

She shook her head and put her glasses back on. 

“That’s fine.”

With a pensive look on her face, as if conjuring old memories, Sarada said:

“Boruto is a lost cause. I don’t think he is suited for me or for anyone for the matter.”

Her lips parted as if she was about to form other words. Sasuke waited for her to continue but she did not. 

“What do you mean by that?” he was forced to ask. 

Sarada stared at him, puzzled. 

“About Boruto,” he added. 

“Do you really care about that kind of stuff?”

Her voice was dubious. Sasuke stayed silent. Teenage love shouldn’t interest him.

“Forget it."

Sarada cleared her throat. 

“It’s hard to explain,” she began. “Imagine, you’re in class and every student is listening to the teacher — a good one, not the boring kind— but then there is this student always looking outside, never paying attention. If there is a group project, no one would want to be paired with him, everyone would want to have good grades and work with someone who actually listens, right?”

“Right.”

“Well, it’s the same with Boruto. He is a great friend, don’t get me wrong but beyond that...He is aloof and not really _here_.”

“I see.”

In a way, Sasuke had understood her words. To him, they didn’t resonate right. But Sarada couldn’t see what was beyond the window, only his disinterest. 

“We’re here,” said Sasuke. 

Sarada waved her hand and told him “Take care,” then disappeared into the Hokage’s building. 

Sometimes, when his mind was bored, Sasuke would imagine what would happen if people knew the truth. About him. About Boruto. About both of them. 

Sakura would be shocked, but maybe comforted in the realization that Sasuke could have never loved her. No matter how good she was, even with new dresses, daffodils, and sweet smiles. 

Kakashi was not someone easily predicted, he wouldn’t care probably, because he had his own way of caring which involved not caring about those things. 

Sarada and Naruto would be the worst. There would be anger and incomprehension. He pictured their faces distorted in betrayal. And this simple sight haunted him. 

* * *

It was almost the end of August, during a Sunday, that Sasuke received a message from Naruto requesting his presence at his house. The clock told him it was past nine pm. There was no sense of urgency in Naruto’s words. It was a simple “I could need a hand.” 

And so, Sasuke finished dinner then left his home. 

He was the first one to arrive. The sun was not set yet. Himawari opened the door and let him in. 

“Dad is not here, yet,” she told him.

Sasuke decided to wait for Naruto in his office, on the second floor. His office at home was pretty similar to the one he had at work. The same mess could be found. A small bed was squeezed next to the wall. This simple furniture was reminiscent of all the sacrifices Naruto had made to fulfill his duty. Sasuke preferred to not look at it. A bed had no place inside an office. 

From where he was, he could see a white door, ajar like an invitation. It was not curiosity that guided his steps, Sasuke already knew what he would find behind it. It was something else. 

Standing in front of the open window, Boruto tensed as Sasuke pushed the door open.

After a quick look over his shoulder, he let out a sigh of relief. 

“It’s you.”

“Your father is late.”

“Yeah, I’ve heard," Boruto said. “Just close the door, quick.” 

He raised the cigarette between his fingers. 

“Let me finish this.”

“I thought you didn’t smoke.”

“I don’t. Same pack. There is only one cigarette left.”

Sasuke took the pack laying in the middle of the desk. 

It looked worn out, indeed. He put it back and joined Boruto. Sasuke still wondered what made him smoke.

“Does your father know?” 

Sasuke leaned on the metal railing. Boruto blew a soft cloud of tobacco in his face. 

“He caught me once, yes, but he doesn’t like it.”

“I can understand why.”

Boruto snorted and smiled in his direction.

“Are you going to snitch on me?”

“Who knows.”

His hair was a dry mess and Sasuke could smell the faint scent of chlorine on him. He smiled back. 

“I was at the pool,” Boruto said. 

“It’s still open?”

“No, not anymore. They were closing when I left. Today, was the last day of the summer schedule so I stayed a little longer.” 

“Okay."

They didn’t say anything for some time. With a glance Boruto admitted: 

“It’s weird to see you in my room.”

“Why?”

He shrugged. 

“I’m in your room all the time, but you’re never in mine.” 

Boruto muffled a laugh in the back of his hand then added like he was confessing some mischief: 

“I used to sleep in your bed when you weren’t here. Before I mean.”

He didn’t have to explain what _before_ meant. 

Sasuke caught Boruto watching his reaction from the corner of his eyes. There was something serious in them, behind the casual tone. Apprehension. 

“I know,” Sasuke said softly.

Boruto stubbed out his cigarette on the empty can, he used as an ashtray.

“Well, I didn’t hide it, so it’s not that surprising that you do. You never said anything.” 

Sasuke sighed. He sat on the foot of the bed while Boruto closed the window and turned the handle. 

“What did you want me to say?” 

“I don’t know, maybe something like, you’re a creep, that’s nasty, wash the sheets and stay away from my bed.”

“It didn’t bother me.”

“No?”

“No.”

Without a word, Boruto knelt on the floor. He slid his arm under the bed and took out a shoebox from here. 

Inside, there were a lot of things that didn’t belong together. Candies, electric wires, shuriken and old game controllers. 

“Look.”

He gave to Sasuke a small pile of photos, then plopped into his desk chair.

Sasuke stared down. 

The date was written in red on the back of them. 

It was mostly pictures of the lantern festival. The one Boruto had taken with the camera he used for his cover. 

Two pictures of him too. 

“Yeah, they suck,” said Boruto. “Too bad.”

They were blurry and dark. His face was also hidden by his arm. 

Sasuke went from a picture to another.

“You’re serious? You also printed photos of the ladybug?”

Using the small wheels of his desk chair, Boruto rolled closer to the bed. 

He crossed his feet over Sasuke’s lap. 

“Why not. That’s a pretty ladybug after all. Some free porn, I couldn’t complain...”

His reply made Sasuke smile. Boruto added:

“The guy made a mistake, at the shop. He printed everything that was on the memory card. I didn’t feel like throwing them.”

Then Boruto said: 

“Choose a picture.”

“They’re all the same.”

“Just take one.”

Sasuke frowned. 

“Why? It’s just pictures of the city. You’re not even on them.”

“Still.”

Sasuke took a random photo, the one at the top of the pile, and returned the rest to Boruto. 

“Satisfied?”

“You don’t get it,” said Boruto, annoyed.

Sasuke kept silent.

“I stole one of your shirts, three years ago,” said Boruto as if it was all Sasuke needed to know to understand but it only left him more confused. 

“The grey one. The one you wore the most. You thought you forgot it in Kumo, but it was with me, forever hidden in my bag. I stole one of your history books too. And a pair of underwear. I can’t even explain why I did it. I knew it was troubling you. I don’t even wear them and the book is still unread.”

Boruto paused for a moment. Then he said,

“I never stole anything before. But you, I want to steal everything that is yours, and never give it back. Is that weird?”

“A little, I suppose.”

“Have you ever done it?”

Sasuke shook his head.

“No.”

Boruto seemed hurt by his answer. His lips tightened in a straight thin line.

“What do you want me to steal, Boruto?” asked Sasuke.

“I can’t say. You have to pick yourself.”

Sasuke got up. 

“Naruto should be here, soon.”

“You have nothing to do afterward?” asked Boruto while opening the door for him. 

“No.”

“Well, I could come, later.”

“You could,” answered Sasuke. 

_You should_ , he thought. 

Boruto peered into his eyes and looked inside him for a long, long time. 

Maybe the unsaid rules applied here too. A fleeting place. Boruto’s room. His room. 

Their rooms, like themselves, linked together by some cosmic force. 

Then the door was ajar again, Boruto turned away, and the moment was over. 

When Sasuke returned back to the office next door, it was still empty. 

It didn’t take long for Naruto to arrive, a stack of papers stuck between his arms, Shikamaru as always, behind him. 

“Sorry, Sasuke. We needed to make a stop at the archive section before.”

Sasuke took a box from Shikamaru to relieve him. Shikamaru stilled. 

“I didn’t know you smoked,” he told Sasuke. 

“I don’t.” 

“Well, you smell like tobacco.”

Naruto looked back at the two of them.

“Can we start?” 

His only reply.

* * *

And when Boruto crossed the door of his apartment, later during the night, all Sasuke could think of, was Naruto telling him before he left, “It’s true. Your hair smells like cigarettes.”

Those words turned indefinitely he felt, like the hand of a clock. 

* * *

Konoha was still empty. 

It was still early in the morning. Autumn was just around the corner when the sky started to shine white instead of blue.

Sasuke always found this period to be strangely silent. And grave too. Silent and grave. Leaning against a wall, he glanced at the distant silhouette of a drunkard, walking alone in the adjacent street. His day didn't even end yet. He was still living yesterday.

For the past minutes, Sasuke had been waiting for Boruto. He forgot his ID inside one of his jackets and had to go back to the apartment. Sasuke lived on the sixth and last floor. There was no elevator. To climb up the stairs, it took approximately two minutes.

“Sasuke,” someone called. 

It caught Sasuke off guard. He stopped thinking about the stairs. 

Shikamaru was walking in his direction, the skirt of his coat waving in the breeze, a cigarette hanging from his lips. 

“All right, the team is almost complete,” he said to him. 

Last night, it was decided, Sasuke and Boruto would be the one to accompany Shikamaru during his meeting with the Daimyo of the Grass Country. The situation was still not resolved between the two country and the chūnin were still missing. 

“Wasn’t the meeting point at the gate?” asked Sasuke. 

He glanced at his watch. 

“I was early. I didn’t feel like waiting alone.”

At the same moment, Boruto pushed the building door. 

Seeing them, he stilled, like a deer meeting the hunter’s bow. Then he joined Shikamaru and Sasuke, his hands shoved in his pocket. 

“Oi,” he said. “Let’s go.”

Shikamaru answered with a simple nod. 

If he noticed something odd about what just happened, he didn’t comment on it. 

* * *

The travel was short. 

The Grass Country shared its East border with the Fire Country. One of Orochimaru’s ancient hideout could be found, not very far from Kusa, hidden by a bamboo forest.

They spent the first night here. The second day, they reached their destination a few minutes before three in the afternoon. 

The Daimyo lived in a big mansion. The ostentatious kind with an incalculable number of pieces, all more useless than the other. A luxurious maze built on multiple floors. 

Still looking like a hairless mole, the old man lived alone. He was wearing an extravagant flat purple hat, with golden fringes falling on the side of his flabby face like curtains for his ears.

The negotiation didn’t lead anywhere. As if mute, the man didn’t speak once. At some words, he would nod. Other times, he would shake his head left to right with discontentment, the fringes moving with him like small wings, but his mouth stayed clamped shut. His advisor was the talker. 

That’s what happened when weak-minded individuals and with no interest in politic matters inherited their father and ancestor’s seat. 

The advisor, younger and more ambitious, took over. Sasuke wouldn’t be surprised if the Daimyo ended up poisoned with no heir. A heart attack, they would say and no one would question his death because his close circle must know what kind of life their leader lead, one full of excesses. 

The advisor denied vehemently the country’s involvement in the disappearance of the two chūnin, despite the proofs gathered by Konoha. Boruto and Sasuke kept silent, standing still behind Shikamaru. 

“We don’t want a war,” said Shikamaru while standing up. “But you’re not helping your case, right now.”

The Daimyo turned his palm toward the ceiling but his advisor was the one to speak, once again, like a ventriloquist with his puppet:

“What happened to those Konoha shinobi is saddening but the Daimyo is not responsible for the action of every citizen of this country.”

Shikamaru narrowed his eyes at them. 

“Right.”

He gave Boruto and Sasuke a quick sign with the head before turning heels.

“What do you plan to do?” asked Sasuke, once they were outside the mansion.

“We’re coming back, tomorrow.”

“He may not be here.”

“He will or his advisor, at the very least.”

His voice was confident. 

Boruto sighed.

“Great.”

“Bear with it, Boruto,” said Shikamaru. 

They stayed in a tiny inn for the night and rented a large room for the three of them. 

No keys were missing from the board behind the front desk, except for theirs. 

It seemed they were the only customers. The middle-aged woman, probably the owner, gave the three of them a set of yukata. 

“It won’t be necessary,” said Boruto.

She didn’t listen and insisted, so they took them. They ended up forgotten on a chair as soon, as they entered their room. 

The light bulbs were dim as if even the lamps here were tired, and the furniture faded. 

A sad place, this onsen was, thought Sasuke. 

After dinner, a maid brought a jug of sake, with matching cups, to their room. Sasuke was about to refuse but Shikamaru took the tray from her hand. 

“We’re on a mission,” pointed out Sasuke.

“It won’t kill us.”

The room had a short-legged old table in the middle of it. Shikamaru set the tray on it. Traditional zabuton cushions were placed around the table. 

“If you think today was boring, Boruto, wait for tomorrow,” said Shikamaru, chin in his hand. 

Boruto made the liquor turn in his cup. 

“I only hope those meetings will be fruitful.”

“Me too but the entire country is a pain in the ass if you want my opinion. They think they are master in diplomacy when they know nothing of the game.”

“The chūnin could be dead,” noted Boruto. 

“Unlikely.”

“But it’s been six months already. What are they waiting for?”

“The right time. The Fire country won’t trade commercially with the Grass Country because we don’t need their copper. But they think kidnapping our shinobi and then _saving_ them will make us grateful and be in their debt. As if the Fire Daimyo cared enough about two chūnin to change his view and break our previous deals.”

Shikamaru took a cigarette and stuck it between his lips. He handed the pack and lighter to Boruto who shook his head. 

“No. thanks.”

Boruto gave the room a circular glance then added: 

“I don’t think, you can smoke here.”

“Fuck it.”

Shikamaru lit his cigarette. 

“Sasuke, I won’t bother to offer.”

Their eyes met.

“Indeed. I still can’t see the point of it.”

“You don’t smoke. You don’t drink. You don’t gamble. You’re the last person I can imagine hiring prostitutes. We all have our bad habits and vices but you’re above that, I guess.”

“Not really. There are more habits than the one you’ve listed,” said Sasuke.

“More vices too.”

“That too.”

After drowning several drinks, Shikamaru’s voice was getting louder and louder. Cigarettes left his pack, one after the other, to end up between his index and middle fingers, stained with nicotine. Alcohol seemed to worsen his smoking habit. 

How many packs he brought with him, pondered Sasuke. More than two, for sure.

The white cup in front of Sasuke stayed empty and dry. 

With the tip of his fingernail, he scratched the corner of the low table, covered in dust. There was a clock in the room. The sound of the passing seconds was a successful distraction. 

“You’re both very silent,” Shikamaru said eventually with a blasé look on his face. “Troublesome.”

“Huh,” answered Boruto. “What do you want us to say?”

Shikamaru waved his cigarette around lightly.

“Tell me. When it’s only the two of you during missions, what do you talk about?”

“I don’t know,” said Boruto.

Sasuke kept silent. 

“Come on.”

Boruto spread out on the mat floor and folded his hands behind his head. After a few moment’s thought, he said, “Anything. Nothing. It depends on the mission, really.”

“So, let’s say the mission is boring like this one, you just sit there, in silence, for hours?”

“Yeah. Nothing wrong with that,” muttered Boruto. 

“I guess you’re now used to it.”

Shikamaru turned to Sasuke. He looked at him with insistence as if they were at a public debate and it was Sasuke’s turn to speak. 

“Talking for the sake of talking doesn’t interest me,” said Sasuke, voice flat, without averting his gaze. “Babbling is a waste of time.”

“Everything can be a waste of time, outside basic needs, when you think about it. It’s just a matter of perspective.”

Sasuke didn’t reply. 

Then, Boruto said, looking at Shikamaru: 

“Did you know the wood nearby is said to be haunted?”

“No, I didn’t,” replied Shikamaru. 

He crushed his cigarette out, in the portable ashtray. 

“I’ve heard the clerk talk about it with the maid. When I asked her what she meant by that, she gave me a talisman. To protect you from the dead spirit, she said. That’s probably why they don’t have clients. The whole town must know and avoid the place.”

Boruto fumbled something from the large pocket of his pajama bottom.

“You’re fucking with me?” 

“You don’t believe me?”

Shikamaru leaned over the table. Boruto waited.

“Look."

He opened his palm. 

Empty. He laughed. 

“Yeah. I just made it up.”

Another silence ensued. Boruto had nothing else to say. No more ghost story.

“I’m fucking tired,” Boruto murmured to Sasuke only while he rubbed his eyes. 

He was still lying on the floor. His eyelids were heavy and his face was flushed pink from the alcohol. 

“Then sleep.”

Boruto nodded and curled up on his side, his elbow as a pillow.

Shikamaru picked up his cup and gulped down what was left. Then he stood on his feet and stretched out. 

“I need some air,” he told Sasuke.

His ponytail was a mess and his voice hoarse as if he was sick. 

A dozen minutes later, Shikamaru still hadn’t returned. Sasuke joined him. He sat beside him in silence, at the edge of the small porch made of bamboo. 

There was a deep chill in the night air. 

“You’re not sleeping?” asked Shikamaru. 

“I can’t.”

“Is Boruto still asleep?”

“Yeah.”

“You should wake him up. Tell him to sleep in his futon.”

“He will be fine.”

It was too dark to see the garden facing them. Sasuke let his eyes wander on it. He could smell the plants and grasp the shape of the leaves and the flowers but not their colors. There was a willow too, with the branches leaning low toward the ground. One of the strangest tree that existed. Even its name was odd, the weeping tree. Sasuke always liked them since he was a kid. They were easy to recognize. He didn’t even found them beautiful. 

“You know who Mirai is?” Shikamaru asked suddenly. 

Sasuke nodded. 

“Mirai Sarutobi. Jonin and genjutsu specialist.”

“That’s right. Asuma’s daughter. I didn’t teach her genjutsu, Kurenai, her mother, did. But she learned how to use her father’s chakra blades and how to think too, with me.”

Sasuke said nothing.

“She was my student for years.”

“I know.”

“You do, right. I won’t say she is like a daughter, but it’s pretty close.“

Shikamaru folded his leg and rested his chin on his knee. 

“Mirai never slept at my house, I can assure you of that.”

For a while Sasuke kept silent, then a sigh left his lips. 

“So, you know.”

“And you just confirmed it,” said Shikamaru, his voice calm. 

Sasuke kept staring ahead, at the garden hidden by the dark and the willow. 

He wasn’t surprised. It was just a matter of time. He suspected Shikamaru knew everything since the first morning.

Since, he kept looking at him, studying him with this sharp glow in his eyes, and this particular expression Shikamaru wore when his brain cells were working more than usual. 

“I already had an intuition by the way, that something was off with you two.”

He shifted a little and reached for his cigarette pack in the back pocket of his pants. 

“Shit,” Shikamaru muttered under his breath. 

This time, the pack was empty.

“This morning, before we left Konoha, I went to Naruto’s house because he forgot to stamp our border pass,” he told Sasuke, calmly. “I thought Boruto would be here, ready to leave with me. But I learned from Naruto, he spent the night outside. Again. I wanted to check something, so I took the road to your home after.”

Shikamaru scratched his cheek. 

“It must be pretty serious since you haven’t asked for your key back. He’d put them directly in his pocket. I assume they are his.”

It always annoyed Sasuke when Shikamaru did that. Those intellectual displays because he put two and two together.

“You say nothing?” Shikamaru asked. 

Sasuke gave a little shrug. 

“It would be useless to deny.”

Shikamaru nodded. 

“Useless indeed, and incredibly stupid and we know you aren’t. After everything Naruto has done for you, is it worth the risk?” 

Sasuke didn’t answer. He knew Shikamaru was not expecting an answer to his question, anyway. 

“When it comes to you, he’s always been too indulgent. You’ve tried to kill him, at least, three times and he never resented you. He lost his arm to bring you back and even after that, he kept smiling as if he was the happiest man on Earth, just because Sasuke Uchiha finally conceded to return to Konoha.”

As if someone else could hear them, Shikamaru’s voice dropped lower. 

“You joined a terrorist organization and planned to destroy the entire village and its inhabitants, and yet he did everything to keep you out of prison. But there must be limits to his mercy, even for you, Sasuke. And I’m pretty sure sleeping with his nineteen-year-old son, comes dangerously close to this limit.”

There was a moment of silence. Shikamaru expected Sasuke to talk, now. 

Sasuke didn’t. 

When Shikamaru realized, he wouldn’t get any words of him, he added: 

“I’m not judging you. I don’t give a fuck of what you do during your private time. But you should seriously think about it. Naruto is my friend and so are you.”

Another silence. Sasuke finally spoke: 

“Are you done?” 

“Yes.”

Looking Shikamaru right in the eyes, Sasuke spoke clearly: 

“Stay out of my business. I don’t need your advices.”

He stood up and returned inside the room. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry. I'm pretty late with this chapter! I planned to post it Friday, but life got in the way. I thought I would have some free time but I got busy and the chapter needed more work than what I first thought.


	16. Chapter 16

They stayed another day in the Grass Country. The negotiation didn’t lead anywhere. This time the Daimyō wasn’t the only one who kept his mouth shut. His advisor did the same.

Shikamaru announced they were leaving as he needed to speak with Naruto. 

After Kusa, they spent the night inside one of Orochimaru’s deserted hideout between the broken tanks and dusty laboratories once again. The place was underground and smelled like mold. There must be a creek or river running above it, near the bamboo forest. 

They set up the camp inside the sixth laboratory. No lights were working, the power system was long gone. Sasuke made a fire, using old furniture as firewood, to prevent them from staying in total darkness. 

Like the first time, Shikamaru didn’t like the idea of spending the night in such a place but he conceded that it was better than camp outside where the ground was cold and wet from the rain. 

He didn’t bring up the subject of Boruto,again. His gaze on Sasuke stayed the same and Sasuke knew him to be the kind of man, too idle to conceal his honest feelings. Pretending asked for a kind of energy Shikamaru didn’t have.

He chose not to inform Boruto of the conversation they had. It was a source of worry they both didn’t need. 

Once they crossed the Konoha’s gate, a few minutes after noon, Shikamaru told Boruto and Sasuke, he didn’t need their presence anymore, he would report to Naruto alone.

A stream of smoke followed Shikamaru while he turned away. Sasuke watched him leave. Did the man realize how much powers he had in his hands? 

“You’re not listening.”

Boruto pulled Sasuke out of his thought. 

“What are you doing this afternoon?”

Sasuke gazed at him. 

“Nothing.”

At the end of the street, Shikamaru was now gone.

“So you’re going home?” 

“Yeah.”

In the silence that followed, Boruto must have expected Sasuke to ask him to stay with him, as if he often did after a mission.

Sasuke kept silent. 

Boruto nodded slightly. He slid his hand in his pocket.

“Me too.”

Sasuke didn’t reply and Boruto left after a quick, “Later.”

On the Hokage monument, Naruto’s face was carved in the stone, like it has been for years, towering over the Leaf village. But this time, Sasuke could swear the eyes in the mountain were looking back at him. 

* * *

_Is it worth it?_ had asked him Shikamaru. 

Always the same question. Always the same answer at first. _Yes_ , it was worth everything, and then the doubts would come, like rats digging holes in walls. 

Sasuke spent days waiting. For a call. A letter. He expected Naruto to bang at his doors at midnight. He would say, _Don’t tell me it’s true_. And Sasuke knew this time, he couldn’t lie.

But Naruto didn’t call. Time flowed with difficulty in this anxious haze. 

The following week, in the morning, Sasuke walked past his office and Naruto was leaving at the same time. He quickly greeted Sasuke like he always did, almost distractedly, while closing the door. 

A Friday, at dawn, Boruto’s sparrow showed up at his window, with a tiny scroll folded around its foot. 

_I’m leaving today, at noon. We could meet before if you’re not busy. Boruto._

Sasuke answered back with a simple: 

_I’m busy._

The sparrow flew away and he went back to bed. 

* * *

When two weeks passed, regrets had grown inside Sasuke. 

They were persistent. He shouldn’t have said no and now his thoughts were constantly drawn to Boruto. He hated how much he needed —missed— him. 

* * *

The Nara compound could be found on the outskirt of Konoha, surrounded by the forest. The clan tended deers, even today. They ran free on this land. Sasuke never saw one, even when walking through the Nara’s forest. The legend says, the deers only let themselves be approached by the one carrying the clan’s blood. 

The screen door was slid open when Sasuke arrived.

Inside the room, he spotted Shikamaru sitting cross-legged, in front of a _shogi_ board. The hearth, sunken in the floor, was keeping the room warm and flat _koma_ pieces were placed on both sides of the wooden board. 

Although Sasuke entered the room, Shikamaru kept observing them. 

There was a willow planted behind them and how come Sasuke never noticed it before?

He couldn’t remember the last time he visited but the house was oddly familiar. Perhaps he came here once with his family when they were kids. 

“You want to play?” asked Shikamaru. 

“No.”

Sasuke sat in front of him, on the floor. 

“Too bad. I always wondered if you were a good player.”

“I don’t even know the rules.”

Shikamaru made a disappointed sound with his tongue. 

“I saw Temari in town,” said Sasuke. 

“Yeah, she had to buy fish.”

Sasuke nodded. He observed Shikamaru attentively. 

“You didn’t tell Naruto.” 

“No.”

“Why?”

Shikamaru sighed but his focus stayed steady on the game. 

“I meant it when I said it wasn’t my business.”

He finally moved one of the pieces to the center. The bishop was written in kanji on it. His hand hesitated a brief instant. 

Sasuke tried to understand Shikamaru’s logic. Why this piece and why this square? It was an useless task. He knew nothing of the rules. 

“I don’t want to get involved in this mess,” started Shikamaru. 

He slowly shook his head several times.

“Ultimately that’s up to you to decide. I’m not here to force your hand.”

For a time, Sasuke said nothing. He distractingly watched the iridescent charcoals and small flames dancing within the hearth.

“What do you think I should do?”

Shikamaru didn’t answer.

“Should I tell Naruto?” asked Sasuke.

He hated the despair in his voice. He'd never needed anyone's guidance but his own, but now...

“You want my honest opinion?”

Sasuke thought about this for a moment. He was tempted to say, “no” suddenly, but Shikamaru kept going without waiting for his answer, 

“No. There are things, he is better without.”

Shikamaru frowned slightly and his hand hovered over the Rook piece, the one opposite to him. He seemed to change his mind and didn’t move it. 

“And if I tell him?”

“It’s Naruto. He won’t hate you. But—”

“Put yourself in his place, Sasuke. If Sarada—”

“Don’t finish your sentence,” Sasuke warned, his voice dry. 

“You must have thought of it.”

Denying it would be a lie. He imagined. The thought alone made him uneasy. It was a horrid anomaly. A deviation from the common and expected order. He never wanted to think of Sarada and Naruto again. 

“Yes,” Shikamaru said, as if he could read Sasuke’s mind. “It’s not easy.”

A trace of fatigue could be heard in his voice. 

His attention has finally deviated from the _shogi_ board. They looked at each other. A pack of crows started cawing, outside.

“Honesty won’t get you forgiveness. But it’s not too late to do what is right,” said Shikamaru. “That kind of hurt never last too long.”

He was looking at the game again. 

Before standing up, Sasuke told him: 

“Thank you, for your time.”

“No problem.”

The sky turned dark, filled with clouds, as the sun was going down. Back, at his apartment, Sasuke ate dinner alone. He closed the shutters and laid on the couch. 

Pushed by a strange whim, Sasuke turned on the television and console. A game was already saved by Boruto. Sasuke started to play. It was impossible to use the game controller with one hand only, he realized.

* * *

A few days after, Sasuke was at home making himself dinner when his phone rang, just after eight o’clock. It was unusual enough. 

The phone didn’t ring often. Everyone knew Sasuke didn’t use it. He left the water to boil and followed the sound. The device was forgotten at the bottom of his travel bag, hung on the coat rack next to the front door. 

“You’re avoiding me,” Boruto said without inflection in his voice. 

It was not a question. He skipped the usual greetings. 

“You’re back,” said Sasuke. 

“Yes, I’m back,” repeated Boruto. “I’ve been back the entire week.”

Sasuke pictured Boruto at the other end, sitting in his room, on his desk chair, the lights dim, trying to stop himself from biting the nail on his thumb. When Sasuke said nothing, Boruto went on.

“Listen. I’m not even mad. You must have your own reason —whatever they are— but I only need to know—Did I do anything wrong?”

“No. You did nothing wrong,” Sasuke answered 

“Okay. Good.”

For a moment, Sasuke hesitated. The worlds wouldn’t come to him. He stared at the ground and after another silence, he admitted: 

“I just need to think.”

“Think,” repeated Boruto, as if the word was from a foreign language and he didn’t understand its meaning.“And you can’t do it when I’m here?”

“No.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“Come on.”

“Just leave me alone, Boruto.”

Boruto went silent and his silence carried the weight of lead. 

“Are you still here?” Sasuke asked.

“Yeah no, I gotta go.”

The connection went dead.

Sasuke thought of calling Boruto back. There were still things he wanted to tell him but it would have been pointless, he realized. 

He returned to the kitchen. The water spilled over. His appetite had now disappeared. He wasn’t hungry anymore. Sasuke wrapped the food with cellophane and put it in the refrigerator. 

* * *

There used to be a stray cat in his apartment building. Sasuke had spotted it when he first moved here. Its fur was white with a few black spots on the ribs and nose. 

During the cold season, the animal would often hide in the storage room where people left their bicycles. 

When he was still a kid, his father had taught Sasuke to not get attached to animals, especially the wild one, they came and went, unbounded by men. 

Sasuke fed the cat a few times and it could be why it came back, even during summer. He took care of never feeding it too often. The cat couldn’t depend on him, especially when Sasuke was often away from the village. 

The cat was a she. Sasuke learned it when he found the animal laying on her side, on the floor, panting, and only then he noticed how swollen her belly was. 

She gave birth to kittens during the night. White like her. 

A few months later while Sasuke was on a mission, her kitten left and never came back. Although, she did come back, a few times.

Sasuke would open a can of turkey ham for her. 

The year before, she vanished. Sasuke waited a few months but there were no traces of her, even when winter came. Still today, he wondered if something happened to the animal. Perhaps she died or perhaps she found a better building with better food than slices of ham.

He watched every white cat he met in the streets attentively but their spots never matched hers. 

His father was right, had understood Sasuke.

* * *

After a week of silence and absence, Sasuke decided to join Boruto during his work out at the dōjō generally frequented by the Hyūga. The place was close to their compound and Sasuke knew Boruto would go there every Friday to train indoor, as soon as the weather turned colder. 

He left his home after lunch. In the beginning of winter, every inch of the sky was covered in heavy clouds. 

_Be done_ , Sasuke thought. _Here, tell him everything._

“I wanted to see you,” he told Boruto once inside. 

It was only the two of them in the training room. 

All Boruto did, was stare at him, unbending, then he returned to his exercises, with his mouth clamped shut. His arms were stretched out forward and his bang hung over his eyes. 

He was wearing a cotton T-shirt and gym shorts, all black, instead of the traditional clothing the Hyūga usually wore for training. Boruto always stood out among them with his light hair and his eyes devoid of the byakugan. Perhaps, that was why he chose not to wear their clothes anymore.

Sasuke moved closer. Boruto kept ignoring him. He closed his eyes shut.

“Boruto.”

“What?”

“Don’t act like a kid.”

Boruto peeked at him with eyes narrowed. “I really hate when you said that.”

“I know.”

Sasuke grasped his hand down to get his attention. Boruto looked around as if he feared someone would suddenly appear and see them, but he didn’t withdraw his hand. 

“Come tonight,” Sasuke said.

His fingers drafted to gently touch the inside of the wrist. Boruto lowered his gaze. His lips pursed as he made up his mind. 

“You’re done thinking?” he asked. 

“I am. Yes.”

“Okay.”

* * *

Tonight came.

The front door got closed. Boruto removed his boots. He tucked his socks inside them and Sasuke pulled Boruto toward himself. Boruto almost stumbled.

“What—”

Sasuke cut him off with a kiss. 

A feeling of urgency had taken over. 

Strong desire. Fear. Sasuke couldn’t tell what fed it, maybe both. Sasuke freed his mouth. The scarf made of wool Boruto was wearing slid to the ground.

“I hope you know,” Sasuke told him. “No matter what, you must know.”

Boruto nodded faintly. He didn’t say anything and gazed deep into Sasuke’s eyes. Straight into the heart. The blood here flowed warm.

Sasuke put his arm around his waist and started to kiss him again. He didn’t want to worry. Not now. He just wanted this moment of freedom where he could give up thinking. 

They never did it before, this way. Sasuke asked him to. Boruto refused at first, dubious. “I don’t know,” he told him. But there was a gleam in his eyes that told Sasuke, Boruto liked the idea of it. 

Perhaps, he had imagined them before, in his dream or maybe even alone in his bed, stroking himself. 

Sasuke asked him if he did. Boruto gave a little shrug, his eyes on the ground. Sasuke took his reaction for a yes. 

On the bed, Sasuke parted his knees and guided Boruto’s hand between his legs. His thumb inside his palm. His own fingers around his wrist. Their clothes were laying on the ground where they cast them off. 

Inside this room, Sasuke had taught him everything. He expected Boruto to be nervous and hesitant but he was not. His hands were steady and his expression attentive as if he was trying to resolve a difficult problem. 

“You’ll see,” said Boruto.

He pushed his fingers into him. Deeper. 

Sasuke squirmed. 

“What?”

His grip tightened. 

“How good it is.”

Laying on his back, Boruto slowly penetrated him — filled him. Sasuke had to fight the intrusive sensation. 

It was overwhelming. Someone else was within him. They held each other gaze. His breath shuddered. 

For a brief moment, Sasuke thought of pushing Boruto away. It was a mistake, he believed. 

He didn’t do it. Sasuke closed his eyes shut and ignored the little voice in his head, while Boruto kissed him all over his face and neck. They stayed still for what felt like a very long time, Boruto buried deep inside him.

Wouldn’t have been anyone else than him, Sasuke knew he wouldn’t have supported the malaise. 

It was strange and nothing like he thought it would be. 

“Is it like you imagined?” he whispered in Boruto’s ear.

“No.”

“I thought so.”

Sasuke pressed their mouths together. Their tongues met.

“Better?” he asked. 

Boruto smiled.

“Better.”

Now, Sasuke knew he wouldn’t have been able to imagine it either. The mind was not wide enough to grasp the entirety of what it meant. 

Every part of him knew every part of Boruto. Every part that made Sasuke who he was, the flesh and the veins and the blood underneath. They were all Boruto’s now. And Boruto belonged to him the same. He, inside of him. Ribs to ribs and the strength of his hips between his legs. 

At each thrust, they came full circle. Sasuke knew like a conviction, he couldn’t hide anything from Boruto ever again. It should have frightened him.

But he stopped being afraid a long time ago. 

And Boruto had not been wrong. All the pleasures were not the same and this one was different. It was a constant contradiction and intense in a way, Sasuke never expected it to be. 

Please, he found himself asking and he even didn’t know for what. And Boruto took his hand and held it gently against the mattress. No one ever held his hand like that. 

In the heat of passion, Sasuke’s name slipped out from Boruto, like an inattentive mistake. 

Even now, driven by the force of habit, Boruto never used it. During the day or during the night, the name stayed away. 

Sometimes, Sasuke was convinced he forgot it, as if he locked up the name in a safe at sixteen, out of spite, and later threw the key in an endless ravine. 

His name was foreign in his mouth, so much that Sasuke could have forgotten it was his own. He never gave a lot of importance to it but he suddenly wanted to learn the signification behind this cluster of letters. Maybe Boruto knew. 

_Sasuke_ , Boruto gasped by his ear and Sasuke found himself at the bottom of the sea, where the pleasure was the deepest and all was left was ecstasy. His head fell back on the pillow. 

In the end, Boruto came inside him. Sasuke tightened his arm around his shoulders. 

He stayed still and whispered something, his lips deep in Sasuke’s neck. 

Then, Sasuke realized he was crying. Without a word and soundlessly, he started to sob. His tears seemed to surge up from somewhere hidden deep inside, a room very far. 

“I—“ Boruto started but didn’t finish. 

Sasuke pulled the covers over them. Boruto tried to hide his face but Sasuke didn’t let him. He rubbed his cheeks with his palm and kept holding him close.

Maybe, deep down, Boruto already knew, as an instinct what was about to come. 

Beyond the open window, it was already night. They kept silent, in this soft lassitude that followed sex.

Sasuke looked outside and Boruto stayed flushed against him, his body strangely cold. In the darkness, Sasuke could sense his quiet breathing next to him, slow and deep. But he was not sleeping. 

Boruto tightly grasped his hand again, the pressure of his fingers steady and soft as if he was seeking his warmth. 

It was the last time, Sasuke thought. 

Time flew. He couldn’t tell how. Ten minutes? Thirty minutes. A day maybe. 

Boruto spoke:

“Sasuke?”

Sasuke brushed the hair away from his eyes and kissed his temple. 

They did it again and this time Boruto didn’t cry.

The clock advanced, Boruto fell asleep, Sasuke observed him. The deep shadows craving his features. He looked tormented, even in sleep. Was he dreaming? Probably not.

Something thick and heavy settled inside his chest. 

_All, because of you._

It tore him apart. 

Sasuke prudently got up. He took a shower and dressed in the dark. He woke Boruto. 

“Come on,” he said. 

“Um?”

With difficulty, Boruto opened his eyes. 

“Let’s go.”

“Where?”

Sasuke didn’t answer the question. Boruto grunted and turned over. 

“It’s late. Can’t it wait tomorrow?”

“No.”

There was another silence. Sasuke thought Boruto fell back to sleep. He couldn’t see his face, but then the moment after, Boruto’s voice was heard: 

“What if I don’t want to go?”

“You have to.”

With a nod, Boruto finally conceded. He sat up with a sigh, shoulders hunched and pressed his fingers to his eyelids.

“Where are we going?” he asked again.

“You’ll see.”

Sasuke waited in the living room, while Boruto got ready. 

It was past two in the morning, when they crossed the gates of the village. The air was chilly and the wind whistled in the pipes. In silence, they walked in the dark. Sasuke didn’t need a map to find the place. He knew the road by heart. 

Even today, he still took it from time to time. The moon like smoke was high in the sky, guiding their steps against the night.  
After crossing the forest, hours were needed to reach the border with the Sound Country. Boruto followed Sasuke without asking questions. 

It reminded Sasuke of these fairytales with those families who lose their children in the woods, when they couldn’t feed them anymore, for the wolves to find them. 

It was day when they arrived. The sky was now perfectly clear. 

An ominous stillness surrounded the place, as if the law of time didn’t apply here and time flowed differently. The entire world could change and this valley would stay the same. There was no sound as if the animals knew to avoid the place. Sasuke often wondered if there were fishes in those water. He didn’t think so. 

The giant statues of Hashirama Senju and Madara Uchiha have not been reconstructed. The only thing that stayed of them was their hands and fingers intertwined. 

To think Sasuke lived a whole life and Boruto didn’t even exist. If he knew at the time. 

This alone should have prevented him to do anything with him. 

“You know what this place is?”

“Everyone knows what this place is,” replied Boruto.

“I fought your father here,” said Sasuke. “Twice.”

They advanced until they reached the bank. The blood was now gone but Sasuke could still remember the shape of it, smeared on the stone.

Boruto sat on a rock. 

“I know. You told me the story. My dad too. I don’t understand.“

“You also know about his arm and about mine.”

Boruto nodded. 

“So don’t say you don’t understand,” Sasuke said.

He sat beside Boruto, shoulder to shoulder.

“He is your father and he’s my friend. Nothing can change that fact. Not me, not you.”

Sasuke let out a breath. He stared right ahead. 

“I owe him everything.”

Boruto took a pebble from the ground and threw it in the air. 

It didn’t bounce on the water and sunk from the start, surrounded by concentric riffles.

“I don’t care.”

Sasuke blinked.

“You don’t care?” he repeated mechanically. 

“No,” Boruto answered. No words followed that simple _no_. 

Another pebble was thrown in the water. 

And unable to look at Boruto’s face, Sasuke stared at his hands instead.  
He had a freckle on the first knuckle of the index. His nails were always trimmed very short. It was the solution he found to stop biting them. Sasuke would recognize them everywhere. 

Perhaps that’s when you can claim to truly know someone, when you memorized the length of their fingers and the shape of their fingernails. 

Sasuke knew his hands to be more gentle than anything else in this world. All the things they did for him, to him.

“You know the truth, Boruto. Now or in a year, it’s the same. It was always bound to end, we were just fooling ourselves.”

Sasuke wished Boruto would say: fine. And that would be the end it.

The irrational part of himself hoped Boruto would fight him, teeth and claws, and won, but all Boruto did was throw more pebbles in the water.

And his mouth stayed shut. And the pebbles were thrown further and further away. Against this silence, Sasuke felt like he has done or said something unforgivable. 

“Boruto?” 

"Hm?"

"You don't say anything?"

Sasuke expected something else. He would have taken resentment and anger over this. Boruto dried his palms, using his sweater. There were no pebbles left.

“I mean, your mind is clearly already made up. I get it. Trust me. My father is more important than me. More important than you. You don't want to hurt his feelings because you tried to kill him a few times. Well, okay. What do you want me to do? Beg? I don’t see the point of it. It's always like that with you, anyway. So yes, you're probably right. Let's end it, Sasuke."

A cold wind blew on them. Boruto shivered and crossed his arms on his chest. 

The two said nothing, indulged in their own thought.

“It’s a nice place here,” Boruto said quietly. “Serene.”

Out of all the words, Sasuke thought he would say, those were the last one. It left him, confused. It was not a normal reaction. 

“It is.”

Sasuke unbuttoned his travel cloak and handed it to Boruto who was still shuddering. 

“I like to come here when I need to think.”

“You think too much. It’s useless.”

Boruto accepted the cloak without protest and threw it around his shoulders like a blanket. 

“Can you leave now?” asked Boruto. “Please.”

His voice was very quiet. He didn’t look mad and maybe that made things worse. 

Without a word, Sasuke stood and Boruto stayed still at his place. 

“You know the road back?” 

Sasuke hoped Boruto would say no. That he would come with Sasuke and Sasuke would tell him to forget everything. He would sweep him back to his apartment, and worry another day. The day after tomorrow. If he could only get tomorrow, then it would be enough. Just another day of him. And then it would be over. 

But Boruto answered: 

“Yeah. It’s fine.”

There was no tomorrow. Boruto stayed absorbed in the horizon, even when Sasuke left. 

* * *

Boruto didn’t return that day, or the day after. Sasuke only learned it later. 

After a dozen days, Naruto had mentioned randomly Boruto on the phone.

“He left."

"He left?" repeated Sasuke.

"Yes. Two weeks ago, I think."

His tone was strangely unfazed, given the situation. But then Boruto was more often away from the village than not.

“For a mission?” asked Sasuke. 

“I’m not really sure”

Sasuke closed his eyes. He bit violently on his lip and Naruto added:

“I don’t know what’s gotten to him. I received a letter telling me he needed to travel.”

“Where?”

“I don’t know.”

“So he didn’t give you a reason?”

“Nothing.”

“I thought you knew,” said Naruto. 

Sasuke kept silent as if something was stuck in his throat. 

“Sasuke?”

“No. I—“

He paused slightly. “He didn’t even tell me he was leaving.”

“Oh well, maybe he just grew tired of Konoha and needed a vacation. Who knows?”

“Did he tell you when he was coming back?” asked Sasuke.

“No.”

A voice was heard, distant in the background. Sasuke waited.

“I have to go,” said Naruto. 

“Okay.”

“Bye.”

Naruto hung up. Sasuke kept the phone pressed to his ear, his fingers clenched around it.

The void inside him grew further, like a whirlpool swallowing all in the vicinity. 

He thought of the white cat and Boruto and how unfair all of this was.

_Isn’t this what you always wanted?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big sorry. I'm late again.  
> I rewrote fully the chapter then decided to throw half of it away (There must be 60K words from this story that went to the trash since the beginning, because of my indecision).  
> Also like you may have guessed, I'm not a quick writer, far from it. 
> 
> Especially sorry to Kalutoooi since I told you, I would post the chapter last Saturday and I didn't...  
> I got busy with my parents and Christmas, and also had to fix some part. I feel guilty now. 
> 
> Happy Christmas everyone if you celebrate it! And Happy New year too!


	17. Chapter 17

The year ended. February came. Boruto had not returned. Naruto wouldn’t talk of the subject and shrug off most of his questions. He should care more and understand the gravity of the situation. But he knew nothing of broken hearts. Sasuke left for a while, he was needed in Suna to help Gaara. He returned a month after and he expected the world to be different at his return, some miracle to happen, but Boruto was still gone. 

“You’re not worried?” 

Sasuke stood at the window inside the Hokage’s office. The artificial white light coming from the ceiling light was mildly aggressive at this hour of the night. The clock said it was just after midnight. Everything was dark outside and the moon was hanging round and full in the sky. There was no one in the building except for the two of them, even Shikamaru left.

“He is nineteen. He can do whatever he wants. It’s not like it’s the first time,” replied Naruto. “Since the age of twelve, he’s been leaving the village when he feels like it.”

“But he is still a shinobi of Konoha.”

Naruto spread his arms to say _what do you want me to do?_

“He is not a genin anymore.”

“What if he never comes back?”

His words took a loud laugh from Naruto. Sasuke pursed his lips tightly together. He felt ridiculous, like a paranoid fool. But Naruto knew nothing, he reminded himself. 

“Come on Sasuke. Don’t you trust him?”

“I do, but you never know.”

Sasuke kept looking outside. There was a small streak on the glass. He tried to wipe it with his thumb. He knew how long Boruto’s grudge could last. Forever. 

“He is fine. Look his bird kept dropping a message every three weeks.”

His eyes still on the computer screen, Naruto opened one drawer after the other, from top to bottom, till he found what he was looking for.

“They’re here.”

With a vague wave of the hand, he showed a pile of scrolls. Sasuke gave them a long glance. They were not for him. It felt wrong to read them like a shameless guess entering a household uninvited. Naruto must have sensed his hesitation and closed the drawer.

“If there is something urgent, just call him.”

“No. I’m just surprised, I guess.”

“ _Surprised_ ,” echoed Naruto. 

He snorted and shook his head as if Sasuke uttered the biggest absurdity.

“You, out of everyone, shouldn’t be surprised,” Naruto said while clicking the mouse button repetitively. 

Sasuke didn’t have to ask to understand the meaning behind his words. 

Naruto’s finger got angrier.

“I hate this fucking computer. It’s always lagging. I can’t even turn it off!”

From what everything Sasuke said and did those last weeks, nothing took a real reaction from Naruto like this computer. 

Sasuke moved and pulled on the thickest cable. The loud noise coming from the computer fan stopped and the screen went black. 

“What did you do?”

“Unplugged the power cord.”

Naruto sighed.

“I’m not supposed to do that.”

Sasuke plugged the cable again. 

“Well, it worked, no?”

There was a silence then Naruto let out with a grin: 

“It did!”

This smile made something inside Sasuke snap. 

“You really don’t give a fuck.”

It may have sounded like a reproach but to Sasuke, it was above all a realization. Naruto stilled and looked behind his computer. Sasuke caught his furrowed brows and the furious line between them. His smile was gone. 

“What’s wrong with you?” he asked. 

The air crackled with tension. 

“Nothing,” Sasuke snarled back.

How could he tell him, _I expected something else_ and _What’s the point if you don’t even care?_

There was nothing Sasuke could do except repeat “nothing” before he headed for the door. 

* * *

A break was given to him. Three days before a stealth mission in the Land of Snow. This one should last five months at least. Stealth missions were always the longest. Five months, away from Konoha. Sasuke thought of refusing, at first. It never really bothered him before. He never refused a mission no matter the length of it, because he knew he would come back eventually. What were five months in a lifetime? But coupled with those two months and a half, it would make half a year. Half a year was something hard to regain.

Sasuke’s phone was plugged. It has been charging for days, unmoved, on the floor, against the wall. The battery must be damaged by now but Sasuke didn’t particularly care. The phone stayed in the corner of his eyes like a satellite, impossible to forget. No matter where Sasuke was, in his room, in the kitchen, he thought of it. Perhaps, it should be hidden in a drawer. Perhaps, he should destroy the phone, to put an end to his struggles. 

The next day, at dusk, just before the streetlights were turned on, Sasuke sat down on the floor and grabbed the phone. His heart was beating faster just to look at it. The device stayed quiet, even in his hand. No magic connection and call. He entered Boruto’s number. Sasuke waited — and waited— and counted the dial tones. The second time, nobody picked up neither.

The silence at the other side of the line, the nothingness, left a stinging pain. His torments should have come to an end but they remained, stronger and deeper than ever, unshaken. 

* * *

He had a dream the night before. Of the white cat. Her fur was bloody and eaten by fleas. Some parts of fur were bald, revealing the coarse skin of the animal underneath. She was alone against the night. It was dark and winter, for there was no moon in the sky. He thought this dream would be a nightmare. He never dreamt of this cat before. 

Sasuke couldn’t think of else. Gloom filled him the entire morning. Before leaving his building for the day, he checked the storage room. Empty. 

It was just a cat. Nothing more than a stray animal. He shouldn’t be concerned about it and forget it. It’s been a year. This cat reminded him of his dead plants. Left on the balcony, the plant pots were now all empty, piled on top of one another. Sasuke made the decision to never buy plants again. 

* * *

They met in the hospital waiting room. 

Sasuke had his annual medical checkup. The receptionist told him to wait for the doctor to arrive. So he waited, leaning his back against a wall. His usual doctor was a jovial short man with white hair around fifty.

He thought Sakura was only passing by, her white coat on. The fact she stopped to greet him, was rare enough. In recent years, Sakura and he only exchanged a few words here and here, mostly to talk about Sarada. Then she said, “Follow me.” And Sasuke understood she would be the doctor doing his checkup. He eyed briefly the entrance of the hospital, thinking of leaving. 

In silence, they walked to her office. 

_Dr. Haruno_ was craved in golden letters on the wood door. A contrast with the white stern hospital walls. 

“I thought you only worked at the intensive care unit,” Sasuke said. 

He took off his coat and sat at her desk. 

An instant only, she lifted her eyes from the chart with his medical history, to regard him. 

“No, I’ve been working here for several years already. My schedule changed.”

There was a hint of reproach in her voice as if Sasuke should have known that. 

He probably should have known that. 

_The best doctor in Konoha_ , they called her. 

Sakura took a pen from her breast pocket.

“I replace Dr. Tamaru who usually treats you. He is sick today. It should have been my day off but well, we can’t always have what we want.”

She sounded irritable. _Great_ , Sasuke thought. 

“Anything you want to tell me?” she asked.

“What I would want to tell you?”

“I don’t know. Any pains? Things that could be relevant for me to check? Any problems I should be informed of?”

“No, I’m fine.”

The chart left her hand. She was done reading it. She got up and tightened her ponytail. 

“Let’s check that. Open your shirt and sit on the table.”

Like she asked, Sasuke unbuttoned his shirt and sat on the examining table. Sakura faced him, the stethoscope around her neck.

“Take a deep breath,” she said. 

She leaned a little and pressed the diaphragm on his chest. 

“Now exhale.”

He did it a few times till she said,

“Okay, we’re fine.”

She took his blood pressure and heart rate. Then she checked his throat and ears. His eyes too. 

They both stayed silent. 

When all was done, they joined the desk again. Sasuke didn’t sit. Sakura made an attempt to smooth out the small wrinkles on her white coat. He hadn’t noticed them till Sakura made them obvious. Patiently, she filled line after line. 

“How is your Sharingan?” she asked, without looking up. 

“Good.”

“And your Rinnegan?”

“Fine.”

The pen rolled between her fingers. She wrote another line. 

“Your sight?”

“Good.”

“Last time you went to the ophthalmologist?”

“Three months ago.”

She took note of his answer. 

“Your left arm?”

“Fine too.”

“You still don’t want a prosthesis?”

Sasuke didn’t hesitate. He shook his head and said:

“No.”

She paused, biting her lip and scribbled something. Sasuke couldn’t see what. His attention drifted to the photographs put on her desk. One particularly caught his attention. Of Sakura, next to a man he didn’t recognize. She was wearing a dress and lipstick which she never did usually. The only time she wore make-up was the day they got married. She was leaning on the man. A smile decorated both of their faces.

“You’re married,” Sasuke realized.

A small laugh shook her shoulders. She didn’t look up while she rectified him,

“Engaged.”

Once she was done writing, her eyes lingered on the picture. An unconscious smile formed around her lips. 

“It’s been a year.”

“I see.”

He definitely should have known that. 

“I didn’t know.” 

“Really?”

“Sarada, she should have told me.”

“This girl has always been good at keeping secrets. But it wasn’t a secret. Maybe she thought it wouldn’t interest you or simply because you didn’t ask.”

“Maybe.”

After a short silence, Sasuke added, “That’s good. I’m happy for you.”

Sakura raised her face and looked at him with surprise. Her eyes softened. 

“It is. He is great.”

They didn’t say anything then Sakura asked, cautious, “What about you?”

Sasuke shook his head. _Don’t ask_ , he wanted to tell her. 

“It’s been six years since the divorce,” she added.

Sakura wore a gentle expression as if she was giving Sasuke the permission to say _yes there is someone_.

“There is nothing.”

“No?”

“No, and that’s better that way.”

His words were a mistake. Sakura fell silent. Her smile was gone. 

“Don’t say that, please,” she said in a sad voice. 

He regarded her with unimpressed silence. 

She was saying it like Sasuke was breaking her heart once again. Should she be comforted to see what a ruin he was? Isn’t it why she left him? 

“Why do you even care?”

“Well, you stay the father of my only child and that kind of thing matters. There is nothing wrong with being alone, but don’t say that’s better. It’s easier maybe, but not _better_.”

Sasuke stared at the door, a jaded look on his face.

“We should hurry. Otherwise, all your appointments for the day will be delayed.”

Sakura sighed. Her mouth was crumpled. 

“I’m done. Take care, Sasuke.”

She hesitated a bit then added:

“And stop lying to yourself.”

The words echoed in Sasuke’s head, even when he reached the main street outside the hospital. 

* * *

The second day, it was a Saturday, therefore Sasuke did his laundry. Laying in the corner of the drawer where all his t-shirt were neatly folded, he found an uncanny thing.

His spare key with a photo keychain attached to it. He had to look twice. The type of souvenir bought by tourists usually. The gift from a sister. He felt a chill in his body’s core. Something was torn inside him.

This key shouldn’t be here, he thought. In the pocket of Sasuke’s travel cloak that Boruto kept with him. Forgotten in a bag. But not here, in his drawer.

Boruto must have hidden the key while Sasuke was waiting in the living room before they left for the Valley of the End.

It was just a key, told himself Sasuke. In the kitchen, he had found a forgotten notebook belonging to Boruto, full of random notes taken during mission barely legible with ugly drawings doodled in the corner. Two pages left and the notebook would have been finished. 

Why this key would be different?

Maybe because as long Boruto had it, he believed he would come back soon. He couldn’t leave eternally with someone else key. 

Sasuke wondered if he was still angry at him — has he ever been angry? Anger would be good. It was better than sadness. Sadness would be terrible. Three months passed, he should be better by now, countries away. Sasuke couldn’t mess with him anymore. It was a good idea, leaving and putting a distance between the two of them. 

He would have done it if Boruto hadn’t cut the ground from under his feet. Sasuke was the one meant to leave, not Boruto. 

He felt terribly jealous of him. Away and unbothered. 

Sasuke stared at the key and understood something primordial about himself. When left behind, he was not someone made to wait. 

* * *

The third day, Sasuke left his home just after a snowfall, before breakfast. It was still early and there were barely any footprints in the white snow except for his. Everything was silent. His throat and nose burned from the cold between the streets. 

He knocked. The door opened and Sasuke said, his breath short from the walk: 

“I hope I’m not bothering you.”

Morning sunshine was falling dimly on the Uzumaki house. The curtains were open. It was Sunday and Naruto was still in his pajamas, a mug of coffee in his hand.

“Are you still angry?” he asked.

Sasuke shook his head.

“You’re here to apologize?”

“No.”

There was a tiny silence and Naruto said:

“Don’t take off your shoes. Let’s go outside. Himawari is still asleep.”

He grabbed his overcoat from the coat rack. 

The door slammed behind them while they sat on the doorsteps. The snow had settled by now and recovered the gravel path, only thin flakes were flowing in the wind. 

“So?” asked Naruto.

A small misty cloud escaped his lips.

“Boruto,” started Sasuke. “I made him leave.”

He could feel Naruto’s gaze on him. 

“Did you two fight?” 

Sasuke shook his head.

“It’s not that, no.”

Naruto said nothing, waiting for Sasuke to go on.

“But I’m not here to tell you that. And even if you hate me afterward, I can’t even say I’m sorry because that would be a lie. I have no regrets.”

The only one he had, was putting an end to it. Sasuke turned and peered deep into Naruto’s eyes. For too long he had feared them, that they would see this thing that Sasuke had carefully hidden within him, heavy in the bottom of his heart. 

Before them, all the deception would have been unveiled and now he thought, _let them be unveiled_.

“There is someone I love. Maybe for the first time. It was never supposed to happen but it did, just like that without my control. And he loves me too. He told me. But I did something I shouldn’t have done because I was afraid...And now Boruto— he is gone. ”

It didn’t feel liberating to say it out loud. The weight in his chest didn’t disappear after this confession. Neither the tiredness in his soul. Nothing like that. It was dreadful. Naruto remained silent. He looked at Sasuke and it was hard to tell from his expression what he was feeling.

Sasuke could feel his ears ringing and the blood draining from his face, waiting for something to break. 

“Naruto?”

He needed him to speak. He could stand his own silence but not the one coming from others. 

“In the office, you said I didn’t care but I do,” Naruto finally said.

Sasuke couldn’t decide what type of answer was that. 

“That’s not—Did you even hear what I just said?”

“I did but it’s my turn to speak now.”

Sasuke noticed the way Naruto was unfolding and folding his hands on his lap. He was not the only one struggling here. 

“You know when I slept at your apartment last year, there were two toothbrushes in your bathroom and a shirt with a red whirlpool in the laundry basket. I had to check, just to be sure.”

“You didn’t say anything,” said Sasuke. 

Naruto shrugged his shoulders.

“After Hinata died, I couldn’t reach him. Whatever I said, Boruto would just get angry. He hated the house. I knew you could help him more than I could, so I didn’t say anything and let him go to your home every time he was feeling down.”

Naruto paused only to take his breath or maybe to let Sasuke sort his thought. 

“But he kept lying. I would ask him, where were you last night? And he would say with Mitsuki or with Shikadai or with I don’t know the fuck who — every name but yours. And then last year— you lied too, straight to my face and not just once. I don’t believe one second you could or would play with that console and you’re not a good liar, Sasuke. Believe me. You could have told me the truth and it would have been the end of it. You could have come to me and said _I’m helping Boruto. He is with me. Don’t worry._ But you didn’t, and you had no reason to hide unless...”

He let the words hang in the air. Sasuke couldn’t speak. 

“I turned a blind eye maybe because I didn’t want it to be true but once you see it—”

Naruto took a deep breath. Sasuke wished it was the end of it, that they wouldn’t need to take this road. It would be better without the words, the feeling was enough.

“The way Boruto talks of you, I used to think it was admiration but it’s beyond that. Tell me I’m wrong.”

Sasuke shook his head.

“No,” he replied, in a fatigued voice. 

“No,” echoed Naruto. “I truly thought you would be the worst thing that could happen to him.”

Those words didn’t sting as much Sasuke thought they would. They were fair. He knew even with the best intentions how much he could hurt others. Some of Naruto’s deepest scars, and not just the physical one, came from him. 

“But—maybe I shouldn't have done what I did. I separated the both of you during missions, put Sumire instead with him, and would send him away every time you returned to the village. We think they are young and stupid but I realized that I only made things worse. I saw what he forced himself to do. He did things he shouldn't have done and I will be the worst father if I let it happen again. It wasn't my business to interfere in his life. I don’t want to repeat the same mistake I did with you and Sakura, and for Boruto, in ten years to look at me and resent me because I will be the cause of his biggest regret.”

“I don’t resent you.”

“Yes, you do. I know you do. But it’s fine. I resent myself too.”

There was a quietness in his voice that moved Sasuke, more than the words themselves. He excepted anger. Not this.

“Look,” Naruto said. “We don’t have a lot of chances in life, Sasuke. Only a few. And then it’s all regrets.”

Sasuke pressed the heel of his hand to his forehead. There were so many things he wanted to tell and ask, instead, he admitted: 

“I left him because I thought you would disapprove. _You_ were supposed to disapprove.”

Naruto was silent for a moment. He stared ahead and there was nothing to be seen except the cloudy sky and the snow. 

“Tsk. He must hate me now. No wonder he was dry in his letters.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You said you wouldn’t say sorry.”

“Yeah, well I’m sorry about that.”

There was a silence then Naruto asked:

“So I assume you won’t be able to travel to the Land of Snow tomorrow?”

The most unpredictable ninja they used to call him, and Sasuke rarely thought a title to be more earned. 

“No, I think it’s time for some vacation.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One chapter left!
> 
> Also I encourage everyone to read Kalutoooi’s story, an Empty Place! It’s a great read, focused on Sasuke and Boruto’s relationship as master and student.


	18. Chapter 18

At the end of January, Sasuke took a train from Konoha to the Land of Tea, his travel bag heavy and slung diagonally across his shoulder.  
Almost all the wagons were packed. He struggled to find one empty. From what Sasuke had gathered, a popular sports competition was taking place in the country, at the moment. At the train station, Sasuke tried to phone Boruto again but there was no answer. Before leaving Konoha, he thought of sending a letter. He wrote some words but he couldn’t bring himself to finish and threw the letter away. 

Sasuke traveled on foot for three days through the Land of Tea. Boruto must have walked these same roads. Did he think of him? 

Monday, during the afternoon, he reached the southern shore of the country. Only a channel was separating him from his destination, the Land of Sea.

As a boy, he came here with Orochimaru once. For a long time, his former master had invested in the country’s matters to serve his experimentations.   
The country was an archipelago made of three islands. Life was monotonous here, unchanged for decades, inherited from father to son and from mother to daughter.

Hahajima, the main island. That was where Boruto was supposed to be.

Boat shuttles were waiting for passengers, at the harbor. For a few coins, they would transport anyone to the island. Every day, a boat would leave at nine, another at noon, and the last one before dusk, around four. Sasuke bought a ticket for the last ride and got on. 

The man on board told him he would wait for more passengers before leaving. It was already half past-four. How long, asked Sasuke. Till six maybe, answered the man. Sasuke had no other choice but to accept. The wind started to swirl making the boat sway. Sasuke closed his coat and waited.

His watch was showing six when the driver judged the number of passengers satisfying enough. A small family with a mother and her two children, and a group made of four fishermen had joined them in the meantime. They were all wearing charcoal fur and hats to protect them from the cold. 

Sasuke sat in a corner and gazed at the sea, his hood put up. The winter light was already decreasing. It was snowing, the heavy flake falling down on the water and melting as soon as they touched the surface. The thought that it would snow at sea never crossed his mind before, despite being obvious. Both being an ordinary element of nature but Sasuke never associated them together before. Why indeed would it not snow at sea? 

“It’s very annoying,” one of the fishermen told him, aloof. “The snow.”

Sasuke hummed only, his eyes still wandering on the waves.

The fisherman sat at his side. The man must have been no more than sixty with shaved hair. He smelled sour with fish and sweat. 

“What brings you here?” he asked with more suspicion in his voice than curiosity.

Sasuke was used to this kind of attitude from locals, every time he crossed small isolated towns. The other fishermen too were watching him. Those people were not used to strangers, it seemed. 

“I’m looking for someone,” he replied calmly. 

“Who?”

Sasuke stopped looking at the sea. 

“A shinobi.”

He knew shinobi were a rarity in this part of the world. One should not go unnoticed. 

“Is he your friend?”

“Kind of.”

“It’s for a mission?”

“No, nothing like that.”

The man eyed him. 

“A shinobi, you say, huh? A young man came here, a month ago. A traveler. He said he was looking for work and a place to lay his head. The first day he showed up in town, he had a sword at his hip. So either he is a shinobi, or a samurai.”

“Blond hair. Blue eyes. A scar on his right eye?” asked Sasuke. 

“That’s him. Yes.”

“Do you know where he’s staying?”

“There is a small inn with a blue front in the southern area of the island. That’s the cheapest in town. I know the owner, she rents chambers for the month. Maybe start searching here.”

“Thank you,” answered Sasuke. 

The rest of the ride was short. Less than an hour and they debarked. The island stayed unchanged since his first visit years ago, with its spare habitations made of pine and bent trees. Above the seashore, the odor of the sea breeze reached Sasuke. It stopped snowing. He crossed a bridge and went looking for the blue inn. 

The place was pretty old like a reliquary. The facade, full of crackles, could have been blue, twenty years ago. Now, it leaned more toward grey. He found a maid or maybe the owner of the place, in the narrow hallway, mopping the floorboard. Sasuke asked for Boruto. The blond man with a scar, he had to clarify. 

“Last floor, second room on the right,” she told him. Sasuke thanked her.

“He is probably not here,” she warned while she wrung her mop in the hot water bucket. Sasuke ignored her. 

Luckily, the lock was easy to pick. He found the room plunged into darkness and empty as expected. Sasuke wondered what job Boruto did during the day. He hung up his travel bag behind the door, opened the curtain and sat on the wooden chair, next to the window. The walls were thin and Sasuke could hear a faint voice like a hum, someone was talking on the phone, in the next room. Somewhere else, heavy steps could be heard.

Sasuke came up with a theory that someone once decided that all those cheap rooms should look the same. Wobbly and noisy.

A while later, past seven, the knob turned and the door opened with a squeeze. 

Sasuke got up and Boruto crossed the door. His gaze stabbed frankly right through Sasuke. 

“They told me someone was looking for me,“ he said. “I didn’t expect it to be you.“

He ruffled his hair to get rid of the few snowflakes that ended there.

They. Sasuke couldn’t tell if he meant the fisherman or the maid. Maybe both.

“Did you expect someone else?” 

“Not really.”

It would have been simpler if Boruto had asked, _what are you doing here?_

But he only grabbed his own bag, left in the room, turned around and pushed the door back open.

“I’ve got to be going,” he said. 

Sasuke moved fast. In a blink of an eye, he slammed the door shut. He was not letting him go. Not again. 

“Boruto.”

“No.”

“I needed to see you.”

Boruto shook his head. 

“Let me say one thing and then I will leave myself,” said Sasuke.

“I already told you, whatever you say, I don’t care—”

“I told Naruto. He knows everything.”

Finally, Boruto turned swiftly. The words hung heavily in the air. 

“What did you say?”

“Naruto…I told him about us.”

“You told my father?” Boruto repeated very slowly.

His voice was less sure than before, just the tiniest crack. 

“Yes.”

“You’re lying.”

“I’m not.”

Boruto said nothing, leaning his back against the door, very straight. A deep silence ensued. Only his quick breath could be heard. In and out.

He stared straight at Sasuke with his eyes open wide and Sasuke stared back.

“I know you wanted to tell him yourself but I had to do it.”

“How—” said Boruto. “How did he react?”

In the cold white light, his face was pale. The strength in his gaze had wavered. He was scared, Sasuke understood. 

Sasuke touched gently his shoulder. Boruto didn’t fight him.

“He knew before I told him, for some time apparently.”

“For how long?”

“I didn’t ask. A long time I think.”

Boruto frowned. 

“Was he angry?”

“No, nothing like that,” Sasuke reassured. 

“What did he say?”

“That it was your life and your choices to make.”

“Oh.”

For a while, Boruto kept his mouth tightly shut, reflecting on his answers. Sasuke took a scroll from his pocket.

“He told me where to find you.”

“That’s my letter,” Boruto noted. 

“Yes.”

Boruto slid down the door and sat on the floor.

“It’s weird but I always thought it would stay a secret forever,” he let out thoughtfully. “I don’t know how you did it. I wouldn’t have done it, for sure.”

Sasuke said nothing and sat at Boruto’s side.

“You truly told him?” 

“Yes.”

“Are you leaving?”

“That depends on you.”

Boruto gave a nod. Sasuke didn’t understand what he meant by that. He waited and waited for anything other than this nod. Boruto seemed to be waiting too. Both wanted the other to talk, silent. They didn’t look at each other. 

“It’s not easy but—” started Sasuke. ”Believe me when I say I never wanted anything but you, and no matter the choice I’ve made, nothing can change that.”

There were other things, so many, he wanted to say, but he couldn’t. No matter how the words turned in his head, nothing felt just.

But Boruto pressed his face against his shoulder. He closed his eyes shut and then answered him,

“Well, a good thing because I really think you should stay.”

And Sasuke knew all was said. 

They left the room and went out for dinner. Boruto warned him, the food served at the inn was uneatable but ”there is a place, not very far,” he said.

The shop was lonely on the woody road behind the village and smelled of frying oil. It was surprisingly full. They found a table, small and forgotten in the back of the place, fixed against the wall, and sat beside each other. A man came to take their order. He greeted Boruto briefly. They both ordered mackerel and pickled vegetables. Their food didn’t take long to arrive. 

“What now?” said Boruto. 

Sasuke took the keychain from his pocket and put it in the table, between them. 

“You forgot this.”

Boruto glanced down while he took the chopsticks behind his plate. 

“Your key, huh? You want us to go back to Konoha?”

Sasuke shook his head.

“No. Not the key.”

At first, Boruto blinked in confusion. He looked again. His mouth pulled in a grin once he understood.

“The Land of Demons then.”

That was where was the subterranean lake, present on the picture, could be found.

“Yeah.”

“It’s a bit far,” noted Boruto. 

Sasuke nodded. 

“It is but you have time. Me too. In fact—”

He took other keychains from his bag. He randomly garbbed a few at the train station. The first six one hanging behind the counter.

“Pick,” Sasuke added.

One by one, Boruto examined them attentively while he chewed on his food. If he found the idea peculiar, he didn’t show it.

“How many?”

“As much as you want.”

“You’ve been here?” he asked.

He pointed at the small miniature of a giant waterfall.

Sasuke squinted his eyes. 

“I think so. A long time ago.”

“Yes, you told me about it.” Boruto smiled again. “A long time ago, but I still remember.”

He pushed the keychain of the waterfall away.

“Then we won’t go here. If you’ve already seen it, what’s the point?”

Sasuke shrugged, silent. 

Something made Boruto snort. He showed another keychain, the ring hanging from his index. 

“Is this an orca?”

Sasuke looked. He didn’t even remember picking this one. 

“It seems so.”

“Cool,” said Boruto. “Very cool.”

He kept holding this keychain inside his palm. 

They returned to the inn afterward. They didn’t sleep. Boruto talked mostly. The words left his mouth like a continuous flow during the night. He told Sasuke everything that happened to him since he left Konoha.

In the morning, when it was still dark and quiet, Sasuke pressed himself to him. He kissed his lips. Against his, Boruto’s feet were as cold as he remembered but his mouth was not. Boruto opened his eyes and Sasuke didn’t let go of him, even after minutes flew by. 

It was the first time he touched him this way, outside his room in Konoha, he realized. The lock was gone and the bars were open. 

His hold on Boruto tightened and then there was another kiss and another, and soon Sasuke was kissing him all over. 

  
Later, around ten, Boruto left the inn alone. He has been working at a fish market during the day and needed to take his leave. 

He didn’t only work to keep his days busy, Sasuke had learned. 

Boruto left Konoha carrying barely anything. No money, just his sword, his bag, the clothes he was wearing and the cloak Sasuke lent him. With the money he gathered, he planned to travel further south. He didn’t have a real destination in mind, he admitted.

Walking for the sake of walking, Sasuke knew that type of mindset could make someone stray for years. Boruto would have ended up drifting away, like a lonely raft floating in the middle of the ocean. There was no end for a vagabond. 

They left the island with the last boat. When the moon was already hanging in the open sky, three days later, they took the midnight train. 

They would take another train the day after tomorrow. And then walk again. First to the Land of Demons, then to see the orcas. Luckily, contrary to most whales, they didn’t migrate. Those animals lived in the far north where there was nothing but seas of ice and the frozen wind.

And then there were still other keychains Boruto picked to discover or maybe they will buy new souvenirs or perhaps throw all those items away. Sasuke wasn’t exactly sure. He didn’t want to return to Konoha before spring. Boruto neither.

Sasuke had spent his years walking away from any belonging. Whatever the direction he faced, east or north, it has been the same numb ambition moving his feet, running off. His flight took an end when Boruto’s flight started. He would remain and retain him as long as he could. 

The train was almost empty if not for them. The dark landscape sprinkled with yellow dots, lights of the distant towns populating the hills, rolled beyond their eyes. Boruto opened the window and let the wind hit his face, wordlessly. The cold didn’t seem to bother him. Sasuke stared at him. He felt a vast quietness within him. It was just the two of them, sitting in an empty wagon, inside an empty train, in the middle of the night, somewhere in the world, unbounded. Nothing else. 

“I stole something,” Sasuke admitted.

Boruto opened his eyes.

“From me?” he asked.

“Yes.”

“What?”

Sasuke was silent then said,

“You’ll figure it out.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this is the end.  
> I’m truly surprised and grateful for all the support I've received. I didn’t expect this fic to have an audience and yet. So thank you, to all the people who followed this fic, left kudos, or commented, from the start, or who jumped along the way. 
> 
> I plan to write other stories (probably shorter) about this pairing. I have some ideas already but I was wondering if overall, you preferred AU or canon?  
> I will write both, but just to have an idea. 
> 
> And if you have any suggestions, don’t hesitate to share it!
> 
> EDIT: A big thank you to Darkpetalz for proofreading this story!


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